Hi all...Just gonna throw my story out there and see what happens... Growing up I was never attracted to girls. I wasn't as boy crazy as some of my friends and I can only remember having a handful of guy crushes, but I definitely had a few. In 12th grade of HS I got my first boyfriend and I really was attracted to him, but sexually I really didn't feel much. We messed around but never had sex and eventually we broke up. I got another boyfriend my sophomore year of college and again I was attracted to him but sexually I never felt a strong desire for him...Also I never really felt a strong emotional connection to him. Meanwhile I started noticing that I was attracted to women in movies if there were sex scenes etc. I stayed with my college by about 3 years and we broke up...I didn't date for a while until I met my last ex. When I met him I really did feel a sense of love for him and actually found him super handsome, but again when it came to sex I wasn't that into it...I loved kissing him, cuddling, holding hands and all of that. I also hooked up with one other guy and had the same feeling of dissatisfaction, both sexually and emotionally.....This obviously hasn't been easy for me at accept, thinking that I may be gay. I'm sure like many of you there are so many feelings that "something is wrong with me." Also grieving the fact that you may never have the traditional husband and kids is hard. I see all my friends around me getting married with kids and I of course want this some day. This has been going on now for over 10 years (I know crazy). I am now 29. I continue to date men hoping that eventually I'll find that one that it feels right with. But I still continue to feel more sexually attracted to women. I want to feel like I am living a 100% honest life. I don't want to be 40 years old still with these feelings of turmoil and confusion. I know that the only way to really know for sure that I am more attracted to a woman is to hook up with a woman but for me this is so daunting. Where do I even start????????
My wife notes there seems to be a bandwagon mentality. People seem to think they have to be either straight or homosexual. She is both. She suggests it's perfectly okay to be both.
WMM has a point. Also romantic and sexual attraction may vary. I'm equally attracted to boys and girls romantically, but sexually I generally prefer girls. I also am more attracted to "feminine" characteristics, regardless of gender identity or sex. I think if you want to try to figure youself out, then you might want to explore. If you want, try talking to another queer woman to get better advice XD And if hooking up with women is daunting, then maybe try a date? (I assumed hooking up was more sexual, so a date may be less daunting because it would just be the more romantic stuff) I still fear getting marginalized due to the identities I have. I also worry about troubling others with discrimination if the friends and family I come out to end up supporting me. But the fear and guilt subsides when I remind myself that people are different for a lot of reasons, and being bi is just a part of me, it does not define me, I define myself. Being bi doesn't mean that I can't have friends who seemingly will have a traditional family when I may not , or that I can't embrace my identity as a Chinese American even if most of them seem biphobic. Fundamentally, it means I'm special, just like everyone else, and that I'm just trying to be happy by accepting me. When realizing that, I don't have to feel bad about not being "normal" because in reality, I am by being non traditional in some ways aka being different
You could still get married and have kids with a woman. I understand wanting to know who you are however everyone comes to terms with themself in their own time. Maybe you should go to a gay club and see how you feel about women being affectionate with each other etc
Thank you guys! I realize there is no "one way" to live life...I just have to have patience and hope that it all works out eventually.
As someone who left the traditional "husband and wife" situation, I can confirm that there are many ways to live, and some of them may make you much happier than you are now. I came out at 44, so I spent about half of my life trying to confirm to someone's ideas. Don't think about what you're leaving behind. You may not really want those things anyway. Think of what you're gaining. I'm married again, to a woman, and am happier and more at peace than at any other time in my life.
Hi! I can totally relate to not feeling really turned on by sex with a man. I have had that struggle, like what is wrong with me? Am I broken? Certainly I have had great sex with men. Great sex with my husband when we had that first new love thing going on. But even kissing men pales in comparison to how I have felt kissing women. It's a different level. And when o was actually intimate with a woman, holy shit. It was like the stars aligned. I remember my skin was like charged all over with electricity for weeks afterward. So. Go for it girl. Try it, you might like it, ;-)
Explore. Don't worry about what you will or won't have. You can spend your whole life doing that. It's never to late to find yourself and be happy. Everything you've gone through just makes you more.....you.
