This is a huge step for me. This is the first time I've taken a solid step toward confronting my feelings, rather than lurking and hiding. I'm 30 years old, married to a man, with 2 young children. I've only ever been with my husband and we were married young. However, I've always been attracted to women. It's been getting more and more difficult over the past 10 years to keep my feelings hidden. I'll probably forever hide from the reality of my sexual orientation but I'm hoping if I find a few friends online who are going through something similar it will help (even if it's just to gush about how gorgeous an actress is ).
Welcome Reality Check! I'm in a similar place, married with 2 grown kids and I've been attracted to women my whole life, but never acknowledged it til now. EC is a place to share and understand what we are all about.
I married young. I was 23. I did love my wife when we married, but It was not only because I loved her that I married, it was because of the believe this is what I was supposed to do next in life. We are socialized to follow a certain path in life, make certain decisions and live according to standards that may not necessarily align with our own. Even having feelings for the same sex, the power of doing what we perceive we are supposed to do based on society standards is overwhelming; and has an ability to inhibit the proper nurturing of our true selves. Welcome to EC! i hope you find your experience here enlightening, rewarding and supportive.
Hi there StarGazing. There are many people here who share aspects of your story. Welcome to a very supportive crowd.
Thank you everyone. OnTheHighway, you're absolutely correct about being socialized to a specific path. I do love my husband but not the way I should. To make it more difficult, he's Turkish and has strict views on how a "wife" should act so I have a hard time even acknowledging what I've know since I was young. It's a relief to find this forum and finally open up. Thank you everyone.
If you ever want to chat or something put a message on my wall. I laughed at how you can express how hot an actress is. I know someone close in the same situation, (close but online).
Thank you PianoKeys, I'll definitely message you once the site allows me to. It will be great to have friends who understand.
I know what you mean about having expectations on how a wife is supposed to be with her husband. I've been married 14 years and now acknowledge to myself that I'm gay, but have not told my husband. I tearfully told him the other day that I have huge guilt about not being able to give him what he needs, sexually - I have grown to dislike hetero sex so much that I can hardly bring myself to ever do it. He asked me if I was just pretending to like it in the past, and I couldn't say no. But I feel like I can't end the marriage because I committed to it. Very stuck.
Stretching, that is EXCATLY how I feel too! I dislike having sex with my husband and he places such a huge burden on me, demanding that I give it to him more. I've never been satisfied with it and for a while questioned if it was just me not being interested in sex because I've only been with him. But I find myself 1000 times more attracted to the thought of being intimate with another women. I could never confess my feelings to my husband though. He's so set in his culture and masculine ways.
