1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Next step

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by JackieScut, Mar 26, 2017.

  1. JackieScut

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have put a few other posts on this site about my life over the last year, and have chatted online to some lovely people that have made me realise that I am not the only one to realise so later in my life that it is not wrong, unnatural or weird to one minute be content in what you have, to suddenly want more from life.

    I am not going back on other stuff I have mentioned in previous posts but am now aiming to be more positive in what is coming in the future. I came out a close friend a few weeks ago who was simply lovely and is being so supportive. She has a heavy workload at the moment and I haven't been able to see as much of her as I want. I really needed a catch up and last night we got together, drank far too much and had a real good heart to heart, finishing at 5am. I have never been in therapy, or talked to anyone as much as I have to my friend in the last few weeks. She is a great listener and has many wise words. Not just the ones I want to hear. So many things came up last night. Things I had forgotten... maybe they just didn't seem relevant at the time. A lot made me think that I have wasted a lot of years following the wrong path and that I have always felt attracted to women and didn't understand those feelings at the time.

    Someone on the TV was getting a painful wax. My friend looked at me and reminded me that my ex was quite hairy! I hate hair... hairy men were the biggest turn off for me and I made my ex go for regular waxes.

    Lots of things came into conversation. I ended up talking about a teacher that I had a crush on. Then a few actresses came into conversation that I really like. It made me think more and more and more. I love Cher. Meryl Streep. Helen Mirren. The presenter on the voice even looked different last night. The woman that smiled at me in the supermarket... I didn't know her!!! It is like I looking at life through different eyes now. I feel different. I seem to care more, understand more. I'm not a hard person, but I have always been the sort to say 'If you can't change it, just move on and get over it' Not anymore. I seem to feel deeper... think deeper, longer.

    I have lost weight, 5 stone since September last year. It was when it all first happened and I thought I would put the loss of appetite to good use by doing something long overdue. This time I found losing weight easy. Being love sick helped. People at work keep saying how I have changed. Looking back they only knew the recent me. They didn't know me years ago when I enjoyed life and felt happy. When I wanted to go out and socialise, wanted to party and have fun. Somewhere along the way I was happy to gain weight and let myself go. Why. Was that because I wasn't happy. I loved being a mum and raising my kids. They are grown now. I feel by shedding the weight the real me is coming back. I quite like having me back. I have missed me, but I think the real me is different. I now don't ever want to stay in, I am always the friend arranging a night out, even a few drinks at a mates house... as long as I am doing something. I am always the last one up... so much energy. 52 year old teen is what my mates describe me as. 2nd childhood. One friend said the other night " what the fucks the matter with you" slow down. Does anyone else have this happening to them? I don't think of myself as 52... I feel younger and when I am with my group of friends although only one is older than me I think I act the youngest.

    I still feel the loss in my stomach for the women I fell in love with. Will that always be there?? I hope not but then part of me doesn't want to forget that feeling. I think she opened something in me that should have been opened years ago and even though there will never be a chance I can be with her she has changed my life and I honestly think now it will be for the better. I feel a stronger, more confident and more grounded than I have ever felt. I feel that I am becoming happy with myself and do not feel the need to say or behave how others feel I should be! I am so excited and scared at what is coming but I need to explore what is out there. So next Friday is the next step.

    My friend said to me that as hard as things may be now, everyone deserves the right to be happy. She went on to say that life is too short. Trying to live your life how you think it should be instead of following your heart to explore how it could be for you is wrong. You are lying to yourself and in the end will hurt everyone around you as you are not being true to yourself! Also trying to suppress feelings and emotions can be self destructive. I am not going to say anything to my other friends till I have done some 'exploring' and be totally comfortable before I tell anyone else, and not feeling that I need to explain how this started. I can't explain the start of this to anyone else to be honest as the women I fell in love with is connected to others and that can never come out.

    I do not have a partner, not for many years now... my choice. My previous relationships were always hard work and not satisfying for me. I did try but could not go on in something that had something missing. I couldn't explain what? My ex still sees my sons, although now they are very seldom in. He has another partner and is happy. So for me that makes this a bit easier as it's just me! Explaining to my small family and work??? Well that is not something I am thinking about just yet. I think my youngest sons and oldest will be fine. 2nd born... not sure on that one. But they all have their lives and will follow their own paths and take from life what they want... why should I be different? Why should I stay in this limbo not knowing what could be in my future... I have to know!

