Today following a meeting where I was the guest, afterwards talking over coffee and cakes. A middle aged lady and I were chatting. She was attractive and our conversation pleasant. But simply two adults talking. Two younger men, in their 20's I guess, handsome, well built, well mannered, joined in our conversation. Years back, as a youth, a young man I would have found the lady attractive. Today, simply pleasant conversation. Whereas years ago when talking with other men, a sense of engagement, enjoyment too, cameraderie. Today, like recent years, increasingly over 15 or so years that undeniable attraction, and arousal. But more so today, and the thoughts...I wonder if... A few nights back watching a discussion on TV, physicists talking about the stars, two females, four makes. But what I was struck by was how attractive, how atracted I was to one of the men. His clothes, his face, his physique hidden beneath. He mentioned his wife and kids. It made no difference, I found him so very attractive. Kept looking, enjoying what I saw. And.smiling, in a sense seeing myself, so naturally engaged. Since exploring my emotions, allowing myself the reality of being me, of my sexuality, it is like a light has turned on. It is palpable. The discussion read and had here, a catalyst each new day for becoming that guy, this man no longer wanting to hide. But now consciuosly looking noting seeking out my path to come out. Stepping into the shower this morning, looking down to see myself, my naked form, the masculinity that being male affirms so attractive in my eyes, these feelings like so many other men I'm coming to realise. Surprising myself, saying out loud 'it wont be long before I seek out the next local Pride march, I want to join in, I wonder when, how can I explain...☺'. How exciting, how freeing that thought...I smiled happily as I stepped under the water. A sense of elation and freedom. A great place to ponder. I realised in a very definite real way, that my talking to women in a situation such as today, has so often over the years been more about safety. Even hiding. For I would not dare go and talk to the fellow who caught my eye, denying in some sense, for fear someone might suspect. Worse than that I might be attracted, then what... But for all of this, I've changed. For real. I can feel it. I want to talk with 'that guy over there'. Why not, why shouldnt I. He's like me. The reality has become a daily awareness, my attena is up as it were and its on, and I do not want to turn it off. Is this another of acceptance, Im sure, as feels so right, that I found the young men most attractive.:eusa_clap:eusa_danc A sense of pride on the rise. ACCEPTANCE. I recall just recently in coming to EC the welcome suggested writing, join in, post ones thoughts and seek others experience and help. Its making more every day. Please share your thoughts, your own path, I'd love to hear about your journey.. of similarities and challenges on this path we each live.
I look forward to reading the post where you express the conversation you actually had with one of those attractive guys! I spoke to one of those guys myself while waiting for a flight, and he is now my husband
I recognized this part of your post in my experience, "I realised in a very definite real way, that my talking to women in a situation such as today, has so often over the years been more about safety. Even hiding. For I would not dare go and talk to the fellow who caught my eye, denying in some sense, for fear someone might suspect." I avoid the cute guys since I feel intimidated by them, not as good as them, nervous and like you said, worry of other's suspicions. I'm not great at meeting new people anyway, but it's much easier when they're not a guy who catches my eye.
Thank you... ---------- Post added 9th Apr 2017 at 12:49 AM ---------- While it was quite mundane conversation really, it was however most pleasant, just the awareness of my feelings was pleasantly surprising..they really were very cute. .Someone aligned (for they seemed quite straight) would surely have picked up on me....which is a really appealing thought...soon and soon :eusa_danc How delightful...thank you for sharing, that is really lovelly, and so happy for you...both.. ---------- Post added 9th Apr 2017 at 12:59 AM ----------
It's great progress that you are giving yourself permission to be yourself and appreciate the beauty in another man. Coming out is so much about unlearning our own inhibitions that served us when we were in denial. It's so wonderful once we learn to let go and let ourselves flow naturally when we no longer resist what is. Keep it up (*hug*)
Thank you. I just wrote a reply. Then lost the lot, Doh!!! Suffice to say all of what you wrote is such a joy, an encouragement, acknowledgement. No turning back...like breathing pure oxygen all the while knowing feeling experience how right and true it feels. If this is coming out, I am coming out.
