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Came out not early but after having a kid at 27

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by ladyarcher27, Mar 2, 2017.

  1. ladyarcher27

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    Hello everyone, thanks for having me here. I wouldn't be here if I'm not bothered and I'm glad there's a place to vent out.

    I have married and lived a straight role early, at 23. I have a happy family (on the surface, as you may have guessed) and now I'm 27 and my son is 3 years old.

    I am still in this relationship, trying to be dedicated to the role I'm playing for as long as I can hold on to it.

    I have dated mostly women, and had a relationship with a woman for 2 years. After we broke up I've dated a few until I finally met my now partner, a good man who loved me and played a good role as father to my son.

    When I met him I thought I'm straight. And although we had a few lapses, I couldn't make that an excuse to the confusion that I'm in.

    I am not confused that I'm gay. I'm confused about what I must do. I grew up in a broken family and I promised myself to give my son a happy one. To not let him experience what I've gone through as a child.

    I don't know how to come out in this situation. When people around us and in social media see us as a completely happy family.

    I felt that something is missing. Sex with my partner is painful and forced, faked orgs just to get it done. He began to feel inadequate and I know he shouldn't be.

    This past few weeks I am in constant guilt of my attraction with women coming back, who I really am and being in love with my old friend.

    I have been in struggle right after I gave birth. Please help. :confused:

    ---------- Post added 2nd Mar 2017 at 02:37 PM ----------

    Title should've been "came out not late"
     
    #1 ladyarcher27, Mar 2, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 2, 2017
  2. heythere999

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    Everyone gets judged no matter what they do. Everyone is guilty of mistakes, everyone does stuff they're embarrassed of or regret. So get over that.

    Do you want to be happy sooner or later?

    For me, the "coming out" process took about 2 years, though I never dated someone of the opposite sex. It really does take time. I kind of skimmed over your post so I'm not sure if you've done this yet, but I suggest confiding in a few close friends first, then tackle family members one by one or all at once.

    Another thing to keep in mind is that there really is no "right" time. Some times are better than others but there's no "right" time. You'll do it when you do it. Your urge to be comfortable will eventually overcome your urge to make sure you don't disappoint anyone.
     
  3. Winter Storm

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    Does your husband know you have dated women before him?

    Only you can decide if you are happy and satisfied in your relationship, regardless of your orientation.

    That being said, there are worse things for a child than having their parents divorce. You're unhappiness, or increasing tension in the home can have a negative effect.

    Things likely won't improve without an open discussion with your husband.
     
  4. Zen fix

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    I'm sorry for your pain. I know how much harder it is when the happiness and well being of your kid is at stake. There's a lot for you to consider but you are so sure that you are gay that I think you have to be honest with your husband. If you don't know what to do that's ok. Tell him that. If nothing else he should be able to focus on what is best for your son.
     
  5. OnTheHighway

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    Your son does not need to be from a "broken" home to the extent your life progresses in such a way as you and your husband were to separate. You and your husband can always provide your son with the love, effection and encouragement any child needs.

    As far as social media and the outside world, what compels you to put on such a "pleasantville" image? It's not reality for you, nor is it for most others as well. It sounds like your letting your own experiences from a "broken" family drive the way you want to be perceived. Is that really necessary?


    Your still young, I assume your husband is as well. What's fair in the long run for him, your son and yourself? Is it better to continue to live in a facade or would it be better if everyone could find true happiness and contentment?
     
  6. AlexJames

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    Don't stay together just for your son. Kids will pick up on that sort of thing. I can attest to that personally. From the perspective of the child in in the situation, i mean.
     
    #6 AlexJames, Mar 3, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 3, 2017