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A small statue beckoned ... masculinity unavoidable

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Imjustjulien, Apr 10, 2017.

  1. Imjustjulien

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    Today as I walked into the clients home and lounge, glancing round the room, was an unmistakeable beacon signalling my sexuality. Latent for so long, always there, now rising more confidently to the surface of my life.

    It was the standout form, the masculine physique, a sculpture of a man, naked, strong, taught, defined, a bow and arrow drawn at the ready... It was maybe a foot and half tall, dark in colour, vague in detail yet distinct, beautiful.

    My reaction hidden from view.

    However, someone aware of the meaning and motivation behind such an unprompted reaction - that 'passing' yet 'specific' glance - would surely know the inner attraction appearing, subtle to most - those in the room, but without doubt to those with like male sensibilities...obvious as sunlight.

    There is a joy in that.

    There is an old saying, truly know yourself one percent - then you can know the other by the same...and vice versa.

    From time to time for the next hour, as our meeting proceeded, I would make the occasional casual glance. The image, or my own sensuality for the male form had me, just gorgeous.

    At times thinking, as conversation flowed, how might I weave a look, a connection into our conversation so as to glance more fully, to bring attention as a natural part of our discussion, from within the safety of our small intimate but very other topic gathering. And what was that image doing there, for the gathered audience straight laced, even unaware. Maybe a family treasure, it sat among photos and things mundane.

    How complex the factors at play from years of hiding, now more than ever coming to the surface.

    Why do I share. To bring foward, into the open, how often now these occurances have become. How unpromoted my glance was, from the corner of my attention...straight to it.

    No hiding me. In these hours since, aware of how my feelings seem to have become so much more attentive, I see acceptance of who I am. I like what I see, what I feel.

    To tell of this here, among fellow travellers. That is a joy. One cannot hide from oneself forever... time to come out seems a natural unfolding. I saw today it was always going to come, just now its becoming active, I'm being honest.

    While life is full of choices, its not really a matter choice, for it seems inherent deep inside. That is what also comes through as I read the many experiences shared and offered here. The timing, degree, possibility, reality, unique for each of us...
     
    #1 Imjustjulien, Apr 10, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 10, 2017
  2. SiennaFire

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    It's great progress that you are noticing that more and more things are coming to the surface. You are discovering the treasure that's been hiding in the dark corners of your soul where you've feared going.
     
  3. Patrick7269

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    I think what you describe also arises out of being present in the moment without censoring your feelings. You experienced the joy of your inner self coming out I think. I'm on a similar journey. Although I have been out for years I still all too often censor and judge myself out of shame and internalized homophobia, which are enemies of joy.

    Patrick
     
  4. Imjustjulien

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    Thank you. That surfacing, it is a joy. I dont know if this is common but its as if 'feeling gay' ... a certain quality a knowing, a sense of oneself. That has not been there before. I guess it is when light shines into those dark corners. No more hiding. :smilewave

    ---------- Post added 11th Apr 2017 at 07:10 AM ----------

    Thank you Patrick. You're observations are reassuring. Being present, noting but without getting attached makes sense. Though I must admit I was rather capivated by the beauty of that particular image. I guess it was allowing tmyself to go there...to acknowledge. I love that you put into words what I felt '
    '...experienced the joy of your inner self coming out...' These are such powerful and affirming words. :kiss: I know right in this moment the hugs I have been searching for across my life. That internalised homophobia, not realising, scared to look into it and see how pervasise it is in ones makeup. How wonderful it feels, like breathing anew. (!)
     
  5. OnTheHighway

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    Well, I agree it is great how your letting your sexuality come out.

    For me, sorry to say, naked male statues simoly are not appealing.

    A beautifully sculpted living breathing warm to the touch naked man, well that's a different matter all together! :icon_redf
     
  6. Imjustjulien

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    Omg...what a beautiful thought. I am so glad to be here..:kiss:
     
  7. Patrick7269

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    The most alluring thing about beauty is that is has no reason to exist; it simply "is". Just enjoy it!

    Patrick
     
  8. Imjustjulien

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    How true Patrick. So the looked upon holds no intrinsic value, and by habit or other it is we who invariably add the label. Then the next would be, letting go labels and untouching or beholden to labelling, so beauty as it is in everything... what a beautiful we are.