So, again I'm feeling vulnerable... I finally felt I could come out to another important person in my life, one of my best friends, and one of the many whom I have sort of not shared until now out of respect for my soon to be ex.... I have to do it through messages, because of the time difference and the logistics of everything. I was just going to say that waiting, ah it feels like ages sometimes just wondering what will they say? But I just saw a message pop up on my phone, saying We love you too! I had tears writing to my friend/his wife and telling him all the stuff that's happening right now... It's always emotional. And then I tried to call my mom just to have that connection with someone, and of course, delay, broken phone call, 3 attempts at using skype in a crowded cafe (the closest thing I have to being alone), and of course there's just no way to connect with my family. But it does get easier every time, this time the fear, the waiting, the hesitation in each part of the story, it was less than the last, which was less than the last before that. All these steps in opening up are necessary and right and good. But they're always still hard as hell....
once you get out on your own, i think it'll get easier. the whole having to keep the peace with someone your actually cohabiting with will be gone and you'll just be responsible for you and your little one.
This has been my experience, too. My situation is much easier than yours, though. I really admire your strength. You have to deal with your relationship ending, your location with regard to family, concern for daughter, etc. In my case, it has been just coming out as bi, being finally honest. The only thing challenging in my case is explaining being bisexual and monogamous and out to straight people - sometimes I think teaching them Calculus would be easier, LOL. But it does get incrementally easier. It hasn't gotten EASY for me yet, though. And I'm almost fully out. Really, I pretty much am fully out. But I still have that conversation with different people sometimes, mainly old friends I'm reconnecting with. Not easy, but each one is easier than the last. Having pride in who you are is a big help. I also take strength from all I've survived to get to this point. I think, "well... if I can survive x, y, and z (and I have), then telling Person X is no big deal, I got this...". Even when you've fully embraced who you are (bisexual, in my case) and love it and identify with it and have no shame (as well you shouldn't), there is still that small fear that the person you tell will reject you or react badly. I don't know if that ever goes away (I'd doubt it), but the accumulated strength of experience and pride makes the fear a little less. You are doing great, barista. Be you and be awesome! (*hug*)
That's what I'm hoping. I can't wait to just be able to be open with anybody I want to, without thinking of my ex and second guessing my instincts. ---------- Post added 31st Jan 2017 at 10:15 AM ---------- Thanks Adray! And what you're doing takes great strength. That step in being honest with yourself and being vulnerable with others, it takes so much courage! All of what you say resonates with me. It's never easy, it's always a bit scary to put yourself out there and you never know if you'll be accepted. I know exactly what you mean. I do feel an accumulated strength for myself as well, like you do for you. I know I've been through x y or z and it makes everything a bit easier. We're moving forward bit by bit!
that bit will take time, you've spent years conditioning yourself to do just that, think of your SO. now you have to let yourself look out for / think of you first. it took me quite a while to get there, but you can do it and your happiness is worth it, it is not selfish to think of yourself before other adults.
