Brain explosion

My wife had a lot of problems, repressed memories, anxiety, fears, problems. Therapy, shrinks. Then after 18 years of marriage, when she was 36 years old, she described it like a dam breaking in her head. Mary realized she needed to make love to a woman.

She told me that day. We have creatively managed her urges.

Mary says you need to tell your husband. And change your mind about sex and marriage. But Mary is bisexual, or at least appreciate enough of my attention that she did not want to loose me.

Anyway, Mary says don't let the prejudice against bisexuality keep you from having it all, if you really want it all. Maybe you really don't want to ever have your husband touch you again, and you need to move on, but consider the possibility you can choose to have both. Don't think you must be either straight or lesbian. You can be both.

Mary is my Ice Cream Sundae, with 4 scoops of lesbian and 1 scoop of straight. Her sister added, "with sweet cream". Yes. Mary is a very sweet girl.

Consider including your husband in trying to figure this out.

 

Hi there. You shouldn't feel bad, wrong or dirty. Just because your husband's a great guy it doesn't necessarily mean he can give you everything you need.

Suppressing feelings doesn't make them go away. They will always be lurking ready to pounce when you least expect it. Just because you have what you perceive to be everything you could wish for doesn't make it necessarily true.

I wouldn't say your body is betraying you more it's reminding you of what you have been trying to deny for so long.

I can't say if you had an experience with a woman it would be good or bad. You could be too nervous to enjoy it, things aren't always amazing the first time until you discover what does it for a partner or you could have mind-blowing sex. You cannot predict what it will be like.

It certainly seems like it's something you need to do whether it is to get it out of your system or discover that you are bisexual or a lesbian.

I would suggest that you talk to a therapist about your feelings either to clarify things for yourself or to work out how to approach the subject with your husband.

No matter what happens your EC family will support you through it

 

I admit, since I am a husband I feel saddened at the idea of a husband who is supposed to be a great guy being given no chance to show he can handle this issue.

From my reading repressed memories are typical when people come to realize they have different sexual orientations later in life.

In my wife's case she was raised Pentecostal. We suspect her church may even have found out about her desires, and staged some sort of intervention. They crushed her, a 14 year old girl. I marvel at what a wonderful woman she became.

Please be well. If there is anything about Mary which may help you, please feel free to ask. She is very open about her bisexuality.

 

Be kind with yourself during this period of your life. Give yourself credit for being brave enough to do the work it takes to clarify your true self. It's hard, difficult, emotional work. Having a husband you care about and who is nice makes it more difficult to think about the future, but take it one step at a time. Clarify who you are and what you want first. Then, when/if you talk to him, you can be clear and together you can arrive at what comes next.

 

Hi,
I'm in a very similar situation as you. I'm in my mid-30's, married for 18 years, and I want to experience being with a woman. I have felt this way since my teens although I also had attraction to men and suppressed the women part a lot of the time. I'm asking myself a lot of the same questions that you're asking; why now? how can I even think of doing this to my husband? And despite my best efforts I'm thinking about this constantly.

I'm in a similar situation as you that I can't tell my husband yet, because it would be the end of our relationship and because he has some anger issues (we're separated right now; long story). I have a friend who I really trust who I've talked to through email, a therapist, and this board. I'd like to tell an in-person person other then my therapist but as of right now there is no one who I feel comfortable with; most of my social circle is very conservative. If you can get a therapist, I recommend it.

I hate the idea of doing this to my husband and yet hate the idea more of not finding out the truth and letting him know the truth.

 

I too had suspicions that I liked women. I say suspicions because I just tried to push them out of my mind and double down on my marriage. I didn't even ever let myself fantasize about a woman. But then my marriage got rocky and I became completely attracted to another woman. I wanted her and I let my temptations get the best of me. And i don't regret it, but I regret hurting my husband. In short, the feelings won't go away. Sort them out before you make a mess of a situation like I did.

 

You are not being selfish. None of us choose these feelings and sometimes the feelings can not be ignored. Be true to yourself. I think your feelings have pushed themselves to the top and can't be suppressed anymore. Looking back over my life I can now see signs that 'those feelings' were in me waiting to come out. Last year they came with a bang. I am now a totally different person. I have a complete new outlook on life and can not deny the feelings that are surging through me.

You are not wrong, or bad or dirty... you are you. Please don't look at yourself as doing anything wrong. I can't speak for the situation you are in with your husband as I had been apart from my ex for many years before I realised I was attracted to women. But I think once these feeling come out there is no going back. I am sure your husband would prefer you to be honest with him rather than living a lie which could destroy both of you xxx