So I just spent the better part of the day out with this friend of mine who I've been secretly crushing on. We didn't do anything unusual, just had lunch and spent most of the time playing games at a local cafe. Most of our other friends were not around today so it was just the two of us hanging out. From a compatibility perspective, there is definitely common interests and the beginnings of a good friendship. Two problems, I have no idea if he is straight or gay, and he's about much younger than me (he is about 25 and I'm 38.). I've tried to listen for signals that he is gay, but so far no such luck. I am so scared to even mention to him and my other friends that I am gay, out of fear that that might push them away. And they are my primary social outlet right now. In my opinion, we had a great day, and we got to know each other a lot more than we had. Although I could tell he is keeping something from me. When I asked him about this ring he wears, he said that it meant something to him, but that he was not going to tell me and I had to guess, and that I probably would not guess correctly. That could be a signal to me that he wants to keep it private, or that he wants me to guess and it is a game. (We are, after all, both gamers.) I am so confused. I feel like I'm back in high school again. I haven't done anything other than have a friendly day out at this point. What should I do, if anything? Would love to hear some advice.
Hey tealreality, What you describe is (unfortunately) very common. Guys crushing on guys that don't return their romantic feelings and trying to read things into their actions that aren't there and/or don't actually mean things the way we WANT to interpret them. Our emotions tend to influence the way that we see our crushes actions/words. As the older guy, you probably have a greater reason to (mis)interpret his actions/words in your favor, but from what you described, it just isn't clearly there, from my objective point of view. Sorry. The only way you will ever know for sure is to tell him directly about your feelings for him. If he doesn't return them, then, hopefully, he'll be secure enough in his heterosexuality to continue to be a close friend to you, as you would presumably hope.
