Now that my wife has been gone for three weeks and my dog is gone with her, I am finally starting to feel loss. I have seen a counselor three times and that has helped. Yesterday, I started to feel a sense of panic. I was married and bisexual one day and before I realized what happened everything had changed. Three weeks later I am free, but alone. I went out this weekend with a friend for the first time, but suddenly I am retreating to the fortress of solitude that is my apartment. I just want to snuggle. I tried watching a lot of porn while I have been living alone and the empty feeling it left me reminds me why I quit watching it in the first place. Now I am regressing and second guessing whether I did the right thing. My feelings are driving me crazy. Writing this made me feel better. There are no shortcuts to getting through your feelings, are there?
Your experiencing common emotions without question. Certainly have been there myself on numerous occasions. When my emotions would catch up with me, I had an approach that often helped push me through the tough times. I continued to focus on the end objective - living my life as I was intended to live it. I knew there would be highs and lows. I certainly enjoy the highs, and when the lows hit I recognize them for what they are and stay focused on the long term goals. Based on your last two sentences, it seems you recognize this and are taking a very similar approach. Keep it up!
No, Godless, I don't think there are any shortcuts. There is a grieving process we all go through on this journey, and you're right in the middle of it. It will get better. I think it would help you if you continue to move forward, though, and not allow yourself to "hide" in your apartment. Go out, even if you don't feel like it. Be with people, make new friends, join groups, interact. There is a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely. You will need to learn how to be okay with being alone but without feeling lonely. Surrounding yourself with friends, family, and groups of mutual interest will help with the feeling lonely part. You did what you had to do, and it was the right thing. Take some time to grieve, it's okay. But don't stay there. Take care. ride:
I can relate to the grief you're experiencing. Kudos for not medicating in unhealthy ways (drugs, shopping, or going on an encounter binge). I've been reading The Velvet Rage. Aside from seeing the stories of others in my life, it gives advice for the greater journey. It might be worth a peak. It's not mind-bowingly brilliant, but you may feel less isolated. This may be silly, and it certainly isn't a cure, but ... if you buy some dog treats and visit the a park, you may be able to get a nice dog fix, and it will get you out of the house.
Even good change can be fraught with all the emotions you are experiencing. Your whole life, your daily pattern, having someone there to go home to all have changed. Now that the dust has settled and you are three weeks into this new journey I think it is only normal that you would be second guessing things and feeling panicked. I'm sure it does feel very lonely. And no, as you've suggested there are no shortcuts in getting through something like this (I wish there were!); though try to remember that all of it, all the feelings are all part of the journey to get to a better place. Giving yourself SOME time to retreat to a fortress of solitude is fine; BUT it has to be very time limited. You will need to break this pattern and get up and out to move forward. You can get up and out and do ANYTHING. If all you can do is walk around the mall at first or go to Starbbucks and hang sit down with a cup of coffee that's fine, just do it. Progress from there. 'Fortresses of solitude' are not a good place to be long term and will just gather steam in creating the stuck feeling you are having now. There is a quote (and I am a huge quote person, my fridge is covered with them!) that I would like to share: 'Everything is temporary, beauty and terror. So just keep going. No feeling is final.' This one has helped me through the 'terror' times in my life. A simple reminder that no feeling is final. You will get through this! All the best to you
Thanks everyone. I am feeling much more confident on my ability to get through this. I know at the end of this road is happiness. Sometimes it is easy to forget about the light at the end of the tunnel. I just got to keep on pushing. I appreciate the encouragement and the advice.