    I have read lots of posts on this site this week and can feel that so many of you are feeling the same way. I am not great with wording things, some of the posts on here are so beautifully written with such feeling and emotions that they leave me feeling I want to give you all a big hug. I'm not adding any user names in this as you all know who you are xxxx I think all out paths will take different routes as we have different lives with different people in them. But I think we all need to remember that we are important too, and so is our happiness.

    I signed up on a site that arranges meetups. Not just for LGBTs but for anyone that needs something else in their life. I have a night out planned next week. My friend is coming with me for the 1st one. It's about an hours drive from here. I have decided that I will be less likely to see anyone I know. But as my friend said, if I did see someone then they would be there for the same reason as me! We have even booked a Bed and breakfast and are going down Friday afternoon... going to enjoy a walk along the beach, some fish and chips... a few drinks and then head over the meetup.

    I have just looked online and the meetup seems to be the biggest gay meetup in Brighton. So much for me being discrete. But you know something, I don't care. I feel every day is a move forward in the right direction. I still have moments where I am really on a high and then moments where I sit and sob, but I am coming to terms with the fact that last year I did fall head over heals in love with someone and it is taking time to get over that. I also had to come to terms with the fact that I don't think I have ever been 'in love' before. Loved... not been in love. Had sex... not made love. Been in a relationship... not in any pairing that I could see making old bones! Never had that feeling in my stomach that I had with her with any man. So! This weekend is the next step. Some of my EC friends have said once this hurdle is out of the way then it's another accomplishment under my belt. I am hoping so. I am not heading off in the hope that it will be a case of 'eyes meeting' across the bar. I am going in the hope of making some new friends. It may be that I only talk to my friend... I don't know? If my eyes did meet someone else's then who knows
     
  2. Worker Bee

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2017
    Messages:
    862
    Likes Received:
    44
    Location:
    Manchester
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    :thewave: you really are an inspiration.

    You go girl!!!
     
  3. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    This. Yes. This.
     
  4. JackieScut

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello Really... how are you x
     
  5. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    Good thx. :slight_smile:

    Bumbling along. Psyching myself up for a lesbian meetup next weekend. :astonished:
     
  6. JackieScut

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Same here for me next Friday. I'm taking a friend for support. What I thought was going to be a discreet meetup in a bar has turned out to be the biggest gay bar in the town! Staying over night there, all booked so no going back. I am actually feeling so excited now. Scared too but think it's the next step. What is your venue? is it near you or are you venturing further out like me lol
     
  7. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    Mine is at restaurant in my city but not in a neighbourhood I frequent but I'm not sure I'd be worried unless it was really close to me. I'm too lazy to go further afield but I live in the big city around here so there's a good amount of choice. :wink:
     
  8. Moonsparkle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2017
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi Jackiscutt-Thanks for sharing! It sounds like wonderful things are happening for you right now! And it sounds like these things are happening are due to your new found ability to be who you really are..and to be okay and happy about that! Plus, recently you have taken risks, been vulnerable, expressed yourself to your friend, and this seems to have led to an even deeper connection in your friendship. And seems to have led to some very real conversations! In addition you are getting out there, making plans, doing new things. The weight loss is also a bonus in all this. All good stuff!

    I can relate when you say that coworkers have noticed you have changed. I think it's true that vibe that we send out about how we feel about ourselves can be sensed by people. This especially goes for coworkers since we end up spending so much of our time with them. I was always a person who felt NOT okay being me, never good enough etc etc. I just had this ongoing negative thought pattern about myself, and I can see now how that colored my world...for soooo many years. I think that acknowledging that I am a lesbian and so happy and thrilled that life has finally clicked into place for me that I now just carry myself with more confidence or something. Still a BUNCH of issues that I struggle with, and am working on in therapy, but somehow things in general life seem better. I want to be out there and engaged in life and connecting with others. In many ways I do feel much younger too!

    I think all of us in this late in life group share a special bond. All of us, by this age have been around the block a few times, have been knocked down a few times by life...and so many of us are now ready to move on. To live authentically, to move in a direction that gets us to the place we want to be! We know we aren't 20 anymore with endless time ahead of us. (Though it would have been NICE to get to this point at 20--but I just have to go with the thought that everything happens in it's own time, when we are ready...) Keep us up to date on how your Meet Up goes!! :slight_smile:
     
  9. Peterpangirl

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    846
    Likes Received:
    662
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    "Never good enough" - that rings bells with me too, Moonsparkle. Interesting...

