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Smiling

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Highlander2, Mar 31, 2017.

  1. Highlander2

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    So, for those of you with the stamina enough to have - from time to time - followed my enduring journey of twists, turns, hills and descents, over the last 3 and a half years, you will know that the path hasn't always been easy. Easier than many people's journey, but still not easy.

    It's when someone tells you that it will get better when you least expect it, that you take a hold of any put it away in a drawer in your head and think 'ah, that's a nice thought. I'll just keep that there to look at every now and again'. :wink:

    So about a month ago I made the decision that I was deleting all the apps that I had found myself drawn back to - more for conversation than hook ups - but I found it a serially depressing parade to watch and read profiles that specified whole sections of humanity that just 'didn't meet the grade' - no fems, masc only, top only, bottoms only, open relationships, no relationships, dating, married, not interested in relationship, and on and on and on.

    I began to feel a sense of weariness and almost resignation that actually, finding someone that i connected with and shared the same outlook and values with was not going to happen in the world of the App.

    Before I deleted all the messages, one of the guys I'd chatted to last year caught my eye again. I wondered in that split second how he was - we hadn't managed to ever get a date due to work commitments - so I sent him a message just asking how he was, not expecting to really hear back but kind of hoping I did. It was an odd thing to do really.

    I heard back from him about 3 days later, and we got talking. And talking, and talking, in fact for the whole day. And a lot of the next. We met later in the week and have met frequently since then, talked for hours on the phone and chatted frequently every day by text.

    Honestly, this man ticks every box I have been looking for but most importantly, he makes me happy. He makes me smile, and laugh, and is out and comfortable in his skin, and there's no drama, he's just a normal guy. And he is head over heels for me. And he makes me smile, and smile and smile - on the outside, but also I have this huge inner smile that just spreads whenever I see him or hear from him. And he's the same. We lie sometimes and just look into each others eyes and talk, and time just disappears and we think "where did the last hour go?"

    Spending time with someone who is visibly attracted to you and who's not afraid to show it in public, who tells me how he feels and isn't afraid to make a fool of himself and trusts that it won't make a difference how or what I think of him... :slight_smile:

    And all because I sent a chance message to someone I talked to a year ago. :slight_smile:
     
  2. Moonsparkle

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    I love this story---thanks for sharing! Exactly while you were deleting apps because you were worn out and figured you would never fine a guy who 'made the grade'--you did. :slight_smile: All because of one message...

    When you find someone who you can talk to for hours yet it seems like only minutes have passed--it really is priceless! So happy for both of you. And so happy to be reminded that you never know when your life will change! Keep smiling!!!
     
  3. SiennaFire

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    Thanks for sharing the story and congratulations on finding a guy you really click with. I love how you found this guy when you were deleting the apps. There's probably a sophisticated psychological explanation for this involving capitulation/surrender, suspending expectations, and just living in the moment, which might be useful dating takeaways.
     
    #3 SiennaFire, Mar 31, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2017
  4. Highlander2

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    Thanks guys. We talk and talk and talk. Often for hours at a time on the phone and time passes fleetingly, yet we talk about anything and everything. There is no feeling of being restricted on what we talk about, and it's open and honest.

    Thinking about him causes a starburst inside me that causes the smile to spread - it's something that I can almost feel radiate from my sternum, right across my chest and flow into my face. It's usually accompanied with a sigh as well, which is completely involuntary!

    Honestly, I really feel like I got it bad! :love::love:
     
  5. OnTheHighway

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    Fantastic!!!
     
  6. JackieScut

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    Oh this has made my day. Thank you for sharing. I am so pleased for you both
    A beautiful post x
     
  7. quebec

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    Highlander2...YEAH! WOW! SUPER! FANTASTIC! It is so great to hear such a positive story!! So many times we only hear the "darK" side of things. Which is OK because we need to help and support our brothers and sisters... But it is so fantastic to hear your story and know that things can and do work out. That people can be happy! Thanks so much for your post....made my day! ......David (!)
     
  8. Peterpangirl

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    Thank you Highlander 2. I agree with David. All the best to you!
     
  9. bearheart

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    Isn't that just beautiful .. Thanks for sharing, and wish you all the happiness in the world. (*hug*)
     
  10. Imjustjulien

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    How delightful...and bravo to you. So very sweet, when it all said and done 'where did that last hour go' Beautiful!!!
     
