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Bi in Hetero Relationship (aah)

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Mia C, Apr 12, 2017.

  1. Mia C

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    Hey everyone,

    so I'm bi and only just realised that I'm not constantly just going through "phases", as I had been telling myself.
    I know technically nothing has changed, but it still feels like a big deal to admit this to myself.

    I'm in a long-term hetero relationship at the moment. He is wonderful and knows everything about me, he's a real partner to me and I honestly love him. I don't ever want to hurt him. I have talked to him about my feelings and made sure he knows, it doesn't make me feel less attracted to him. he is unbelievably big hearted and supportive!

    My problem is just, I want to be with him but I also want to open myself up to this new side of me and I feel a bit restricted. I'd like to meet other girls who like girls and just talk to them and stuff. Not necessarily even hook up with anyone, I just want to discover this side of me, but everything I can think of doing kinda feels like I'm betraying him. :tears: :bang:

    Does anyone have any thoughts or has anyone gone through something similar? :slight_smile:

    -Mia
     
  2. Adray

    Regular Member

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    Congratulations on finding yourself, that is awesome!

    I'm bi, too. And I'm married to a woman (opposite sex marriage).

    For me, being in the closet and keeping my secret (my bi orientation) from everyone except my wife was hard. It felt like I couldn't be the real me. So I talked to my wife about coming out as bi to friends. Her main concern was that we stay monogamous and that we explain that part of our relationship if/when I came out. After a lot of talking, we decided to do it. She has been amazingly supportive of me. I started the coming out process last May. I am pretty much fully out to the world now - family, friends, work, even FB. It has been an amazing experience for me. Scary, exciting, stressful, wonderful, fulfilling, nervewracking... you get the idea. But I feel like I'm fully me now, if that makes sense. I've also gotten involved in our local LGBT Center as a volunteer. The volunteering is putting together materials for their disease prevention and harm reduction programs (condom packages, etc.) and helping set up PrideFest, etc. In a couple of weeks, I'm volunteering to take tickets at a Drag Show. But it's the personal interactions with the other LGBT volunteers that is so very rewarding to me.

    The volunteering, and just being me, being a bi person in the lives of those I know, is satisfying for me, without having any extramarital relations.

    That's been my personal experience.

    I want to note that what works for me is not for everyone. For some bisexuals, polyamory is ideal, and I support that for them. For me, monogamy and being out and open is awesome.

    There are some other EC regulars who are also bi who have had different experiences from mine, and I hope they'll chime in here, too, to help you out.

    Good luck, I wish you all the best on your own journey. You've already made the most important step - finding yourself. It sounds like you have a great guy there, too. Be an awesome bisexual, you can rock it!
     
  3. Mia C

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    Hey Adray,

    thank you so much for your reply. I can't even tell you how much it meant to hear this. I'm so happy that you and your wife found a way that made you both happy and enabled you to integrate this part of you into your lifestyle & marriage. That's a real relationship goal just there! :slight_smile:

    Your LGBT Center sounds awesome as well. I'm absolutely going to look into whether we have something like this in my city.

    Your enumeration of emotions made me chuckle a little, because I totally understand what you mean. All of this is incredibly frightening and freeing at the same time, sometimes saddening sometimes makes me feel euphoric, I feel like I'm back in puberty, with that whole intensity of feelings, roller coaster style. :slight_smile:

    Thank you so much, again. Your message really means a lot. I think I'm going to head over to your page and send you a friend request :slight_smile: I hope you don't mind.

    - Oh cool! I just realised you play bass as well. I make music, too! :slight_smile:

    Have a great day!

    -Mia
     
    #3 Mia C, Apr 14, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2017