Hello. I wasn't sure where to post this, so I hope posting it here is okay! As mentioned in the title (which I made a typo in. Thanks, phone), I am almost 30 years old and for the last few years, I have been questioning my gender. Which always results in one big giant ???? until I begin to think about it again, as I have been doing as of late. I was born female but have never really identified as female. But yet I do not feel wholly male either. I feel... nothing, I suppose you could say, in regards to my gender. I could care less about it. In the online community, I highly prefer they/them pronouns and use a nickname as opposed to my real name. And I enjoy this. However, in real life, I want to move away from she/her and default to they/them and overall being.. neutral about my gender. Which leads me to my conundrum: I have no idea what I am? I don't necessarily need a label, per se. But I am tired of just coming up with a shrug every time I try to think of an answer as to who/what I am. As for my sexuality -- I have been out as bisexual since I was a teenager, but recently stumbled across pansexuality and I feel that it suits me better. Is it... okay to change your sexuality after years of thinking/believing you knew what it was? ;; ...Any input would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you for your time.
Congratulations on being out as bi for so long! You've done great, I wish I had done that much earlier. I think bi and pan have a lot of overlap. I am bisexual. I actually figured it out when I was a freshman in college in 1987 by walking to the student library and reading textbooks on human sexuality until I found it. Yep, "bisexual," that's me. LOL. Old school research for sure, but there was no one I could talk to back then and no Internet. So I've kept the label bisexual for myself. Having read the definition of pan, I could be that too. I'm sticking with bi, though. Whichever you feel more comfortable with, go with. They're pretty closely related. I don't have input on your gender question, but hopefully there are some helpful folks around here who can help out. Be you, be awesome!
lots of people here never acknowledged they were gay until their forties or fifties - and many were in heterosexual marriages. I denied I was gay all my life. So yes it's ok! It's not only ok that's why we're all here!
I can completely relate to the gender identity part. I'm AFAB, but recognized recently at 30 that I've never had any real connection to it, but I also don't connect with being male. I know for as long as I can remember I've had some dysphoria about my breasts and was always glad I have a smaller chest, while most girls were talking about wishing theirs' were bigger. I've started dressing more masculinely and absolutely love it, but I still haven't landed on a good label or decided if I really care. I don't have a problem with she/her pronouns and feel they/them are awkward, so I don't foresee myself changing those, but I have noticed that it slightly bugs me or just seems off putting to be called Miss...but the neutral term seems weird too, especially since a majority of my day I'm referred to as Miss by my co-workers to the 4-5 year old children with autism we work with, so it would totally throw the kids off. As for the sexuality part too, from everything I've read/seen it seems completely normal to either use bi/pan interchangeably or that people have previously identified as bi can easily accept the pan label as I think more awareness to other genders has become more prevalent. I'm still new to recognizing accepting I'm not straight, I realized that about 2 years ago. I've debated if I am pan, but have only fleeting/brief experiences of sexual attraction to men and think that when i do it's more a comfort thing as that is what i know and have experienced, not that I'm actually attracted. I really wish there was a way for someone to just scan my brain and figure out what i am lol. I think you have a good attitude and understanding of who you are and should feel free to use the labels that feel best to you
I'm 41. I've always identified as lesbian until recently. Now I look back I realise I've always been uncomfortable with it. However until recently I hadn't realised there was so much more in the spectrum. Firstly after lots of googling I realised I was non-binary/agender. I've always felt disconnected from my biological gender however I knew I was not trans. I don't feel any gender. Sex to me has always been about feeling wanted rather than the actual act. Therefore I realised I was asexual. I'm not sexually attracted to women but once the party's started (so to speak) I can go with the flow. And from an early age I've never wanted to have sex with a man (cos no offence guys but what you have down there is really unappealing to me) so I have reasoned that I am gyneromantic. I started to feel better knowing the truth at last however I don't know how to tell my friends and family and it's been over a decade since I've had any format of relationship with a woman and thanks to my depression and fear I can't help but wonder who would want someone who is not sexually attracted to them. I don't think there's any right time or age for self awareness however I do feel that the fact that sites like this and the information now available online is helping people who feel lost find their way
I would like to share my experience with you. I never showed any feminine nature even though I was born as a girl. In my teenage itself, I started realizing that my physical appearance was not matching with my inner feelings. I was in a relationship with my best friend for about five years. I always wanted to be a man and have undergone FTM procedure in Mississauga. Last month she moved into my apartment and we are happy together. Recently I have read some interesting real life stories of transgenders ( Four Inspiring Transgender Love Stories | FTM Top Surgery ). These stories motivated me to love my life.