    I think I am getting better at self-acceptance, though, and bizarrely, I think my "awakening", whilst still at this point incredibly painful, has brought me face to face with new aspects of myself that make me feel more "whole" and therefore - I think perhaps - more able to accept who I am. It wasn't that I was fake before - maybe a better analogy is that I was like a jigsaw with some missing pieces, or that I was living with a distorted, unbalanced version of the "real me" - I felt that I was in some way faulty, compared with others. This was a subtle, but insidious feeling. Now I see myself as a human being with flaws, sure, but, equally, with genuine strengths. I am trying to appreciate my strengths, and work on my flaws as far as I can - whilst realising that there are certain things that will never be my "strong points": and knowing that's okay - that's part of my humanity...Perhaps there are some positives to coming to this realisation that I am not straight, however rubbish things are at present.
     
    #9 Peterpangirl, Mar 29, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2017
  10. Moonsparkle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2017
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Peterpan girl--yes, good way to describe-the feeling of being more whole. The jigsaw puzzle analogy to me is right on target. There was this undercurrent of 'faultiness' around me. It's like I was always starting with this hypothesis that I was somehow unworthy..and in a lot of ways presented myself as such. Though I have always been a social person, pretty extroverted, as far as revealing 'too much' about the real me I was quite introverted. As you mentioned it's not that I was fake, but more that I went through life as some watered down version of me. Never revealing too much, lest others see the 'unworthiness' I saw in myself....I hope that makes sense!

    I believe it all stems from my upbringing, of being told, directly and indirectly often that my feelings, my thoughts, the way I did things was bad/wrong etc etc. Taught to worry what the 'neighbors think', the lesson being 'don't be an embarrasment'. When you are a kid you just take these 'lessons' as fact...for sure playing a big role in the distorted version of myself!

    Feeling much more 'un-distorted' now (and my own awakening played a big role in this) it's somehow just easier to move through life. I'm ok revealing who I am, I know I am not 'bad'. Without having this constant veil of unworthiness over me, it seems that my interactions, relationships, work life--everything has just become calmer in my mind.

    Not a straight line though--I can still fall into the negative thought patterns-but I seem to bounce back a bit more easily.
     
  11. JackieScut

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think I had children too early. I do not in any way regret my children and love them to bits and who they have become. They make me proud everyday. I had my first child at 19! I went from school, to work. No college or uni, I didn't do that bit in the middle where you explore and have fun away from home and the supervision of your parents. I think I missed out on a major bit of growing up. I didn't even go out that much as a young adult as I had a child. 1st piece of my puzzle lost.

    I think then I just went from relationship to relationship. Mainly with people I knew, or friends of friends. Mistake after mistake I thought. Wasn't mistakes... I was looking for something in a relationship with a man that I wasn't going to find. Another piece of puzzle missing.

    Next relationship, my 2nd child and that went wrong. I thought again it was my fault. We parted. Third relationship and 2 more children. It lasted 15 years. I did try so hard. It Still had something missing. Thought it was me again, well it was. He was happy, although most of the time it was like I had 5 kids instead of 4. Something else happened along the way that wasn't my fault and I did use that quickly to end it! So I thought it was just the way I was. Not destined to be with anyone and resigned myself to living alone. Then that all changed when I fell for her... and you know that part.

    I seem to be going through a transformation. One minute up and the next down. I do feel like I am super charged with surging energy that I need to channel somewhere. I seem so much more confident, I wasn't shy at all before but now I feel like I have got a extra 'proud' gene that gives me superpowers. I know this sounds daft but it's how I feel. I really like the way I feel at the moment. I don't like how I got to this point. Falling for her was and is still the MOST painful thing I have ever had happen to me. But it was definitely a turning point for me realising who I really am. I think I will always have her in my thoughts.

    The friend I confided in is brilliant. She is so supportive and our friendship is on a totally different level now. I can't fully explain how at ease I am with her. I went to her house last week and didn't leave till 5am. We just sat chatting. Such deep conversation. No topic not mentioned and nothing that we felt embarrassed or awkward about. Including everything from childbirth to masturbation! I have never had that connection with anyone. Since all this happened and since being on this site I have realised how important it is to talk... chat or even type your feelings and not have them bottled inside festering and driving you mad! What you said Moonsparkle about acknowledging yourself... you really have to do that don't you before you can move forward? And doing that is a hard process and I have to be totally honest and say I really didn't like myself! Not now though, I love me at the moment, and me is ready to go out!

    Being authentic... I like that. Just being us. If people like us then fine... if they don't then they can just jog on!
    x
     
  12. JackieScut

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Quick post. I have been in bed so ill. I think I have the flu. I have had a headache all week but Thursday it got worse and Friday I couldn't even get out of bed! Had to cancel Friday MEETUP. The booked hotel went to waste and I am gutted! Once I am up and about I will check on the next MEETUP date and hope I can do that.

    Really x How did you get on.
     
  13. Mel68

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2017
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nh
    Wow. You ladies are so inspirational. I'm just realizing that I am gay. I haven't told anyone yet but I'm definitely ready to get out there and meet people. It's so scary but it helps to read all of your posts.
     
  14. JackieScut

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello Mel68 and welcome. You are in the right place. The people on here are lovely. It was the best thing I did joining EC. I couldn't log in yesterday and I really missed my EC fix.

    It's very scary and exciting where you are right now. I look forward to chatting on here with you more x You can say and ask anything. Just be yourself. I found being honest and saying stuff from the heart is helping me get through my questioning time. Other people have probably been where you are and where you will be heading and they can share their experiences with you.

    Jx
     
  15. Moonsparkle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2017
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Jackie---sorry you are sick and had to cancel your weekend plans and the Meetup! Fortunately this won't be your last opportunity to check out a Meetup, and hopefully by now you are on the road back to health!

    I like where you said how you feel more confident and that you have an extra 'proud' gene that gives you superpowers. :slight_smile: It does remind me of another of my favorite quotes I have on my fridge:

    'You had the power all along my dear'--(from Glinda the Good Witch in the Wizard of Oz.)

    Maybe we DID have the power all along! Maybe the power was just dampened because we weren't living as the real/authentic us. Not sure--but it's a cool quote anyway!

    Mel68--Welcome! All of us here are in different stages of our journey. You will be able to learn from the experiences of others and others can learn from you too. EC has been really helpful to me!
     
  16. JackieScut

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you Moonsparkle. I am feeling a bit better today. It was the flu. It hit me quick and hard. But I can actually sit up today. As well as feeling really ill I was still able to sulk lol. Like a child that missed a party. I make myself laugh at the moment with the way I'm thinking and behaving! But it couldn't be helped. And yes, I am already looking at another meetup.

    I love your quotes. I did try to find the other one you mentioned before. I should have written it down. The one that says you are not becoming someone else but are finding yourself. I did nearly have it but I tried to remember last week and it was gone. How did it go? x
     
    #16 JackieScut, Apr 1, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 1, 2017
  17. Moonsparkle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2017
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You can always count on me to throw some random quote in there every now and then!
    I think you mean this one:

    'Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.'
     
  18. JackieScut

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you Moonsparkle... that's the one x. I had a hard day today. I felt better and actually got vertical. Then I got a message about an ex work colleague that had passed away from a brain haemorrhage... she was 50! That got a group of my friends and I talking about how short life is. And then 'she' messaged me! I froze when I saw the message but I was also really pleased she had made contact. I have explained before we have a connection by family which means we will see each other again. Contact though had been stopped by her after me reiterating my feelings for her. I should have stopped at the first event when I knew nothing would come of it. The conversation started by her asking how I was? She would often check in on me. She was concerned for me when it first happened as I said before we would message most nights but then I said something I shouldn't and she said it was best to just stay as 'family contacts' and no more. Occasionally commenting on group family facebooks shares but no more.

    The conversation led into more deeper things. She said she was glad I was feeling better. I even felt I could tell her of my time since that break and how she had opened up all these questions within me. I thought if I told her that it may make her think that it wasn't something she encouraged but just something I was going through and she was the one I fell for. It didn't get that far.

