The Reason Why "I Feel So Cheated"

This is kind of the "prequel" to the I Feel So Cheated post....

In all the posts about "I feel so cheated" I haven't said what started all this.

It began when I watched a youtube video by a British guy who had met a German guy in Frankfurt. Neither one spoke the other's language but they managed to communicate anyway. They ended up in the British guy's hotel room and had a hookup. The British guy, who was doing the video, said it was one of the most memorable experiences of his life (I've left out a lot of details). My immediate reaction was not good. I have been raised to believe that sex was only for married couples and during all those years that I hid I always supported that belief. OK...I know I'm gay and that means gay sex, etc. but I had never really thought this through in the two years since I started down this new path. So I had to slap myself around a bit...they were both adults, nothing they did was illegal, who am I to say they couldn't/shouldn't do something that they enjoyed and hurt no one? I had to get that from my head to my heart. I need to not only understand but also to feel that it was right. That's when I realized all those things that I never got to do/have because I had chosen to "play straight". It took a few days to reconcile all of that. I had made the best choice I felt I could at the time. I can't change it and I shouldn't waste time going over and over it. But those feelings of having been cheated and for a while, of anger had to be dealt with, they were real. As with a number of things that have come up since I came out, it took me a little while make that emotion adjustment. Now I can look back and understand why I felt the way I did and why I have changed. It actually feels like another layer of my old self has been peeled away and I am moving in the right direction on this new path. It's only been two years. I have to remember that I can't make a 180 degree turn quite that quickly. I would advise anyone reading this, if you are in any kind of a situation like mine to remember how many years you may have invested in the "part" you were playing and give yourself permission to not try to force changes in you entire life overnight!.....David