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LGBT Later in Life A support and discussion forum for older members who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender etc.

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Old 18th Mar 2017, 07:53 AM   #1
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The term 'Heteroflexible'

Hi all, am new to the site and just thought I would share a thought on the term 'heteroflexible'. Personally I love it, it feels exactly what I am; someone who loves the opposite sex (female), but also enjoys occasionally the pleasure of intimacy with another male. I've never felt comfy with 'bi-curious', though for a while that is what I was, but now that I have satisfied that curiosity it doesn't apply. Neither do I consider myself 'gay'. Not that labels are actually necessary, but sometimes they help and can be as liberating as they are restricting.

Just wondered what others think and do they identify with the term
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Old 18th Mar 2017, 08:24 AM   #2
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Re: The term 'Heteroflexible'

Makes a lot of sense to me , I identify as not straight and leave it at that.
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Old 18th Mar 2017, 09:53 AM   #3
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Re: The term 'Heteroflexible'

So to add to this I am married been exploring with guys for past six years and my wife now knows and she is starting to understand as I fully know I am know I am not Straight but also know not gay and never seeker anything more than sexy with guys. That being said with help if my wife and great therapist I have resolved it and oboe I Am recommitting to my marriage and monogamy with my wife of many years and I couldn't be happier
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Old 18th Mar 2017, 11:10 AM   #4
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Re: The term 'Heteroflexible'

My wife, Mary, says another name for bisexuals who are mostly or completely monogamous is a good idea. The term bisexual does seem to carry a lot of baggage, mostly associated with the idea they are promiscuous.

Mary is bisexual. She identifies as bisexual, openly for 25 years now. She is part of the problem, because she is what I have taken up calling a practicing bisexual. She has girlfriends, and has sex with them. She believes it right, and feels sorry for bisexuals who limit themselves to monogamy. She's pretty edgy.

When the term pansexual first came into use she was hoping that would take care of the issue, but it has a different use.

There really is no issue, but it's fun. Lots of people don't want to be bisexual because bisexual is just too out there. Let Mary have it.

Heteroflexible doesn't have the word sex in it, so it's nice and mellow.
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Old 18th Mar 2017, 11:24 AM   #5
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Re: The term 'Heteroflexible'

Hmmm

Interesting. I have no problem with my sexual orientation. But, I do admit I don't like the visual imagery that others may get when they hear the term bisexual. And, for me, personally, I like the term "heteroflexible" because as you describe it that is what I feel.

BUT. I don't like the idea of using "hetero" as a term to tame down bisexual. It implies that the opposite sex attractions are somehow cleaner or more acceptable attractions. I'm a straight guy who likes getting naked with guys once in awhile. This sounds so much more acceptable than bisexual and this is not right in my opinion although it is easier.

It took me a long time to accept that my same sex attractions are an important and integral part of me. I am not sure it is good to give that part of my sexuality a secondary position.
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Old 18th Mar 2017, 12:10 PM   #6
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Re: The term 'Heteroflexible'

When I was trying to find the perfect label for me, I toyed with the idea of using homoflexible. The problem that I have with homoflexible and heteroflexible is that they are defined in terms of behavior rather than attraction (per the OP - someone who loves the opposite sex (female), but also enjoys occasionally the pleasure of intimacy with another male). In the end I went with Kinsey 5 / gay because they are recognized and feel closer to the truth.

Having said that, people are free to identify with whatever label they feel is appropriate.
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Old 18th Mar 2017, 01:22 PM   #7
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Re: The term 'Heteroflexible'

Sexflexible?

Flexsexual?

Interesting discussion.

Last edited by WMM; 18th Mar 2017 at 01:23 PM..
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Old 19th Mar 2017, 06:24 AM   #8
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Re: The term 'Heteroflexible'

I feel like having hetero in the name kind of smooths over the truth. But yes, the term bisexual does have such a stigma to it.
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Old 20th Mar 2017, 02:50 PM   #9
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Re: The term 'Heteroflexible'

Quote:
Originally Posted by WMM View Post
My wife, Mary, says another name for bisexuals who are mostly or completely monogamous is a good idea. The term bisexual does seem to carry a lot of baggage, mostly associated with the idea they are promiscuous.

Mary is bisexual. She identifies as bisexual, openly for 25 years now. She is part of the problem, because she is what I have taken up calling a practicing bisexual. She has girlfriends, and has sex with them. She believes it right, and feels sorry for bisexuals who limit themselves to monogamy. She's pretty edgy.

When the term pansexual first came into use she was hoping that would take care of the issue, but it has a different use.

There really is no issue, but it's fun. Lots of people don't want to be bisexual because bisexual is just too out there. Let Mary have it.

Heteroflexible doesn't have the word sex in it, so it's nice and mellow.
As a bisexual, I don't get how "bisexual" is "out there".

And Mary is not part of the problem. People who see Mary's behavior as a problem, even though it clearly causes no problem for her or her spouse, are the problem. (Let me guess here that Mary tells the women with whom she's having sex that she is happily married?) If people could get over their need to police the sexuality and sexual behavior of others, there would be no "problem"...hence the problem is the need to police.

To the OP topic...I think developing a new word because an old word has a stigma attached is a great way to attach a stigma to a new word. People aren't against bisexuality because it has the word "sex" in it...they don't object to heterosexuality, for Pete's sake. They object to bisexuality because either
(a) they consider any same-sex activity or attraction to be problematic and/or
(b) they don't believe or understand how a person can be attracted to more than one sex.
Neither of those factors is mitigated by calling your sexuality something else.

The problem is not one of language, it is one of societal ignorance and bigotry. Work to fix those, rather than just hiding behind a new word.
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Old 20th Mar 2017, 06:00 PM   #10
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Re: The term 'Heteroflexible'

Yes, Mary is very up front about being married.

After trying out different things we found our balance is finding other couples with bisexual women for friends with benefits all around, for long term friendships. We move slow, and everyone knows everything up front.

Yeah, if people would just understand that everyone is different, it would be nice. We are sure most bisexual people do settle down.
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