How do you get out of a rut?

I myself sometimes feel like the only Bisexual in the town lol

And it can myself can get me down as I just want to meet someone who loves female companionship for hug and a kiss.

Have you spoken to a counsellor about what is happen as, I have also spoken to a counsellor about what I am feeling.

I have google online and saw if there was any support groups for woman like myself were I live . I did find one but the woman in the group were in there 60s and did not want a young person myself in the group.

And not many of the woman in that group loved comic books, puzzles and computer games lol

I contact a LGBT helpline and they told me about Meet up were u can find groups and social events around were you live.

 

Simply put, conviction. You need the conviction and determination to improve yourself. And when that is there, then take the steps necessary to look deep inside and sort through your insecurities, understand them, and solve them.

 

I think there is a lot to be gained by trying to cultivate healthy self-love. I think if people who share a common interest can see that in you they will at least want to hang with you for friendship. I appreciate, though, that it is very nerve wracking indeed to branch out.

 

Are you working with a mental health professional on these? Depression and anxiety are difficult to self-treat.

 

The way I look at it is that other people that attend these groups have the same thoughts and worries just like you. You are a really caring person and I can see by the other posts you have shared that you have so much love to give, you give support and listen to so many other members on here and you really deserve someone to listen to you and give you a hug xxx Try going to one of the MEETUPS. You don't have to go to one that holds discussions or any thing that will involve you having to be to involved in sharing thoughts or anything like that. Some of the meetups are playing pool, or walking or going to a museum. If you went to one of those and you felt uncomfortable you could just slip away and go home. That's what I plan to do next week when I go to one. If it doesn't feel right I will just leave xx

Check out what is in your area. Or if like me, go a little further out. Email the 'event host' to introduce yourself. Tell her how you feel and that you want to come but don't want to make a big fuss. They hold MEETUPS where the host will meet you and introduce you to the other members. Then it's up to you what you decide to do. The event host I messaged said that 4 years ago she was just like me. She said she is now happily married and she and her wife host their own events.

The MEETUP I am going to is at a bar. A place for chatting and downstairs for dancing if that's what you want to do. The MEETUP group has an area and there will be a meetup sign that you can navigate to on arrival. The host will meet me and introduce me. I'm shitting a brick. No reason why I should feel like that. But like you... it's the unknown. But I will just be meeting people. Other people that just want to make friends and have a good time.

I know what you mean about being stuck in a rut. Take little steps. Perhaps plan to go to a meetup for half an hour. Or go to one of the day ones if you can for tea and cake. Just check them out and see what's there. It doesn't hurt to look. I will admit that 4 weeks ago I don't think I would have considered doing any of these things... but I do now x I know each day with me it seems to get easier as I am getting more used and accepting of myself and the new me. I really hope you begin to feel that soon.

I feel up an down all the time. I have butterflies already thinking about next week but i'm going. I have to. It's one of my little steps. I don't think any of us can go back so what else can we do but move forward xx

 

I know this a cliche, but it is very true:

"The only thing to fear is fear itself"

 

Do you have any hobbies that can be done in groups of people or in friendly competition? Some sport or activity or even computer games (was that you who said that?). I'm wondering if there are any meetups for any of those near you. Not specifically LGBT because maybe you're not ready for that yet but just something to get out and meet people with similar interests.

I've done it for a couple of things I like and it's amazing how nice people really are. In one of the groups, most of the others are quite a bit younger than me but it makes absolutely no difference. They are super welcoming and friendly and when we've had a good time there's always a bunch of high-fiving. It seems that's a thing. Who knew! Haha. It may not be a hug but it's human contact.

As for LGBT meetups, I'm a member of one and have been to one of their events. It was at a pub to play a game. Very low key and all the conversation was really superficial and easygoing. The weather, some local politics, the traffic, and other non-consequential piffle. The closest anyone got to asking a personal question was when the topic of family traditions came up and someone asked where my grandparents were from. See? No biggie.

That being said, I'm currently talking myself into going to another one which is for pizza and board games at a local restaurant one afternoon. How much tamer could it possibly get?? But still, I'm working up to it.

My advice would be start with a non-LGBT group, possibly women only and get your feet wet.

 

This is a great start! As long as there is uncontrolled anxiety or depression at play, it may be difficult to act on some of the other suggestions in this thread.

 

I actually have dealt with depression, anxiety and low self worth aswell. However I have mostly manage to overcome it nowadays and what truly helped me are the following things.

1. Mindfullness. Being conciously aware of how you're body is feeling can really help you to figure out where your depression, anxiety and low self worth is coming from and deal with it.

2. Allow yourself to feel your feelings without getting sucked into it. When I for example felt sad and I would try to fight it. It would always come back stronger like a boomerang straight to the face. However when I would Just allow myself to feel the feelings of sadness and anger. Yet didn't conciously get sucked into it(thinking negative thoughts, feeling bad conciously aswelll). I would notice that over there the power of these feelings would wane and in time they just completly wane.

3. Remember Yourself that things take time and keep going at it. I remember first starting to use my techniques to crawl out of the depression, anxiety and low self worth. At first they didn't seem to work. So I truly felt like I was gonna feel worthless my entire live. However if you keep going at it you will eventually start to notice they are startin g to work and n time even look back with a smile and how far you've managed to come already.

