HI So I have been questioning my sexual orientation for we'll over a year now. I am a 40 year old female.married to a male. I have never enjoyed sex with him. Never had an orgasm with him. For years I didn't want anything to do with sex. I was depressed. However two years ago my sex drive returned. Partly due to depression neon gone and also fantasizing about being sexual with women. My husband has zero sex drive. We've been to therapy for it and he found out he has low testerone and is now taking replacement therapy and take cealis as well. He's trying to get thing's working. We do have sex but it's not very good for me. I usually end up masturbating afterwards. He won't kiss me or provide oral sex. He barely touche's me. When I bring this up he says it's because he has no desire too. Anyways my therapist says my attraction to women is just about me wanting someone to be nice to me. He's totally dismissed that I am really attracted to women. There are women I know that I feel attracted too. Some more then others. I do fantasize about having sex with them. I love my husband but sexually we've never really worked. It's like he just uses me as a receptacle to get off. I've told him I want the kissing, touching etc and he just says he doesn't have a sex drive. Meanwhile my fantasies for women get harder to deal with. I'm not sure if it's because my marriage is obviously lacking in that department or if I'm bisexual or gay.
My wife reads over my shoulder but makes me do all the typing. Mary is bisexual. She says she can't imagine why you would think about sex with a woman as a replacement for a lack of intimacy in your marriage. It seems to her, us, who are simple and woefully unprofessional people, that if you were actually straight your mind would drift to dreams of finding a prince charming to take you away. But hey, that's just us. Mary says if you think about women, you probably are thinking about women. Kinda straight forward not straight. Simple. Why avoid the obvious conclusion that you are actually interested in women? She also would like to add being bisexual is a thing. She has been out as bisexual for 25 years, and it is not a phase. You don't have to be this or that. You can be both straight and homosexual. Be well.
Hey Lauren. Welcome to EC! I don't want to complicate things for you however the lgbt+ spectrum is so broad I would suggest that you read as much as you can to understand yourself fully. For example you could be biromantic (you can love both men and women) and sexuality attracted to women. You will find support, understanding and friendship here. By the way your therapist is an asshat!
Hi Lauren, I find your therapists take on this odd, 'you just want someone to be nice to you,' and unhelpful. A good therapist will not throw down the gavel and make a judgement about why you want or do not want something, but rather let you explore the feelings around your needs and wants. To assist YOU in coming to your own conclusions. This comment from her is dismissive of your feelings. And if this is her general style of therapy, you may want to consider changing to a new therapist. There is likely something in your attraction to women, otherwise as WMM points out why would you just not be looking at/attracted to other men? Maybe you are gay or maybe bi--you are just questioning now and that's fine. One thing is for sure though, your sex life with your husband is(understandably!) not working for you. I am a 'late in lifer' too, keep visiting EC, you will find that what we are all going through is not all that uncommon, you will feel less alone. There is a lot of support here!
Yes, Mary says I should just say your therapist is full of it. And post again because she can't help but feel so sorry for how poorly your husband is treating you. She says you deserve to be worshiped, and she hopes you find that. Mary is bisexual. Her interest in men is romantic and reactive. When I met her I swooped in on her and used her as my sex toy. It's possible if I had not been attentive and industrious she may have turned off towards men. We wish you well.
Yes, Mary says I should just say your therapist is full of it. And post again because she can't help but feel so sorry for how poorly your husband is treating you. She says you deserve to be worshiped, and she hopes you find that. Mary is bisexual. Her interest in men is romantic and reactive. When I met her I swooped in on her and used her as my sex toy. It's possible if I had not been attentive and industrious she may have turned off towards men. We wish you well.
Welcome LaurenG. Nothing you posted is unnatural or wrong. Your feelings are there for a reason and you need to question and ask anything that comes into your head. I have only been on this site for a few weeks, but in that time it has helped me so much I can not begin to explain. For now I am saying welcome and look forward to chatting on here with you more. Moonsparkle summed it up. That therapist obviously does not understand what you are about to unfold and you do need to think if you want to go back? Stay on here... chat away and you will realise that there are a lot of later in life happenings going on with lots of us. XX One thing I would say, if anything feels wrong or makes you uncomfortable... don't do it x No one should feel they have to do something that does not feel right x
LaurenG, Welcome to EC! I've been here for a short time, but like jackiescutt17, I've gained so much from this site. I encourage you to read and understand that there are many of us who are questioning, and it's OK to do that. Like the others before me here, I think your therapist is awful. I went to my first visit with a therapist this past week to try to understand and process my intense feelings over the past few months. I found this therapist by searching for an LGBT friendly therapist. I knew I didn't want to go to someone who would shut down my newfound feelings, but rather help me understand them in a non-judgmental way. After one session, I have to say I felt so much better. I would encourage you to find a therapist who will really listen and understand you and not invalidate your feelings. You are in the right place. EC is a wonderfully supportive community. Take care.
Thank you for the warm welcome. I'm afraid to go to a new therapist. I'm afraid she or he wI'll say the same thing. I love my husband he's a good man. It the sex that is so lacking in every way. It's hard to explain. I am afraid one day Ill meet a women that I fall for and I end up hurting everyone.
A good man. I believe orgasms matter. I believed the girl I was with needed to come before I could even begin to enjoy sex with her, since forever. I think any man who would allow himself an orgasm when the woman he is with hasn't had hers is selfish and shouldn't be allowed to have sex. The purpose of a good man is to make a woman come often. Orgasms do make her feel good. But I've learned that's not a common opinion. I think every woman should expect it. Be well
