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After ALOT of processing...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by OED27x, Mar 26, 2017.

  1. OED27x

    Regular Member

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    So, after a lot of processing I realize that over the past two years I have just flubbed things up. I attempted to deal with an identity crisis, sexual confusing, coming out, marriage problems, all at once. Didn't work. I spiraled out of control, hurt my husband, created more confusion. If you want some backstory, read my long ass post about creating a mess. I'm also a devoted mom to two young kids so I have a lot to juggle. But don't we all. ;-)
    My question is, had anyone else really created drama or reached a tipping point with understanding yourself, hurt people in the process? And how did you then center yourself? My husband and I are both in individual therapy, we had two attempts at couples counseling but things were too emotional then to be effective, we have agreed on a trial separation, we have admitted our individual roles in our marriage problems, I have actively apologized for hurting him, I am trying to learn grace and accepting my many faults without damaging myself, and finally I am trying to accept while heartedly my sexual fluidity.

    ---------- Post added 26th Mar 2017 at 09:17 AM ----------

    Also, it might be important to note, I began coming out about 5 years ago. I told my mom I liked women. She looked at me and said, well, ok. And smiled. I felt really relieved about that. She died about a year later but I was so grateful I got the chance to get that off my chest with her before she died. With my husband I told him I wanted to try threesomes, but I wasn't as forthright that I truly was attracted to women. I didn't want to hurt him that I was having a hard time and have always had a hard time being with men. (Although I do find some enjoyment in that too, hence I consider myself bi). But, the older I get (I'm 39) the more I felt I needed that same sex intimacy.
     
    #1 OED27x, Mar 26, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2017
  2. Justshort

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    Wow I read so many posts on here of people feeling like I do!
    I just am not brave enough to try an encounter with a woman.
    I too worry about the mess is create so do nothing rather than make a mess.

    I hope you find happiness
     
  3. Worker Bee

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    Hi there. I hope you find what you are looking for.

    Unfortunately we don't all achieve clarity and understanding at a young age. Some discover who they are much later in life. As a result it can be difficult to untangle yourself from the life you are living to begin the life you want/deserve.

    It's not always simple or straight forward but you have to believe that you have the right to be happy.
     
  4. JackieScut

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    Everyone deserves the right to be happy. Sometimes it is cruel to carry on living a lie by staying in a situation that is false. I found out later in life that I was attracted to women and had been apart from my ex for many years, so I don't have that complication. I would not comment on that. But you can't blame your self for your feelings and I feel sad for you that you are apologising for them. And they are not faults, we don't choose to have these feelings and emotions, they are part of us. Don't apologise for who you are, I hope that the time you have apart will help you begin to love yourself. XxX Thinking of you