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Coming out to teen/adult kids. How and when?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Ohmydayzz, Jan 27, 2017.

  1. Ohmydayzz

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    I left their dad late last year. I'm not really in the dating game but I've been talking to a lovely lady with plans to meet later this year.

    At what point do I tell my 17yo daughter and 20yo son?

    I know they see homosexuality as normal, they've never batted an eye at my gay friends or friends of their own who have come out. But I'm not sure how they'll feel given I left their dad and he's devastated.

    I'm thinking about just waiting until I have a partner and introducing her as my friend and letting them put the pieces together?
     
  2. angeluscrzy

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    I think honesty is the best route. It isn't like you have small children, so there is no need to dance around it much. I think all in all, our kids just want us happy.
     
  3. Whoami33

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    I'd say just be honest too, your kids will appreciate that I'm sure. And like angwluscrzy says, they will just want you to be happy. Good luck to you anyway whatever you decide.
     
  4. I'm gay

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    I agree with above posters. I think your kids will be more bothered that you didn't tell them earlier than you being gay.
     
  5. YeahpIdk

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    I've read that, especially if one parent is suffering from the split, waiting to tell the kids when you have a partner can make them shift blame on to that particular person - seeing them as the reason you left their father instead of knowing you had to move forward because you are gay.

    So I agree with the above posters. Telling them is the best route.
     
  6. justaguyinsf

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    Tell them when there is a need for them to know, such as when you start dating someone, or if they ask.
     
  7. looking for me

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    what i did was be honest, be open to questions, and i made sure not to blame anyone for anything in the break up with my ex. it made it easier that my son knew why we broke up and chose to live with me.

    good luck, eventually they will find out and might be upset that you didnt tell them.(*hug*)
     
  8. Ohmydayzz

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    When I told them I was moving out I did tell them their father hadn't done anything wrong, I hadn't done anything wrong and they hadn't done anything wrong. It was just one of those things.
     
  9. looking for me

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    how did they take that? it could be a good barometer for how they'll take this.
     
  10. Ohmydayzz

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    I left in October and my daughter has only just started visiting my house. She has, at times, been quite snappy at me. She seems to be starting to get better with me though.
     
  11. greatwhale

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    Try the Colage website, a lot of useful advice on coming out to one's kids, but also living a gay life with kids.
     
  12. looking for me

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    based on this, she may be a bit rough for awhile. but no matter, she cant change who you are or who you're attracted to. when you find someone she's going to know anyway, so...

    your other choice is to remain celibate? unhappy? i cant see any loving daughter or child wishing that on a parent.
     
  13. Ohmydayzz

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    Thank you so much.
     
  14. Rozco

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    Coming from the pov of a teenaged kid, I'd want to know why my mom had left my father and I'd be a lot happier knowing it was because of your orientation. I'd just want you to be happy and if you came out I'd feel a lot better knowing it wasn't anyone's fault.
     
  15. Confused54

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    I came out to my boys (28 & 31) very soon after coming out to my wife. I was not, and still am not, in a relationship with someone else. Personally, I don't think there's any reason not to tell your kids what's going on. They're certainly old enough to understand. My boys are completely accepting, although they weren't happy at the idea of their parents getting divorced.