I go through phases where I post on here constantly and others where I don't visit the site for a while, so some of you may know my story and others may not know CubbieBlue yet. Short summary, I had gay thoughts and dreams as a kid and curious thoughts as a teen, but always really liked girls so I thought those thoughts were just because I had never had a serious girlfriend. I also have always really liked girls, so it was easy to push those feelings out. That and even though I grew up in a city with a large LGBTQ presence, my neighborhood was not one that accepted everyone so quickly. Even though, I never really suspected much because the mind is powerful. Fast-forward to my late teen years and introduce my first serious girlfriend of 5+ years followed by marriage, 2 kids and 7 years later, and I can no longer hide it form myself or her. Current State (3 years later) There are days where I don't really care to identify "what" I am because I don't care that I like women and men. There are also days where I understand that even though I don't care how I feel about it, people who've never battled those kinds of feelings may need a label to understand how that could be. On those days (and those moments) I'm comfortable being labeled bisexual. I think, why not? I don't mind being labels dad, husband, son, etc., so what's one more that can help others understand the different parts of me. To some, I am completely one thing and to others I am several. I'm okay with that. My wife and I have been doing well. We have our marriage issues just as anyone else has, but they're not because of my sexuality. But that's mostly because I'm the one working at it. I'm the one scaling back. I'm the one that doesn't get to talk about my likes. I don't get to explore with other men and many times, I think I still might be suppressing feelings. Other than when I watch porn, which I do a lot, I don't get to express that side of me. And for the last year or so, that's been okay. My marriage is stronger because of it. And I do love my wife very much. She's the hottest woman I've ever seen and she's sweet, funny and all the other sappy stuff people in love say. So I'm happy being married. She also opened up a little bit. While we don't talk about men or anything like that, she is willing to play with me back there during sex and is willing to do other things. Sometimes, especially immediately following sex to completion, this is just fine. But then it comes back. Me not being completely okay with it. Me fearing I'm not living 100% genuine to me. Me choosing one happiness over another. And the biggest fear is that one day it will not be enough and I'll do something I regret. I will cheat. Or I'll start sabotaging my marriage so that I can be with men. But not just men. I do love the romantic feelings for women. I always have. I guess now I'm rambling. But from what sense I may have made, does anyone have any experience in this? I'm afraid that even though I'm happy now, I one day will not be and I will no longer be young (I'm 34). Or for some other reasons, I will regret my life.
Hey, thanks for sharing! My question to you is what do you think would make you happy? In an ideal world, if you could have things exactly as you want them, what would that be? What would it look like? Bisexual doesn't have to mean non-monogamous. Many bisexuals are happy in monogamous relationships with one person who is one gender or the other. They find other outlets for the other side of their sexuality and it works for them. But it sounds like you desire being with men. Do you think you'd be satisfied just being with a man? Do you think your ideal situation is an open relationship where you could sleep with both? Do you think it is possible that this is partly boredom after being with the same person for such a long time? Do you desire being with any other women?
Thanks for chiming in! Would it be horrible if I said I didn't know? I would definitely love to have sex with a man. Do all kinds of stuff with one. I've never been romantic with a man, but it's not something that turns me off. But I still want to be with my wife. I think that no matter what, she would still be my number one. Especially romantically. Would I be satisfied? I don't think I would be satisfied it it were only once. Or if it were only sexual all the time. I don't really think about that part of it too much. I do think that an open relationship would make me happy, but I don't know, since that's such a foreign thought. I have been a little bored in the past, but I don't think that's something that can drive me so far as to have gay thoughts :icon_wink And although I do love looking at other women and can be turned on by other woman, I don't actually desire to be with other women, sexually or romantically. But I desire both with my wife.
