Hello. Well, I have been on a roller-coaster it seems. The last 6 months, i have come out as bisexual, just to some family and close friends, and a couple of days ago my daughter hassled me even further about finding a partner. She said, dad I don't want you to be alone anymore. You are not going to get another girlfriend so just find a cute boyfriend. And stop hiding behind being bisexual, seeing you are not going to get a girlfriend ever, just make it easier and be gay.... And, she was right. Darn teenagers! Yes, I had to quickly search myself and yes, I am not really interested in women, so yes, it would seem that in all effect and purposes I was gay. So now I am gay. I know it is the most accurate, but now I am stressed. On one hand I am happy and it is so nice to have clarity, and it just makes everything easier, and thinking back it would of made things a lot easier if I knew I was gay as a teenager! So i have this stress that has been building for the last 6 months. It is now affecting my work, and my work collegues have said in all the years, they have never seen me so stressed. Even a customer has asked that AI not go on-site as I was stressed. I am not 100% sure it is the sexuality question, but has anyone else had this happen? I have constant butterflies in my stomach and it sometimes hurts after I eat. If there is an anger/grief stage, is there things i can do to accelerate to the next stage? Thanks in advance.
Your going through the process of figuring out whom you are. This does not happen overnight. It took you 47 years to accept it, and it will take some time for your to fully process it. There is much you need to work thought during this phase - shame, internalized homophobia, the need to make yourself vulnerable, so on and so on. There is no way to accelerate this next stage. It will go at its own pace. There will be different phases. Lots of ups and downs. As for work, this will require a balancing act. On the one hand you need time to fully accept yourself and become the person you were always meant to be. While doing so, you still need to pay the bills and make sure food is on the table. Try and relax. Recognize it is a journey. Do not force or rush it. EC is great place to help along the journey, but it is only one tool that you can leverage. Consider working with a therapist, consider group sessions, get involved within the LGBT community, meet others whom are LGBT. Good Luck!
Hello bokunopico...What you are experiencing is in no way unusual! I went though it also and to a certain extent am still dealing with it. For me, and perhaps you also, it had a lot to do with facing the unknown. After 55 years of hiding in the closet, I finally came out, although only to a few people. Nevertheless, I had taken that monumental first step. At that point I realized that I didn't really know who the new-me was. It was pretty much an unknown that I had to "feel" my way through. It is a slow process and I'm learning more about myself everyday. At the beginning of that process I was nervous and the stress was significant, although compared with the stress of hiding, constantly watching every word I said, every gesture I made, etc. it was not as intense. As I continued down the path of self-discovery I found that the nervousness and stress gradually decreased. So I guess my advice to you is to hang in there. Be aware of the stress you are under and consciously work to overcome it. It will take time, but it will get better as you become more and more comfortable in your "new skin"....David
Thanks for your replies. I did have a better day today, and as I was waiting for a work college to arrive I was standing on a busy street corner, observing who I thought was cute etc and it really felt like I had moved a bit further. Not one of the women I observed gave me that dopamine effect. There were some really pretty ones, but apart from their prettiness there was no real attraction. But some of the guys! Yes, it became a lot clearer today that I was indeed gay and that I was only attracted to men. I am a bit less stressed today. Hope it just gets better!
Hi bokunopico ! It will get better...it is getting better...it will keep getting better! I don't know how long you've been hiding...from the world and from yourself, I hid in the closet for 55 years. It was horrible and the stress was terrific. I started down this new road two years ago. Just last week a really significant thought hit me. I was an orphan for those 55 years, now I have finally found my family....I.HAVE.COME.HOME!! When I realized that I just sat down and cried for a good long time...heavy, hot, Niagara tears of joy and release. For the first time in my life I BELONG! I have such a warm joyful feeling knowing this...it's hard to explain how it made me feel. It's like I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. I know who I am and I am so happy to be who I am - I have accepted myself and the shame and guilt are gone!!! My wife (I am out to her and we are staying together) and others around me have noticed the change in me over the last week and have asked what happened to make me so happy, why do I smile so much, etc. I Desire the same revelation, the same life-changing impact for you also. Please realize that you too have come home!....David
Wow, what a weekend I am having. Went out to dinner Friday night with a Gay Club, had a good time, we went off to a drag show afterwards. One of the group asked me out for dinner the next day. We had a great day all yesterday together and went to the Drag show again. We are sort of going out now! I met someone at the dragshow who I worked with, and came out as gay ( pretty hard to hide at a drag show I suppose..). Feeling a lot calmer. My new friend and I are going to get STI tested so we know where we are at. What a turn of events!
OK, a quick update. Yes, I came out to work, and to a host of other people. I don't doubt it at all now! My boyfriend an my STI checks came out clear and we had a great weekend together........ When Quebec said it would get better and better, wow, has it ever! My boyfriend and I are head over heels for each other, my daughter loves him too! She is so happy with it! Everyone I came out to was just a non-event, and life just gets better. Thank you everyone for your stories and support. I am in such a happy place right now.
