About a month ago I came out to myself, and to a friend of mine who helped me through that rough night. Since then, I've been trying to come to terms with what it means to be gay (or bi -- but I will leave that question for later). Except for the friend who I am out to, and one other friend, both of whom do not live anywhere near me, most of the people that I know are straight. It is hard to try and go through this without some support. I can call and talk to my friend, but it is not the same when there is so much going through my head, and sometimes it is so hard to express the feelings in words. Not having any local LGBT friends is frustrating because I'm finding that I'm lonely in a sense. While I have friends, they are not LGBT and I don't feel comfortable yet coming out to them. There are times that I just want to be with others who understand. I've not been successful in finding any social groups locally. While there is a community center near, it does not seem to have much of a focus on those of us who come out later in life. And going to the local gay bar -- alone -- would just be more isolating, at least for me. (What am I going to do, walk up to someone and just start talking to them? That is just as paralyzing to me as coming out.) I've thought about a dating website, but I want to meet friends, not necessarily hook up or search for a relationship -- or maybe that's exactly what I want. As you can see, it's a confusing and emotional time.
Hi welcome as EC has been a wonderful resource for me even though I live in a very gay friendly south Florida with lots of resources , having this group on here has been great . So you can be honest and open here with no judging and sometimes Some people push you as they have pushed me too.
Hi In a lot of places it is hard to find other gay people to interact with. I, recently, came out to my wife as bisexual after 35 years together. One of the things I needed to do was to be around other gay or bi men. As I have written in other posts. My wife's comment was that "you cannot not be gay and you cannot be gay alone". She recognized I needed the same things that you desire. Just interacting with other gay guys as a gay man. My community has the same sort of LGBT center. More geared to young people although they do put on some events...gay pride, gay skiing...I attended any event I could. Although it was difficult for me to meet people and I can be pretty assertive. It would be really difficult if one was less social. My breakthrough was hook up sites. I chatted with guys but didn't hook up because my wife didn't want me to for awhile. I ended up meeting several great guys who introduced me to others...platonic. Yeah, it started out as the potential for intimacy but I found a number of friends sort of like me...just wanting other guys to just share with. It turns out there were a lot more functions going on that I didn't know about by just meeting a few people. Hiking and biking groups. A guy who just wants to play tennis. All sorts of different things. You are going to hear some warnings from others about my approach. But, I was really careful and did a lot of on line communication ahead of meeting anyone. And, I made it clear that I was looking for friendship. Best of luck. I know the struggle.
Hey TealReality, welcome to EC! You certainly accomplished a massive amount by accepting yourself. You faced that challenge and succeeded. Your now on the path to true self realization! What follows is your journey to fully embrace yourself and shed all the shame that has built up over the years. Doing so will take a lot of self reflection, some research and reading, as well as the companionship of others - whether it be straight or newly made gay friends, professional therapists or members right here on EC. Many of us become socially awkward as we have struggled in the closet, whether we were struggling consciously or subconsciously. And finding a way to break free from such social awkwardness is part of the journey. Just as you got yourself to the point of accepting yourself, you need to now focus on opening yourself up to others. So, how do you do it? Well, for starters, take baby steps. It took you time to accept yourself, it will take time to develop a social network. While you might not think the local community center can be of much help. Try and find one thing to get involved there with. No matter how small. Maybe its a group event, maybe a weekend activity. Whatever it is, push yourself to join in some form or fashion. Even if you just meet one person from doing so, it will be worth while. I have found, meeting one person, leads to meeting other people. Maybe the first person you meet does not fit, but the next person they might introduce you to might. Next, see if there is a local LGBT athletic league to join. Even if it is a simple gay walking group (not to stressful on the body and very social). Walking groups, altheltic groups (there is even an international running group called Frontrunners if your a runner) can lead you to meet people. Again, even if you meet just one person there, and then leverage that to meet others. LGBT charitable organizations can be a great place to meet people. While benefiting the group with either volunteering your time or funds, such organizations are also a great place to network an meet people. As far as apps go, as Nickw suggested, it is possible to meet people socially. Now most people are on there for sex no doubt. And you will come across a lot of challenged guys while being on the apps. But if you are extremely clear about your intentions in your profile, if you ignore all the games guys play whom are there just to hook up, every now and then you may come across a nice guy that you can share a cup of coffee with. When I travel, which I do extensively for work, I will often try and find someone to have a coffee with - it gets me in touch with the local LGBT community and calms my boredom while traveling (and, yes, I used to do this for casual fun but have since moved on). Be extremely careful, be safe doing so, and again, recognize most use it purely for sex. You have opened yourself up to yourself, now its time to open yourself up to others. You took the first step joining EC. I have personally made some friends on EC over the years I have been involved, and you can do the same. Good Luck and keep posting!
I totally get the part of not having local LGBT friends. I only have interaction here on EC and it does get frustrating not being able to speak with someone verbally. I can't exactly invite someone over to tea either Thankfully the journey gets a little better having this site at least. It isn't the ideal replacement for actual people but it works in its own way. Best of luck on your journey and welcome to EC.
You also may want to go online to supportgroups.com I have found some good discussions there as well. You can get into so many differ t forums there from gay to bi to infidelity to loneliness etc . Talking helps me a lot and therapy is great by only one hour per week and there are times I need to talk when alone and thinking . Pit does help open your heart and soul
hugs to you teal. i know it's not easy and it seems really daunting at times, i mean we've all been there. sometimes, we're unwillingly brought back to the loneliness. by no means does this virtual community can ever replace a warm assuring hug during dark cold lonely days, but know that you're not alone. you have people here - even us who are halfway across the world, that you can talk to. you can share, you can vent, you can do anything and you won't be judged. a lot of folks here are willing to lend an ear to hear you out or a hand to pat your back or knock you in to your senses.
Thanks everyone for your encouraging words. Know that I appreciate and am taking to heart all of your advice. I think for me, part of this is a desire to reach out and just be myself. It is hard to do that just in my head, alone st home. I know that the road block for me is some social anxiety. I've dealt with that all my life. I know that I will overcome that at some point. For me, right now, is where do I start, and you have given me a few things to think about. Thanks all for you help and encouragement.
