I've just started a new job. I really want to start this job off being fully me, nothing hidden. This is a conversation that happened today, and here's what I wanted say: Boss: how was your weekend? Me: it was a quiet one, met my girlfriends for coffee; took my daughter to the park. What I actually said: it was a quiet one. Before I go on I should say, I know not everyone wants to be out at work, I *need*to be out in all possible areas of my life., I am lucky to reasonably expect it is safe and that my job is secure. So with that as a given, the benefits outweigh the costs. I need to feel it's in the open, because I need to be able to share the same level of details of my life I would freely share as a straight person. Because I don't believe I should be ashamed and it means so much to me to feel open and free. And I've spent too much of my life filtering and not being me. I'm kicking myself, this was my chance to casually, in front of everyone, come out. I shouldn't feel so demoralised by not doing it, but I am. There are so many reasons I didn't do it. Obviously, that part of me that defaults to hiding myself. That part of me that I know I struggle with but I really thought I have been abke to push myself to overcome in these kibds of moments. There's also the fact that my weekend was so goddamn complicated and awful. It was centred around horrendous fighting with my ex. The good points were excellent steps forward but not something I'd get into in casual cheery light conversation; telling my daughter about the separation and so on. And there's the time I was taking to assess the situation, ok maybe I can out myself. Weekend weekend...bad things about dealing with ex....how to access something quickly to out myself...? I felt distracted all day thinking about how I wish i'd done this differently. I know I'm overthinking this but... I'm really disappointed.
Here is what I would say on this one, and your going to laugh a bit - SLOW DOWN!!!! While internally you want to scream your sexuality, the reality is you do not need it all to come out at once. In fact, you did the smart thing not saying anything. When I came out, a friend at my office gave me some advice when I told him how I wanted to attend a conference and let everyone know at the conference I was gay. He said "there is no reason to offer up something no one has asked for." He said, "Let everything sink in, give it a year, and then see how you feel". Well, in this regard, I am going to suggest the same. You just started work. Let it sink in. See how the job pans out. Whether you are gay or straight or whatever, what people do in their privately lives is typically separate from work life. There are lots of straight people that would have given the exact same answer.
Mr. Highway is right. You're not hiding anything by not taking every opportunity to come out. This is a new job and you barely know your boss or coworkers. Take your time, get a bit of a better idea of what they are about before you divulge.
some sage advise here Jedi, I used to spill everything. but in truth, it's usually only a big deal to ourselves. let things happen in casual conversation, like if someone asks about family talk about your daughter, it they ask about spouse mention that you are splitting/split. social life make it no big deal, yeah, hung out with my GF... etc. folks will assume as they will in any regard. I guess the message is you do you and keep on trucking.(*hug*)
