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I think it just keeps getting better

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Feb 7, 2017.

  1. baristajedi

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    So, I've not been on as much lately as usual, missing EC and feeling like giving some updates. :slight_smile:

    This may seem a bit random, just throwing out the highlights of whats happening lately.

    Well, I'm pretty deeply in love with this woman I've been dating. It's still new but being with her makes all of these things I've been fighting for, being me, living fully, living authentically, it makes all of it more real and more amazing and wonderful. Coming out and actually being gay, living authentically, being with this wonderful woman, it all makes me feel so alive, so much more full and whole as a human being.

    Life is messy, tough, a bit overwhelming still with the separation. The last year and a half of coming out and the last 7 months of going through the separation, have been painful and scary, but the last few months have started feeling so much happier, healthier and positive. The hardest chapters are coming to a close. Some big challenges lie ahead but the most painful parts seem to be behind me. And all the pain and fear have been so worth it. I love my messy authentic life so damn much.

    Two months left until my ex and I are in separate homes. Counting down!

    I feel like I've become incredibly disconnected with a lot of people in my life, my family (mostly because they are so far away and times have been tough, it's been hard to get them on the phone, visits are expensive....but I feel we're reconnecting), nearly all my local friends (because for various reasons I couldn't and still can't in some cases be open, and one friend who does know has distanced herself)... but you know I've made some amazing new friendships since coming out, I've built such a large family and community with my LGBTQ friends. And some other new friends as well. I'm so fortunate to have them. i feel like the friendships I have now are deeper, richer, more fulfilling than any I've ever had. And the people who have stuck around, well they're amazing.

    I'm feeling more present and focused as a mom, but there's a lot of challenges ahead for my daughter. I feel stronger and more ready for them though.

    I'm still puzzling over my gender, but not feeling very urgent about sorting through it. Taking it step by step and going to a counsellor soon to talk through a lot of those questions. For now, I suppose it's good enough to say, I'm just me.

    Meanwhile, i'm more firm in understanding my sexuality than I've ever been (I'm so gay, so very gay) and proud and loving being who I am.

    Bottom line, I'm so happy, so much more myself than I ever have been and I love living my authentic life. I'm so glad I started this journey. And there's much more journey to go, I think it will just keep getting more positive and healthy. (It's never easy, but I don't want easy, I want real and right and true to me).


    How are you all doing? Does anyone feel like sharing where you are in your journeys?
     
    #1 baristajedi, Feb 7, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2017
  2. looking for me

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    wow, you have squared so much away it's astounding :icon_bigg

    for me, well you know I got my 'script for blockers on Friday and im picking them up tonight, starting tomorrow. (the spiro makes u pee so I want to do that in the morning, not when im about to go to bed in a few hours..... :lol:slight_smile: and I start Estrogen in about a month.:eek::slight_smile:
     
  3. baristajedi

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    I'm so happy for you Sarah! You're closer and closer to your true self (*hug*)

    Such a huge step :slight_smile:
     
  4. looking for me

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    so are you (*hug*) and thank you.
     
  5. findingjoy

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    Glad to hear things are going well with you. I was just thinking about this today, and I accept that I am going to lose some friendships and change a lot of things about my life.

    I was thinking about why gay thoughts would seemingly come and go with me over the years and one of the main reasons is I had a life set up to shield myself from those thoughts.

    But I agree things just keep getting better :slight_smile: I have never felt so alive and in touch with my mind and body.
     
  6. baristajedi

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    (*hug*) :kiss:



    You may not lose friendships but you can never predict how the people in your life will react. In my case, it's more that distance or silence has left either me, the other person, or both being uncomfortable or otherwise disconnected. There's not much I can do about the distance or silence; I've come out to everyone I can, given that it impacts my ex and daughter as well....

    But to me none of it matters, it's all so worth it. I need to be me. It seems like you feel that for yourself as well.
     
    #6 baristajedi, Feb 7, 2017
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  7. findingjoy

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    I don't necessarily mean negative like "you're gay go away!" but more that I might start spending a lot more time around LGBT people, but any big lifestyle change will cause these sort of changes. When people become parents they start to hang around other parents more, and drift from old college friends... nothing negative, just a different lifestyle.

    Or maybe I'll just see going out with my straight friends for drinks and to look at women to be a waste of time :slight_smile:
     
  8. baristajedi

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    I won't sugarcoat it, for me there have been negative responses/consequences, nothing overtly homophobic, and not necessarily even related to me being gay but possibly just the whole heaviness of coming out, separating etc. Some people just don't know how to respond, they may simply not get what you need or get what you're going through, they may feel totally uncomfortable and therefore distance themselves. You may not feel comfortable as well sharing and opening up with certain people or may not be a able to for whatever reason, and that can create distance.

    I just got a message this morning from a formerly close friend who just simply doesn't know how to be my friend anymore. Meh, it doesn't change who I am. I'm still going to be gay, I'm still going to live my life, I'm still going to be me. I've got a thick enough skin to deal with it. She's not a bad person, she just doesn't know how to be my friend anymore, and so I'll be friends with those who do know how.


    Now on the other hand, there have been friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers who have provided so much incredible support. So I think it goes both ways. People surprise you.

    It's all just life, you have to keep moving forward and be grateful for the good things and not dwell on the bad.

    ---------- Post added 8th Feb 2017 at 02:27 AM ----------

    But you're right as well that your friendships may just naturally shift...I have 99% lgbtq friends in my local area at this point. I just spend a lot of time at lgbtq activities. It is certainly a natural extension of this kind of life change.
     
    #8 baristajedi, Feb 8, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2017