I got together with my children's mother this morning. We had not gotten together since before the summer began. We talked about our children. Discussed how our eldest is rebuilding her relationship with me now that she is on her own in Univeristy and making great progress. Then compared that to our youngest, still living with her mom until she graduates high school at the end of this year, and not yet ready to engage with her father. We both agreed that once she is on her own later this year we would expect to see the same outreach to me that we saw with my eldest when she started univeristy. We caught up on each of our lives, what we are each up to. Discussed some financial stuff that we needed to address as well. Then towards the end of the meal, I looked her in the eyes, she was smiling, and I told I was getting married. She continued smiling and congratulated me. She did not miss a beat. It as if she was expecting the discussion, and she was already mentally prepared. Both for myself and hers, I think telling her provided solid closure. We are each now well on our way in our new lives. Before telling her, I did feel moments of vulnerability; but I never second guessed what I needed to do. And I am please with how she reacted. I do hope she is genuinely happy for me. I guess time will tell.
Wow this is all wonderful to hear! I'm so pleased about how your relationship with your eldest is getting better and I hope the same happens for the younger one. And it's also great to hear about your ex wife's response to hearing your plans to get married. It sounds like healing is well on its way for her and your whole family, and you are on a happy, positive path. I'm so happy for you!
I'm really pleased, in fact, I am delighted for you. I know you have been on quite a journey yourself, which you have generously shared with us on this forum over the last two years and this does seem like a point of closure and moving on. I'm sure she had mentally prepared herself for the news. If you had only just met someone and proposed on a whim it would have surprised her, but you have been in a stable same sex relationship for some time now. I'm sure it will all come together with the kids.
Hey OTH, this is heart-warming news, for both of you! There is a member here who succeeded so well in this reconciliation that each of the exes attended the wedding of the other. Would that I could have had this! Life moves on, and love does indeed move it forward!
Congratulations what an amazing transformation and inspiration to any human being , happiness is truly a virtue
Definitely not expecting anyone at the wedding! And in fact, we are just going to a court house and doing it there. We both have had prior weddings. No need for another one! ---------- Post added 13th Feb 2017 at 12:57 PM ---------- Slowly but surely the kids are making progress. I am being patient and that seems to be the right strategy.
Such wonderful news and so good that your wife was able to move on in a way that she can still genuinely appreciate your successes and milestones. This is, indeed, the best form of closure. Separately from that, as you are probably aware, teens/young adults almost always go through an individuation process, and this normally involves some form of separation from parents, emotionally. I have seen similar situations to this where the combination now betrayal at the family breakup and the individuation creates the chasm you are experiencing. I concur that nearly always, as the child matures and is able to understand the past situation through more adult eyes, reconciliation occurs and the child is able to reconnect, often in a more emotionally intimate way than before. I wish you the best in both regards.
Thanks for that perspective and kind words. I spoke to my eldest daughter a bit ago and told her as well. She was slightly reserved, then somewhat choked up and then full of congratulations. She also sounded somewhat relieved, if my perception is correct (4,000 miles between two mobile phones never a strong sounding discussion). Now it's time to focus back on my partner and finalise our plans!