If you've read any of my posts, you know that my marriage is on the rocks. My husband and I had some long standing issues. Everything was complicated by the fact that I did have an infidelity with a woman. So, we both kind of spiraled out of control for a while. It really shook us to the core. I knew my marriage was in trouble before but I didn't realize how vulnerable I was to getting drawn out. I have NO excuses and do not condone cheating. Anyway he has told me that he can forgive me, but with everything that had happened, he had taken a step back and realized there are other things we will never get over, things he doesn't want to live with, he doeant trust me, and finally, is is not ok with me being attracted to women. Even if I am bisexual, he says he doesn't want a wife that only half way there. He says it's not fair to him. We have been together for over 16 years so this is pretty difficult. Iwe also have two young children. I can't disagree with him though. This isn't about just me. This is about what he wants too and I want him to be happy. I am glad though we are at a place where we can talk about this though. He has been avoiding me like the plague so, this is some progress.
Happiness is the end game life is horrible otherwise . My wife and I decided to stay together and accept my infidelity and bisexuality so we are healing together and I am beyond thrilled . Be happy please
Hi There could be a couple things going on here. He may not be accepting your bisexuality because accepting it would be being O.K. with the feelings that led to your infidelity. That's human nature and he could be reacting to that. He may come around once the hurt feelings are healed some. The other things is that he may not be able to live with a bisexual, regardless of monogamy. That's more serious. Because your sexuality is a fundamental part of you it means he doesn't accept all of you. This may not be something you can live with. When I came out to my wife, I wrote her a letter. In that letter I asked her to consider that I am still the man she married. My sexuality is a part of what makes me who I am and is embedded in everything that I am. It has always been there. It's just that now she is aware of it. Fortunately, my wife understands this. But, I think it is harder for others to get to that level of acceptance. He may need some time. Continuing to communicate about this is very important. Sometimes silence can be taken as agreeing. Don't agree that you will not be bisexual.
Not feeling really accepted or heard is was one of the issues in my marriage. i gave up a lot of what made me, me because sometimes you just need to pick your battles. Sex is important to him too and I have had a hard time being intimate with him for several years. And this is something he is not OK with either. There are tons of things I'm not OK with too. But we have two kids and that is very hard.
OED27x Certainly, children complicate things. Marriage is difficult enough without the added stress of having a mixed orientation marriage. I think that one thing that some of us do when we come out to our spouses is take the blame for other problems in the marriage and assign it to our sexuality. "You don't find me attractive because you're bisexual". And, because we feel guilty, we accept this. But, the real reason may be that you are not as intimate for a host of other reasons and your sexuality isn't even an issue. Are you sexually attracted to your husband? Let's say everything else about your marriage was great. Would he light your fire?
Nickw- hate to say it, but no, he doesn't light my fire. I knew he would be a good dad and was a stable companion and we had fun together. That's why I fell in love with him. He's a good guy. Incidentally, I saw the woman I had developed feelings for today. My feelings are still there. She's just an amazing person and so damned gorgeous. But she and I were never meant to be. Our friendship is different now. We only engage in polite conversation whereas before we were confidants. I have doubts I could ever find another woman (or man) that I felt really drawn to. And would they be drawn to me. My husband is he only man that's really loved me. And I'll always cherish that. I will always love him. But yes my coming out has really complicated things too. This is something I know he cannot get over. He has yelled in my face, you're a fucking lesbian! Said, soon the kids will find out what you really are. Basically, just the worst shit. But like I said, we were both spirally out of control after everything happened. I said and did some pretty bad stuff too. It was a mess.
OED27X This is a tough place for both of you. Of course everyone is different in their intimacy needs. But, the reason I almost cheated on my wife was that my wife had become uninterested in intimacy with me. I need this. So, I started looking other places for it. Sexual intimacy is a fundamental human need. If your husband isn't getting this, and neither are you, what are your options here?
