Today, 21108 days and a few leap years on... I told a friend

Yesterday, in a text conversation with a friend, and quite by chance, he confirmed what I had guessed for awhile. And I during the following text replies (smiling and quietly excited to myself...realising 'here comes' the next step in my own journey) wrote: 'Dare I say and joyfully so, there's some rainbow in us all..'.

All the while, as we moved to other topics, came springing into my mind, I want to call him, and say, well as it happens .....

The chance passed, the day moved on, and our chat and things we had to discuss concluded. But at that moment I saw that 'nothing' is stopping me.

Today, we chatted again, which as it happens is Good Friday. Talking work matters of mutual concern, but this time by phone. A long conversation ensued during which I bought yesterday's topic up, and thanked him - with near tears in my eyes - for sharing.... to which (and while not my intention one way or other) he was I could hear and feel very touched. Two sweet men connecting.

Then with my heart beating so strongly out came those words (an admission and a cry hidden from all close to me for so long), '...I wanted to say yesterday, actually I've been gay all my life...I'm so pleased to tell you. I'm so please you told me.'

The phone was silent for hardly a second, before he simply said, 'yes I did pick up in a hint in your texts.' ... words and hints I most definitely placed to be found. Oh the games we play with ourselves. LOL

We talked on for near to an hour, it was just a joy, yet at the same time as if nothing had happened, beyond two men who each like men, at different points in their journey, who understand where we each are coming from. Shared a conversation.

I am fuller right now and more than ever before...

While it is not 'me', this Good Friday coming out, does make 'me' so much more.

So today, to a good friend, in this small yet big way, with out fanfare, but with warmth, intention and gratitude, I joyfully share here with you EC.

May your own rainbows be bright, your journeys be safe, your blessings be many and sweet.

Imjustjulien

 

Thank you, smiling.. and in this I realize too it is rather a milestone...! :eusa_danc

 

Q, thank you so much...your words, just perfect. JustJulien, today I am alive.

 

I feel it, just this one time, I cant put a finger on it exactly but it feels empowering... as if all those experiences over the years stand up and cheer.... there goes my theatrical bias ...LOL

How wonderful to have your understanding encouragement journey and support.

Looking forward to chating with my new out to friend again soon...a long cup of coffee and topics a mile long and a lifetime wide to share ...

 

I love it...! (!)(!)(!) Thank you.. what I feel, is its 'ok' to kiss and like guys, like I want to do... SF its like coming home, or better 'coming homo'.

I feel like a school boy won the lottery, and its an all boy camp-us, everyone has pink socks, shorts or shirts, and the headmaster is decidely gay... or is that me. OMG

For a lifelong outwardly straight appearing lad, I really do tend toward that other side of me, tempered by I mustn't for so long. Not that Im going to burst, at least not any time soon...

And even now I have to pinch myself, is this real, is this permission....yes! Forget the labels, and at the same time I feel like bursting out..

Is this a normal outcone...did this happen to you, or is akin to whatever the range of norm might be...

Having said that... a visit a few minutes ago to the GSA Gay Sydney Australia gallery on Instagram (of course close to home) and I was interested in my reactions. Some pics easily drawn to, while others some aversion. Some stale ill at ease Homophobic reaction coming up from the depths.

So I held my gaze, and lightly, to let whatever feelings that arose, good or bad, be until they each passed... and doing this quite a few times, found what came each time was a calm, then acceptance, then acknowledgement. Then then what I can best describe as a quiet growing confidence.

Again, like being home.

And this IS me. It is coming alive. Like a personal mardi gras of life experiences and fantasies rolled into one.

One of the GSA video clips is of a group of dancers along one of Sydneys streets during the recent mardi gras. Well rehearsed, swinging giant rainbow flags in unison, their steps prancing somewhat, pronounced and playfully gay is how I describe it...

As I watched I could feel the long pent up yearning to join in... I could/can actually see myself doing so. To go to the Mardi Gras one time has been a dream... and now I can see one day I'm going to do just that.

So your dancing characters ...a perfect rainbow cheer squad.

Back to reality...time to sleep, and dream a little.

Thank you SienaFire and EC et al...(!):smilewave:eusa_danc:roflmao: