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Do people love sex?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by stretching, Mar 7, 2017.

  1. stretching

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    True question.
    I'm asking because I don't. At least not now. Not in my heterosexual relationship. Not ever, with a male partner. I have never come. I've sometimes been turned on. But I am very confident in the knowledge that if I weren't with my husband I would be very content to never be penetrated again by a man.

    I know the question will be who do I think of when I masturbate/fantasize? I don't. I never masturbate, never have, don't want to. If I fantasize it's because I concentrate to direct my thoughts that way, and it's homoerotic. It's women I want to be with. But I don't feel like i need to be with anyone physically (or maybe I'm just saying that because I can't be with a woman, at least not right now).

    So my question is, do most people really want sex? Need sex? How big a desl is it in your life/fantasy/desire?
     
  2. baristajedi

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    Sex with a woman, yes, and I need it, desire it, fantasise about it, enjoy it, come frequently during it - with a woman.

    With men, it can be fun and comforting or loving, but it's not fulfilling for me with men, even if I orgasm.
     
    #2 baristajedi, Mar 8, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2017
  3. YeahpIdk

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    I think everyone is different. I'm a very sexual person, even purely just toward the act of it, without the emotions. I have a friend who isn't nearly as into as I am, neither of us can fathom how the other operates.

    In my past heterorelationships, I enjoyed sex, but mostly on a physical level. There wasn't much emotion to it. The same thing happened with a girl I slept with as a teen. But when I fell for a woman and realized I wasn't straight, the intensity of sexual and emotional attraction I felt toward her (and eventually other women) was exceptionally strong.

    Gonna encourage you to "get to know yourself" a little better. Especially since you usually don't.
     
  4. Creativemind

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    I don't care for the idea of it that much with either gender, but it could be just my inexperience talking.

    I don't enjoy masturbation at all. I find it boring, and I actually do orgasm every time but I tend to view it as overrated and not that enjoyable. The sensations can feel "nice" but not more exciting than using the restroom for me.

    I've never slept with anyone else, but I don't really have the sex drive or interest that other virgins are supposed to have. I'm attracted to women but don't have the urge to sleep with them. If it's the same feeling as masturbation, then yeah, would probably find it boring, but if It's to show love and intimacy then I might feel different.
     
  5. Lazuri

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    It's is the single most strongest desire of almost every species on earth, so yeah; most people desire and need it as part of their everyday life.

    The only species I can think of that doesn't have that desire as strong as other species are the panda. Ain't no time to bang, too busy eating bamboo, yo. And as if nature was proving its point, they almost went extinct because of it.
     
  6. smurf

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    This is highly misleading. Most species have a strong desires to reproduce, but most species in the world do not have sex for fun or pleasure. For example, most animals in the world will only mate during mating season. A lot of animals will kill their partners after sex. Some animals will die during sex.

    There are only a handful, including humans, that have sex for fun.

    I myself don't think I'm a very sexual person, even though I have a lot of sex.

    For me, I have sex because I enjoy connecting with people in this very intimate and raw way. I'm curious about learning more about that person including how they like to have sex. There is also a very special way that some people open up when they allow themselves to explore their sexuality with partner.

    But I don't love sex for the act itself.

    This is also possibility. No way of knowing until you actually have sex with a woman, but I know a lot of people have felt this way before coming out. Our brains are REALLY good and shutting down emotions in order to survive with our realities.
     
  7. Lazuri

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    I never said any of these things. I said almost all species strongest desire is to mate, I never said it was for fun. Like you said yourself, some will even die during it. Having sex, even without the purpose of procreation, still scratches that itch.
     
  8. Chip

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    As a broad statement, that may be correct (I'm not a zoologist, so I don't feel qualified to say.) But for humans, I don't think that's always the case. The desire for sex varies tremendously in humans, and that variation is a normal part of the spectrum of human sexuality. You have heterosexual and gay people who don't really feel much need for sex or masturbation and are perfectly happy to engage in it very infrequently or almost never, and you have people who would probably want to have sex every day if they could. Both are well within the normal spectrum of sexual experience.

    Now, for the OP, the first question I have is is there any other issue going on for you, especially depression or anxiety? And are you on any medication? These questions are important because all of these dramatically factor into sexual arousal and attraction, so any discussion that's going to be meaningful has to look at these issues first.

    If you're comfortable sharing whether any of those are factors, then it will be easier to give more accurate information.
     
  9. Lazuri

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    There are always exceptions, but I'm talking about the broad picture here since the question was "do people love sex?" It's a broad question and the broad answer is that "yes. Yes, they do."

    Obviously, there's nothing wrong with the alternative either and everybody should be free to have their own ideas and sexuality.
     
  10. JonSomebody

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    As I had mentioned in a previous post that the boyfriends that I've had were all older than myself and the thing is they all were really into sex a lot...and I mean A LOT!!!!..haha.. I look at those relationships as blessings because these men knew and taught me a lot in regards to how to keep the sex life exciting within your relationship to the degree that you look forward to having sex with them as if it was the first time. I loved the fact that every one of them had no issues with being exploratory and imaginative in our sex lives which also made it very exciting. Therefore, I honestly have to say that YES!!!..I LOOVE SEX!!! and its a very important factor within my relationship with a specific partner.
     
  11. Lexington

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    I really want it. I really need it. And it's a very big deal, even in my 40s. :slight_smile: No, my life doesn't revolve around it or anything. But I think about it a lot, I engage in it a good deal, and I enjoy the hell out of it.

    Your mileage may vary. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  12. NYCer

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    I love sex with other women. I could definitely and have enjoyed sex with other women without much of an emotional connection, though I imagine that having sex with another woman where there is a strong emotional connection would be amazing (I've only been out for a few months so haven't really had that).

    Since high school (I'm in my 40s), I've masturbated on average about several times per week about having sex with women. However, I didn't think I was lesbian because I never really felt a strong emotional/romantic connection with a woman.
     
  13. JonSomebody

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    :eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:thumbsup:
     
  14. Princessbrycee

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    i bet they do but not too much
     
  15. Worker Bee

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    I'm not that drawn to sex and finally realise this could be because I'm asexual. I had lots of sex in my 20s however it wasn't the act that was important but what it symbolised (someone wanted me). My self-confidence and self-esteem were so low (and still are) that I kind of went into puppy mode as someone was showing me some attention.

    I've not had sex in over a decade as I've basically become a hermit and would probably run a mile if a woman approached me, however I'm also scared that I will revert to puppy mode.

    Saying that it could be simply because no one's ever really rocked my world
     
  16. stretching

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    Thank you so much for all your replies. It is good to see the spectrum is out there. I think I am less sexually motivated than many people. One major difficulty for me is that my husband and I have always been dis congruent in this regard. He is very fixated on sex and is majorly distressed that i never want to do it with him. This is exacerbated by my realization that it's not just him but the male anatomy in general that disinterests me.

    Regarding my mental health, Chip, I think it's ok. I've never had any issue with depression/anxiety or any other mental health issue that I know of. I think I feel very stuck right now though with young children in a tiny town and a husband who is great but is a man. Sigh.

    I better talk with him about this. I know he's miserable too. But once I tell him I'm worried we'll both just be extra miserable. :frowning2:
     
  17. WMM

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    Hello

    I am just some old straight guy. With a mean streak, no less.

    My wife is on the lesbian side of straight.

    Back in 1979 she didn't have many orgasms. She had been faking it for years. I told her that had to change, and quick.

    She did learn to masturbate, and she did start having orgasms regularly. Life turned around completely. It made a huge difference to her outlook on life, her attitude, everything.

    A few years later she came out as bisexual. We have been doing great.

    Well, I'm rambling. But since she started having orgasms on a regular basis life has been really great. 38 years ago, come to think of it. Wow, time flies when you're having so much fun.

    Just something to think about

    Be well
     
  18. stretching

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    Hahahaha wmm, I love your response so much!! You sound like a great guy and I'm so glad that you and your wife have a great sex life :grin:! Thanks for the tips :slight_smile:
     
  19. Confused54

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    Yes, sex is good. I probably wouldn't have come out as gay if it weren't for the desire for sex. My ex- didn't have the same sex drive as me, so that was frustrating Along with my greater desire for sex with my own gender, men. Do I have sex as often as I'd like? No, bit I think that's OK at this point in my life. Working on it, though.
     
  20. OED27x

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    Wow, so I have found that enjoyment with sex and sexual desire is so tied to emotions and psychology you really have to examine what is (if anything) is holding you back. I have fantasizes about gay men for a long time while master bating to get off. But it really wasn't what I wanted and it left me empty. Keep in mind I am a woman so I was imagining either myself as a man or I was completely out of the picture. These fantasies started because my husband had an anal fetish and though I didn't like it, I had to do something to get myself through sex. So I just 'adopted' that fantasy. And, it got me off but I wasn't happy. Then I had sex with a woman, and oh my god, I finally found where sex = wholeness. The memory of seeing her get off is so special and erotic. Everything finally made sense. So just try to discover what makes you comfortable. I'm still struggling.

    ---------- Post added 24th Mar 2017 at 11:50 PM ----------

    Oh, you say you have never come. Like never? Or not in your marriage?