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How likely is it?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Justasking100, Mar 22, 2017.

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  1. Justasking100

    Justasking100
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    Hi guys I've been away from the forum for a while. Been working thru some stuff and wanted some perspective of people who are gay. What are the chances that someone who is gay would be aroused by the thought of having sex with a woman? I'm not saying the act I'm say lying back and thinking of being with a woman sexually and arousal comes on ie you get erect. My therapist says the likelihood of that happening is practically nil and that the alternative would happen if you lay back and thought of having sex with a guy then you would get aroused. Anyone got any thoughts on that?
     
    #1 Justasking100, Mar 22, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 24, 2017
  2. Mj5963

    Mj5963
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    Let me answer a different way since I am still married but have not had sex with my wife for past three years while been having sex with guys . We are trying hard to reconcile and I was point blanked asked if I could get intimate with my wife again and wow it has caused me Great anxiety because I don't know . Time will tell as we try to refind ourselves together but it is a concern
     
    #2 Mj5963, Mar 22, 2017
  3. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    As I was in the final stages of coming to terms with my sexuality, I attempted to be physically intimate with my ex wife. I could not do it. "Anxiety" was putting it mildly. A few weeks later, I finally embraced I was gay.
     
    #3 OnTheHighway, Mar 22, 2017
  4. SiennaFire

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    I think a lot depends on Simone's history. If Simone is a Kinsey 5 or higher and accepting of his sexuality, then it's possible but unlikely/atypical. I know a partnered gay guy in an open relationship who is having a fling with a woman out of curiosity, so it's possible, but he's been out and gay most of his adult life. Having said that, most guys who came out later in life and have accepted themselves probably would not get aroused thinking about women.

    If Simone is still questioning, being aroused by women would be a less reliable indicator (though not being aroused is often an important clue).
     
    #4 SiennaFire, Mar 22, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2017
  5. Justasking100

    Justasking100
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    Sorry I meant someone not Simone! Sienna what do you mean by someone who is questioning being a less reliable indicator?
     
    #5 Justasking100, Mar 22, 2017
  6. SiennaFire

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    I'm saying that the contrapositive of your therapist's statement isn't always true.

    Statement: If someone is gay, then they are not aroused by women.

    Contrapositive : If someone gets aroused by women, they are not gay.

    We can't conclude they are not gay with this test. It's possible that they are bisexual (which is technically not gay) or they haven't fully accepted themselves as gay. There are many men on this site who are gay and have been aroused by women in the past. Once we accept that we are gay, the arousal disappears.
     
    #6 SiennaFire, Mar 22, 2017
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  7. Justasking100

    Justasking100
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    I guess though it's rather unlikely that a man be gay if he would be aroused just by the thought f being a with a woman. Especially if he is not aroused by the thought of being with a man. Tha is to say that he lies back and thinks of being with a man and there is not even the slightest bit of arousal. The combination of being aroused by a woman and no arousal about a man would indicate that the person was most likely straight?

    ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2017 at 05:03 AM ----------

    I get the possibility of bisexuality also but I was really thinking of things in terms of being straight or gay bisexuality would most likely involve arousal from both genders when someone lies back and thinks of sex with them. I ammmeaning fairly natural arousal one with no real effort and is simply about sexual encounters with a woman the chances of them being 100% are pretty slim.
     
    #7 Justasking100, Mar 22, 2017
  8. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    I was in the closet for 20 years. I was aroused by woman during this period, but no where near the arousal I had towards men. But when I was aroused, I felt I was forcing it and pushing myself to be. After embracing my sexuality, i no longer felt pressured to be aroused by woman, and it completely stopped.

    To your question, if someone is not aroused by the thought of being with a man, and is aroused by the thought of being with a woman, then it would be fair to conclude that person was straight. That would seem to be the classic definition of being straight.
     
    #8 OnTheHighway, Mar 22, 2017
  9. Justasking100

    Justasking100
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    I guess it's basically the idea of phallometric testing exposing the individual to erotic ides and testing there reaction to them. After all you can't fake arousal one is either aroused or not by an idea.

    ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2017 at 05:19 AM ----------

    100% gay I meant! Thanks for responses so far. It's enlightening.
     
    #9 Justasking100, Mar 22, 2017
  10. OnTheHighway

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    I am not sure I would agree with this statement. There have been plenty of gay men in straight marriages that have done just this.
     
