I finally told my parents that I'm gay. They accepted it well so far. It came up as part of a deep conversation we were having so I figured I might as well tell them since it explains the problems I've been trying to fix. They didn't have a strong suspicion I was gay which was a surprise. It's pretty weird that they know now after so many years of hiding/avoiding it, but I'm very glad I did it. Of course there are more family and friends I'd like to tell. On one hand I'd like to get it all over with quickly so it's out of my mind but I also don't like a lot of attention directed at me, however, some/much of that is due to all the years of hiding which has become normal for me. I'd like all of them to watch the mini-series, "When We Rise" which starts on Feb. 27th and looks like it could be really good, but realize most of them are busy and may not want or be able to. When We Rise: The Epic Mini-Series Premieres February 27 on ABC! | ABC Updates I still have a lot of work to do on myself and worry about never being able to have a successful romantic relationship for lots of reasons, but that's part of the work I have to do I guess. My self esteem and confidence has dropped so low from hiding all these years. Not allowing myself to be fully me has hurt me in so many ways. I was stuck in a self-reinforcing cycle of hiding, low self-esteem and feeling not worthy of love, belonging and acceptance. I give credit to Brene Brown's books for helping me understand shame and vulnerability and recommend them to everyone. I'd appreciate any advice on coming out to more people and if you had thoughts of regretting coming out to certain people (however fleeting the thoughts may have been) and how you got over it. I don't regret telling my parents, but I get this weird feeling once in a while like omg, can't believe I did that, are they really ok with it, when will this feel normal. Stuff like that, but the feeling usually doesn't last too long and I go back to feeling like yea, it was good. Thanks to everyone at EC for being there and to the people who make this site possible! Your stories did help me on this long journey, even though I've been on here forever and seemed like I'd never do it.
Just do it! The more people you come out to the more comfortable you will Feel about yourself. Even those that respond negatively, it will make you stronger. Congrats on a huge step!
Congratulations mnguy! That took courage to finally Come Out to your parents, especially after all these years. I know from personal experience what it is like to stay in the closet for so many decades. I wish you all the best as you move forward in your life and are finally able to just 'be' yourself!
Congratulations, you did great! My parents were the hardest ones to come out to for me, personally. And it does get a little bit easier with each additional person, but it's never easy. I find that I experience a lot of anxiety leading up to it, then nervousness during, then relief immediately after. I've only had a couple of bad reactions, so it hasn't been as bad as feared for me, at all. And surprisingly, coming out has brought me a lot closer to a few friends, with a couple of those real surprises. Like your experience, most had no idea before I told them. You don't have to tell everyone personally. When I came out to my band, I told them it wasn't intended to be a secret, and they took that to heart, LOL. Next gig, the sound guys, band friends and relatives, etc. all had heard. It feels so much better to be myself and not hide anymore. It's kinda fun being the only non-straight person in some friends' lives, too. Makes for some fun conversations. You did great!
Congratulations mnguy! In my opinion as much as you've anticipated this moment, you may still not understand all of the impacts for a while. You've just opened up a new chapter of your life, and you've got authenticity and freedom as your prize. Well done! *warm hugs* Patrick
Thank you for all the kind words, I appreciate it very much! I do hope life is better going forward. At least I can talk about more things with my parents that I would have avoided before coming out. Hopefully they will appreciate the authenticity and not think I'm someone different now.
Congratulations on coming out to your parents! Wonderful that they have taken it well! I am sure with a bit of time, the weird feelings will disappear and you won't give it another thought. Having told your parents, it might very well be the impetus you need to start allowing yourself to be seen and be open about who you are. As you indicated, hiding and having to be mindful of what you say or not letting on anything, has chipped away at your self-esteem and confidence. In so many ways, in order for us to build self-esteem, we also need to be able to talk about ourselves without the fear of 'what will the other person think.' Starting the process of coming out, can help with that. And yes, Brene Brown is great! It would be worthwhile to think about your current circle of friends, and also other family members, and try to select one or two persons you feel can trust, and can confide in. Coming out slowly at first could help you in building confidence and also gain reassurance that things will work out well.
Keep in mind that you don't need to tell everyone. Most people couldn't care less these days. As far as family/close friends, I think it preferable to tell them in person, and I imagine that for most people, there's a certain logical order in which to do it. For everyone else, there's Facebook. Seriously, I recommend it. You don't need to frame it as a big announcement (unless you want to). In my case, I simply wrote about something I saw at the beach one day that made it clear I am gay. I got a lot of positive feedback from it. Best of all, I no longer had to keep track of who knows/doesn't know. Nowadays, I only say anything explicit if it comes up naturally in conversation. Otherwise, I live my life pretty much the way I alway have and leave it to other people to figure out (or ask).
Congrats!!! That's gotta be though. I'm not out to my parents because my mom is slightly homophobic and has some weird ideas about what being LGBT means (like that bi is a made up thing and her cousin isn't really a lesbian because she dated guys in high school), but someday I'll be as brave lol
