I'm usually ok, usually feel strong, but.... I'm so sick of living this way.... my life is changing too slowly. Things I set into motion, I have to constantly dial back and start over because there are legal issues, I'm vulnerable. I'm completely dependent on my ex because of my visa... I'm working on fixing that but it just seems like every step I try to make to break free, be myself, move forward, is constantly threatened. My ex is trying to make me feel fear all the time because he knows I feel totally vulnerable. I worry if I make the wrong move I'll be told to leave the country, or my ex will threaten custody arrangements, f* up my finances, and so on. I'm working on protecting myself better and informing myself better as each new issue comes up. But in the meantime I feel like life is collapsing around me sometimes. I'm not making a lot of sense right now. I'm feeling a bit panicked and not articulating things clearly.
Can you go to the CAB and ask for immigration advice and for support regarding what to do in your situation?
Yes that's what ill be doing either this week or next depending on when I get a day out of the office
Talk to the divorce attorney and understand the law. Mitigate legal risks as best you can. [Reclaim and] Be the dyke they say you are to stand up to his attempted bullying. You are in the part of the process where patience is often required. Prepare and arm yourself and have faith everything will work out.
If he threatens you with the visa, any divorce settlement can potentially be rejected if you were to sue him after the fact. Talk to your lawyer, you have more leverage then he thinks.
ok, one bite at a time. get the visa worked out, get that help your boss was offering. talk to your lawyer RE custody, isolate your finances like get a separate bank account for your pay cheque etc.
I don't have advice, just to say keep being strong Barista. You've got this and it will all end up for the best.
I want to add my voice to those who say "stay strong". It does sound like your ex is trying to bully you. Deep breaths. Keep your head held high. You are a loving woman who is worth more than this. What does not kill us makes us stronger. You will come out the other side of this all the more ready to face any challenges.
Just a quick update because I don't want to leave this thread hanging... I started to feel stronger after writing this, all of your words of encouragement were helping me as well. And practical advice too. But I went to pick up my daughter from nursery and learned something really worrying about my daughter. I'm not doing too well right now. At the moment that's the only thing I can think about. I'll keep dealing with the other stuff, now I'll just do that on autopilot. And myself and my ex need to get to the bottom of things with our daughter. I'm not even sure how to put my feelings down, things feel terrible at the moment.
Take care of yourself, Baristejedi. I understand what it is to worry about a child. It eclipses all else. I hope your ex will work supportively with you on this. X
Hang in there Baristejedi, you will get there. I remember reading one of your threads a few months ago when you asked if you deserved to be happy and I remember thinking but not wanting to say, deserve is the wrong word. We work for happiness, we fight for it and from all you've been saying on this forum, that's exactly what you've been doing. Work through the issue with your daughter and then do the practical things your friends here have advised but know that you will come through the other side of this.