    #10 OnTheHighway, Mar 22, 2017
  11. Justasking100

    Justasking100
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    I get what you mean in terms of someone who is gay but in a straight marriage - i guess there may be two elements to that - that the man is thinking about a guy when doing it with his wife, or simply the intimacy of the situation is enough to arouse him. I am more thinking of time when alone with your own thoughts and fantasies its unlikely that a 100 % gay man would be able to obtain to gain an erection just thinking about sex with a woman, though would be aroused by the thought of being with a man sexually.
     
    #11 Justasking100, Mar 22, 2017
  12. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Well, i focused on the intimacy of the situation, never thought of another man while being physical with a woman.

    But I agree with you that its unlikely a 100% gay man would be able to gain an erection just thinking about sex with a woman. Someone less than 100% on the scale would be more able to.
     
    #12 OnTheHighway, Mar 22, 2017
  13. SiennaFire

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    What's driving this question? Are you revisiting your sexuality?
     
    #13 SiennaFire, Mar 22, 2017
  14. Justasking100

    Justasking100
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    thanks guys. Its just a little reassurance seeking following things that have beenb going on with me recently. I've found that since exploring with guys (part of which i regret a little) i've been finding that i'm more often than ever before even as a teenager i'm getting aroused just by the thought of being with a woman sexually, but theres a part of me that just says i'm in denial.
     
    #14 Justasking100, Mar 22, 2017
  15. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Mind if I ask, what causes you to feel some "regret" exploring with guys?
     
    #15 OnTheHighway, Mar 22, 2017
  16. Justasking100

    Justasking100
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    I've had some tricky moments with my thoughts in the last wee while - i was having a meeting the other day with guy and i had thoughts of doing stuff with him sexually that i couldn't get rid of (my therapist says these are intrusive thoughts) and it made me question myself. I proceeded to go to the bathroom after the meeting and physically wretch at those thoughts, so i guess i'm just seeking a little reassurance that i'm on the right path.
    I've been patching things up with my ex recently and i want to make sure that i am certain about my sexuality...

    ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2017 at 06:12 AM ----------

    OTH - of course you may ask. I guess i feel a little ashamed about it for some reason.
     
    #16 Justasking100, Mar 22, 2017
  17. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Not sure that really gets to the answer as to why you feel regret, it certainly reflects how you reacted to it. You used the term regret, curious what that actually means and where it comes from.
     
    #17 OnTheHighway, Mar 22, 2017
  18. Justasking100

    Justasking100
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    i live in a very straight world and i know of noone who has really explored their sexuality really, especially guys so i guess i feel little like a freak who didn't know who he was. That is not born out of any prejudice, far from it, as its more embarrassment at the not knowing and the questioning.... its not really something i'm likely to bring up in general conversation for example so i'm a little ashamed about it. I have every admiration for people who stand up for who they are and who know what they are, gay straight or bi, i just feel a little embarrassed that i havent been able to clearly know who i am for such a long time.
     
    #18 Justasking100, Mar 22, 2017
  19. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Gay or straight, it takes people years to figure themselves out. The process of figuring yourself out is a lifelong one. Some, and I would argue a small proportion, are able to do it early in life. Others take longer. And many people (again gay or straight) fake it to the outside world presenting themselves as confident with purpose and direction when instead they lack clarity and self awareness.

    As far as "I live in a straight world", that is a statement reflecting shame. And shame is what drives people to repress their sexuality to begin with. You might be the most open minded person with no prejudices, but you may very well need to address the prospects of shame brought on by living in a straight world.

    Rather than having admiration for people whom stand up for whom they are, you need to have confidence to help you figure out whom you are - whether you are gay, bi or straight. And to do that, you should consider maybe focusing some more attention on the underlying shame.

    If you can work through the shame, you might be able to give yourself some clarity to help you work through your sexuality wherever it leads.
     
    #19 OnTheHighway, Mar 22, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2017
  20. Justasking100

    Justasking100
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    Yeh thats a fair point about shame. It has a lot to do with the difficulty i even had verbalising my problems. but fact of the matter as this thread has outlined my sexual drive is towards women and not towards men, i now know that, but i guess there is always the tiniest room for doubt....
     
    #20 Justasking100, Mar 22, 2017
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