4. If you're truly convinced of a negative view of yourself. Use the following technique when you think in such a way.

step 1: Ask yourself can I really never do X? or am I truly that X or is it just all in my mind?

step 2: think of a reason why you can do X or why you are worthy or you are not x and try to tell yourself that with as much conviction as you can.


5. Find positive proof. When we are depressed we ussualy try to find proof. To justify our negative thoughts. So instead of trying to find proof for something negative. Try to instead find proof of something being positive in your live.

6. When something goes wrong on your life. Instead of focusing on the negative. Focus on the positive. this excersize will seriously help seeing life in a positive light.

7. Your thoughts are your friend. I had for a very long time. A very low self esteem. For so long infact. That had become pretty normal to me. To see other people as perfect being that were perfect in every way while I was this imperfect looser unworthy of any of them. now that I have become more positive in my life this has luckily started to change and I pretty much see all peopleb as my equal now for the most part and that is all thanks to one single thought I remind myself of constantly when I feel myself as lesser then other people "everybody is my equal". That single thought has helped me so much already it's crazy.

hope these suggestions help you.

 

Conviction and determination can come when you truly feel you have had a enough of standing still; and you decide it's time to move forward.

No one will give this to you. There is no magic potion. You need to find it inside of you. Only you have the ability to harness it and act.

You can ask others how to get out of a rut all day long, as so many here do. But until you have reached a point where you feel compelled, no external factor will help.

 

Hi there,
As mentioned--depression and anxiety can be tough nuts to crack on your own. I am glad you have seen a psychiatrist. And though counseling did not work for you in the past, I would encourage you not to rule it out--there ARE therapists out there who you will click with and much can be gained from work with a good therapist.

I have had depression/anxiety (diagnosed with a mood disorder at 18) for years. I'm 49 now. I have had some serious struggles with this through the years. It certainly does color our perceptions of ourselves and the world around us. We are all prisoners of our own reality...it's difficult to see that what we feel about ourselves may not be accurate. For instance you mention, 'my interests aren't all that appealing.' This is your belief, it seems quite real and accurate to you because it is your reality and how you feel. But feelings aren't facts. And the fact is there is a high probability that quite a few people in the world would find your interests quite interesting.

One of the other responders mentioned looking for positive proof. I think this is great advice. We tend to look for 'proof' of our negative beliefs about ourselves--it's a confirmation bias thing--we look for proof in daily interactions that line up with our beliefs about ourselves. And if those beliefs are negative then we end up looking for negative 'proof'. I spent A LOT of my life doing this--not even realizing I was doing it. It was just normal for me. I could turn ANYTHING into a confirmation that would line up with my negative beliefs about me, (even a compliment.)

I sense it is really really difficult right now for you to put yourself out there now, to make new friendships/relationships. I understand and though I am much better now, I still have my struggles in this area!

I would take baby baby steps here. First, allow yourself to at least SEE the possibility that the way you feel about yourself is not representative of the way the world sees you.Very hard to do, but be open to that possibility. Also in my experience, medication has really helped. Medication didn't all of a sudden make my self esteem skyrocket--those struggles can still be there! BUT---I am not sure how to describe it, but it does seem to treat the 'disorder' parts of my moods and depression...and makes interacting and experiencing new things easier. It has made me able to more find more positive proof rather than negative proof. I switched meds a couple years ago and this one seems very effective. (My old ones kept me stable but I didn't feel they really helped.) Therapy too has been very helpful.

I would also do ANYTHING outside of your comfort zone. I am not talking about going on a date or anything like that. I mean a real baby step that you can sort of make out of something you already do in life. For example I belong to a gym. My gym sometimes does these special events, a class on nutrition, non-competitive fun challenges--stuff like that. I used to NOT ever attend these things (too anxious etc etc--'what will it be like? will I have to talk with people?). I started going to those things. So basically I took something I already did and just took it a step further. I'm sure for some people this would be a nothing step and just normal---but for me it was something new and different...and has been a great experience. I've learned a lot, and met some people. Doing something like this could be a small step in moving out of a rut, without too much pressure at all. Anything that helps to feel less cut off from the world will be beneficial.

Not sure if any of this helped, but I do understand the whole depression/anxiety thing, and I am sure many of us in the EC community do. All the best to you

 

Therapists and doctors are definitely a useful tool, and as you stated, they can help in cracking the nut. They provide guidance, direction and sometimes medication all to provide support. But thats all they can provide, is support. They do not provide a solution. It is there job to make it easier for a person to work through their issues; but the individual is solely responsible for doing so. To actually crack the nut, the individual needs to be ready to look in the mirror and embrace themselves - for all the good, bad and ugly.

 

I think we agree but I want to be terribly clear.

• People with anxiety or clinical depression should seek out professionals to treat these conditions with medication and therapy because self-treatment is really difficult.
• Therapy is very useful for identifying and eliminating behavior patterns that result in anxiety or depression. I agree that people need to be open to looking in the mirror during this process. Finding the right therapist is very important (one who is competent and whose style complements the individual seeking therapy).
• As the anxiety or depression is controlled, individuals reach a point where they can take a more active role in the introspection process with or without a therapist and start expanding their comfort zone by pushing themselves to take increasingly larger baby steps (whether it be for healing shame and internalized homophobia; fixing unproductive behaviors; or finding closure).

 

Agreed, not at all diminishing what is required to assist with clinical depression.