February 18th, 2017 Dear Mr. ##### Hello, Mr. #####. Let me tell you about my day today. I ventured the 20 miles over to my old hometown, you remember the one. Stopped by the old high school, had lunch at the local bar and grill had a burger and nice ice cold beer. Since the students had a day off from school and no admin staff was present I didn't find any information about you. Then I remembered, the local barber collects school year books. So I walked down the street into the shop and low and behold there they were, present all the way back to 1952. As I sat looking at 1977-1980 the barber, having graduated from the same school as I asked what I was looking for. I told him everything I remembered about you. Guess what he remembers you too, but couldn't recall your first name. We sat for some time talking about teachers and guess what also happened. My first grade teacher Mrs. S is still alive and in the local care center. Mrs. S was more than happy to have a visitor today. She is really, really sharp for a lady of 95 years! I now know your fist name! Imagine that! I also know why you left our area, to teach somewhere in Wisconsin she thought, because you threatened to throw a student out your second story window. Really? The funniest thing about the whole day was what Mrs. S told me, coming from a 95 year old woman "you should have turned and bit it." :lol: I am writing this letter to you on a forum, I hope I don't get banned for 30 days for the following, if I do I can live with it... I pray some day before I die that I will be able to forgive you for what you done to me as a child. For almost 40 years I have lived with the shame and guilt that you helped create. I know now that there are others out there, I'm sure, with the same feelings I have been toting around and I will be praying that they can find the same measure of peace that I have come to know the last few days. I want you to know that you almost caused me my life. YOU caused me to never have any confidence in myself. To NEVER speak up for myself, always hanging my head and taking every ones harsh words to heart. YOU caused me to think of myself as a dirty faggot when I should have been able to be a PROUD gay teenager. NO MORE! This was the first day in my life that I felt like I could hold my head up high with confidence! I tell you what it felt GOOD! I would never harm you, to do that would mean tarnishing the second half of my life. I have never felt the cold steel of handcuffs and I'm never going to for the likes of you! YOU, ##### ##### are a dirty rotten son of a bitch, and may God have mercy on you soul. Former Student Dean
I hope that letter goes a long way to help you find closure! I am sure it was incredibly difficult to write (including the journey you went on to get to the point to write it). And as you look back at the letter over time, I am confident it will bring you peace. About a year or so ago, on my journey, I located my old childhood "friend" (I have previously written several threads on my experiences of being sexually coerced against my will over an extended period of time when I was a child). I reached out to him and he agreed to have coffee with me. When we met, he told me how at mid 40's he still lives with his parents, is unemployed, and has never been in a stable relationship. Everyone assumes he is gay, but he has never come out and never admitted it. I explained to him my struggle with coming to terms with my sexuality, told him how I came out to everyone, the positive response when I did, the relationship I had entered into with my partner, and how happy I have become. He stared at me while listening. And the only question he asked me, which stuck in my mind, was "How did your parents react when you came out?". I told him how supportive they had been. Thereafter, when I was done speaking and finished my coffee, I wished him the best and went to my car. He soon thereafter texted me that he wanted to get together with me to talk. Having given it thought, I have found my closer from the coffee talk. I owed him nothing further. I have not seen him since then.