  11. greatwhale

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    There's a lot to be said about love at second-sight...which means one must never give up!
     
  12. Highlander2

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    So a quick update.

    Thats almost two months now and I am the happiest I have ever been with anyone, ever.

    I include life with my ex wife in this too. Whilst I love(d) her, the feeling that there was something deep inside missing that made me crave intimacy with a man, always meant it felt like something was unfulfilled or missing.

    We see each other regularly - certainly a couple of times a week - and he's been to visit the city where my 'home' is. Were talk for hours about everything and nothing, often just gazing into each others eyes and suddenly realising that 4 hours have passed.

    We are planning a break to Europe soon, and we plan to build more time into seeing each other every week.

    He makes me laugh and smile - friends comment to me when I talk about him that my face lights up and he's said the same thing: that his friends know when he's received messages from me by the change in his face and smiles.

    I love this feeling of being in love. We talk about a future - something that has NEVER happened before with any other guy I've been in a relationship with or dated. And he's almost reticent to talk to me too much about it for fear of scaring me away. His experience has been any previous talk with the guys or boyfriends has led to them making a sharp exit.

    I have found someone who I love doing anything with - be it cuddling on the sofa, talking as we drive or sit on the train, or getting intimate and physical.

    I want to talk and talk about him - his friends have already started to joke with him that he always manages to get the conversation round to talking about me.

    I have never felt this level of confidence with anyone in the last four years, the level of trust he instils in me and the deep sense of emotion I have for him. It's not just lust, but I would be utterly devastated if I never saw him again as he is a lovely, kind and really nice guy.

    Sorry, I am going on at length here - you'll be reaching for the sick-bags in a minute :wink:

    What I am clumsily trying to say is: from the position I was in over a year ago when I felt that the bottom had fallen out of my world and that I would never find someone I could really trust and have confidence in, I really feel that I have discovered someone who - on the surface - gives me no reason to feel anxious or doubt him; who makes me feel adored and supported and cared about; who when I'm with makes me lose track of time, brings out a side of me that I didn't realise existed to the extent it does :slight_smile:king::love:slight_smile: and who reciprocates everything I give.

    I want to spend as much time with this man as I can possibly manage, and am so looking forward to getting to know him more and, seriously, he is everything I could have wanted in a boyfriend.:thumbsup:
     
    #12 Highlander2, Apr 23, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2017
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  13. Highlander2

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    So an update at almost the 8 months mark. I am still very much in love with this man, and he tells me every day how much he is in love, and loves, me. He shows me every day just what I mean to him and there are times where I feel amazed that someone feels this way, and shows it, about me. We have travelled together, he's met my children, and we stay together most of the time. He's my friend, my lover, and my partner and I never want to be without this man in my life. We've had the big conversations about a future together which is what we both want. We have both been around the block a couple of times :slight_smile:D), so we know how we feel is real and not just a teenage or twenty-something crush.

    I have never felt so loved and cared about in my life, and the absolute devotion, tenderness and intimacy this man shows me makes me resolve every day to show him how much he means to me.

    It's been 4 years since I came out and this, this is what I had hoped to find in all those years where I questioned why I felt the way I did when I was married to my wife, and over the last 4 years. To find a man I loved and who loved me, to live together and build a life that made us both happy.

    I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. This is it.
     
  14. bearheart

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    Highlander2, this is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Your experience and story gives me so much hope for tomorrow, really appreciate it.
    I wish you all the best and happiness with your loved one :kiss_mm:.
    Hugs:blush:
     
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  15. Choirboy

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    I'm so happy for you, Highlander! I joined EC only a few months before you did, and your story and the Google brain was what brought my guy here shortly after you joined. So we're all connected in that weird "six degrees of separation" way that many of us here are. It's an amazing feeling when you find someone who truly makes you feel like your home is wherever they are. Congratulations, and thanks for checking in!
     
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  16. PatrickUK

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    Really great to read your update Highlander. Yes, it's been a rollercoaster for you over the last four years, but look at where you are now. I wish you every happiness and look forward to reading your update when you and your man reach the 13 year mark, like me.
     
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  17. SiennaFire

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    I'm so happy for you and him. Thanks for sharing this wonderful news!
     
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