    She said she was glad I felt better, and wished she did! I was gobsmacked. All this time I thought she had dealt with that. I did do something else that night, can't put too much on here but I did touch her, it wasn't only me telling her how I felt. I was very drunk and had no inhibitions at all. She had said at the time 'drunken nonsense' and that she understood that you can't help who you are attracted to. She did at the time seem to deal with it so well? I think now she was just putting a face on to ease the situation. It is very very complicated. But she hadn't dealt with it. She went on to explain that she had felt extreme guilt, and felt that she had been invaded. And needed to talk to me. I explained that I would never have done anything to intentionally hurt her and hearing this took me right back to how I felt at the beginning. I also realised that I am still totally head over heals with this lady! I thought by my questioning and planning to go out and meet other people that I was at least beginning to get over her, but no!

    We chatted for a while, family things. She asked if having time helped me and I was honest and said it had. But to be honest I am now getting that knotted feeling in the stomach again. And I wish she had told me earlier how she felt, maybe got angry with me... 8 months later and it's coming out? I suppose it's her working through her shite. How selfish have I been. I stayed away, I wanted to message and ask how she was but in the beginning I would get all my words wrong and make things worse. I respected her privacy and kept my distance. I never went on to explain anything else about what I have been experiencing. She still didn't get angry. She said she doesn't know how to take it back. Back to how we felt before this happened. I felt lost as there was nothing I could say. I have left this woman in a mess.

    We ended the conversation friends. At least she has said that. I have no reason to doubt her, only my paranoia set in a bit. We are going to resume our family roles, I feel it does look suspicious that we don't communicate more but we both have busy lives and she travels a lot so no one has mentioned anything. She has said we must draw a line under it all and move on and I agree. How easy that is going to be... well. Only time will tell? A long time back in one of our conversations she asked if I was a lesbian. At that time I hadn't even thought that. Not been on here, spoke to anyone, I had said no.

    I wanted so much to tell her what I was unwrapping. But didn't feel I could or even should? Then after we finished talking I thought what will I say, what if I meet someone... someone special enough that I want to bring into my families lives. I know at the moment I really don't think I should consider any sort of relationship, but a year ago I wasn't a lesbian. A year ago I wasn't head fucked like this!!! So I am now struggling with that! She asked if I was, I said no... now I know I am a lesbian, I didn't say... should I have said. I was so happy we are back on an even keel which was needed and had to happen... what do I do? I spoke to my friend who couldn't work out why after all this time she said this. I can understand it. Chatting with someone one minute, a family member... the same sex and then realising she has the hots for you. Must be fecking mind blowing! It blew my mind and it was me doing it! As far as I know and she has said this, we are 'sorted, good'. I hope that's true. Now it's just me thinking about a future conversation we may need to have. But I will probably mess that up... status officially getting changed back to confused!
     
  19. Moonsparkle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2017
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Oh wow--I can definitely see how talking with HER could throw you all off and stir up all those feelings again! Especially since her message was unexpected.

    What I gather from your post is that she admitted to you she felt both 'guilty' and 'invaded' by your interaction that night...and that she may want to talk to about this further? I'm not sure either why it took so long to express these feelings to you. Is she usually reserved or uncertain about expressing herself? This could explain it. Or maybe it just did take her this long to process it all. Or maybe she just wanted some time to go by before bringing it up again.

    At any rate--it sounds like you may have a future conversation. You asked a question about whether you could or should tell her you are a lesbian. I understand why you wouldn't have told her in this current conversation--I don't think I would have either. IDK, I just think there was already too much going on in this conversation. However, if there is a future chat with her you may want to do it at that time if you feel comfortable. But as far as I can recall you are not yet out to your family. Keep in mind if you do share with her, it may get out to your whole family. Would you be comfortable with this? Or would you want to come out to your family in a different way?

    It is nice that you two at least seem to be 'good' now. Do you think that you will ever be able to be friends with her in the way you were before all this? It might be really difficult to do, still having such strong feelings for her. You may need some more time away from her. I'll throw in another quote that's sort of applicable, 'To heal a wound you need to stop touching it...' I know sometimes I can see my ex and it's fine (some progress here!) and it doesn't throw me into a tailspin. But other times, UGH, it truly is like pulling a scab off a healing wound...and it starting to bleed all over again!

    I know this recent interaction with this woman has stirred up some feelings; understandable, but don't let it derail you! It seems to me you have made a lot of progress in being comfortable with yourself/true to yourself and also taking some risks. Try to stay on the forward moving path!:slight_smile: