Although I haven't had any same-sex relationships yet (because I've only felt attraction to the same sex for 2-3 months), I think it all first started with feeling attracted to a woman who I barely knew. I had NEVER felt attracted to women before, and this person is someone who I know in a professional setting...and no she's not someone I can or want to be with because she's unavailable, and like I said, I barely know her. I know her enough to get a very basic (not deep) understanding of her personality which is lovely, and of course, the sexual attraction is off the charts (to my absolute surprise of never having felt anything for a woman much less this incredible thing). So even though I'm not in a relationship with her, she has (unknowingly) been a catalyst for me to discover this whole other side to myself. Can this even be? Ever since feeling this about her, I've suddenly been more observant about how I feel about other women, and I'm finding I do indeed have feelings of sexual attraction to other women. What does this mean? Can someone who you have not actually dated create this kind of self awakening? Or is it all in my head and some sort of fascination? When I started to feel same-sex attraction I honestly thought I was losing my mind because it happened kind of quickly, like someone turned on a light-switch...like I woke up one day and boom!...I think I could be a lesbian (bizarre feeling). I guess I don't even know if I can trust these feelings. Are my feelings legitimately an indication of sexual orientation even though I've never had a relationship with a woman?
Rana, I've replied to you on another thread but one quick thought, I didn't have a catalyst, I had a feeling, a wake-up that wasn't inspired by one person but by waking up one day and thinking, holy shit, I think I might be a lesbian. And with that realisation or awakening to use your word came the greatest sense of contentment, of being me, that I've known in my 42 years on this planet. Others can advise on their experiences but I'm trying to work out right now if that awakening is real, I can only do it by meeting other women and seeing how I feel. Deep down I've an absolute sense that this is me, this is who I am, and I've met women who confirm this for me but I'm not rushing into coming out until I've worked it out for myself, have explored that side of me.
Yes, this is quite possible. In fact, it happened to me. I was at work, and in walked a woman who literally obliterated any other thoughts but, "MY GOD" who is this woman, and why am I a complete fool around her? After she left I couldn't do a single thing, in fact I thought about her for weeks afterward.
Hi Confusedhappy, It's amazing...everything you just wrote are my feelings exactly! I mean I really could have written all that myself, it's so similar to how I feel right now. What can I say? This is a strange time. I too am dying to know if this awakening is real...time will tell I guess. I can honestly say I don't believe I ever had a sense of my own sexuality when I thought I was hetero. I mean everything was okay, but never have I had this sense of attraction to a man...I've been attracted to men, but this is on a whole different level...like attraction on steroids. I'm only pissed it didn't happen earlier in life. C'est la vie! Keep in touch, we need to support each other. thank you for the reply. ---------- Post added 17th Apr 2017 at 07:22 PM ---------- Hi Rachyl, Thank you for your story. It's good to know you had a similar experience. Was that your first experience of being attracted to a female (ie. a catalysty) or did you already know you could be attracted to women?
I had a situation like this at work, myself, and it literally WAS the reason i seriously started to question my sexuality at around 22 or 23 years old. There was a new kid at work, and she threw me for a loop because she looked very androgynous and her name was one of those boy or girl names. I got a crush on someone whose gender i couldn't figure out! Looking back, perhaps she was somewhere along the genderqueer spectrum but idk. She actually didn't work at my workplace very long, it was just long enough for me to become completely confused with my sexual orientation when i realized she's a girl. It was only after this experience that i allowed myself to start questioning my sexuality and it was at this point that i noticed, once i allowed the option...well, i started checking out girls quite often. Sorry if this is jumbled i'm typing this and eating dinner at the same time. But anyways, when i started questioning i started noticing things. I clearly remember as young as 11/12 checking out other girls. I would look at their bodies, their boobs in particular, and i would immediately feel ashamed and embarrassed and ridicule myself over it, because i thought i was being very rude and inappropriate because in my mind it was wrong to look at girls like that. Throughout my middle school life, i developed crushes on guys but they were all innocent crushes that never extended beyond them dressing and wearing their hair well. They were aesthetically pleasing and that was that. I never understood what other girls saw in a shirtless guy, or anything else like that, i just pretended to in order to fit in. I think people saw through it because i would occasionally get asked if i was gay. I would tell them, completely believing it, that i was straight but even then it never felt right rolling off the tongue. Especially in high school, i would have what i thought of as being inappropriate and rude thoughts about girls, usually classmates or girls that were in my circle of school friends. I would wonder what they looked like shirtless, bra-less, and further on. The handful of sexual dreams i ever had were all about girls, not boys. I was raised by a conservative, christian mother who isolated me in terms of who i was allowed to be around - i couldn't have friends over or play with friends on a school night, and unless she already knew the parents i was not allowed to go over to friends houses, but because my mom was emotionally abusive i did not like the idea of having friends over either. She kept me to her circle of christian friends as best she could. All of this affected how i viewed my sexuality - because of my environment, i mislabelled my natural, instinctual thoughts and feelings as being inappropriate and proceeded to behave more like i was asexual until i finally started to question my sexuality. IOW...yes its possible to think yourself into believing your straight, and yes its possible to know you are gay without being in a relationship. I think getting into a relationship just to see if you are gay isn't right, actually, because you can know just by thinking, reflecting, and doing the crude masturbation test what you are attracted to.
It happened to me as well. Couple years ago the lightbulb switched. I did not know her at all, the intensity of this feeling has put me in state of pure shock. I have not been involved with her but honestly, she is still the one on my mind.
Oh, I thought I might be, but never had such a shock, almost a rude awakening from seeing my first trigger crush. After coming into my work five different times in the next few months I was able to ask her out. When she said yes and kissed me, well let me tell you. I NOW understand that feeling when people say they feel fireworks going off inside you, because it happened to me. WOW, did it ever, I was completely addicted to her, and although it ended up not working out. She was the one that made me realize that I was a lesbian, cause no guy ever made me feel how she did. never ever. :icon_redf
My catalyst was a bunch of guys hitting on me when I was in a foreign bar drinking after a stressful day of dealmaking on a business trip. I was hanging out with a work mate of mine. We were at a German bar, in an Asian country. A local bad was playing American music. (This set up can not be any more cliche!) I had a few drinks, my friend started dancing on the stage, and As I looked around, I noticed the place had mostly guys in it. Minding my own business, a handful of guys approached me and wanted to dance with me. I started to feel energized. Then two of them started to hold me and began kissing me. Now it felt like I got hit by lightening. At the time, I reacted quite negatively and almost got into a fight with them, my friend had to come over and break up the fight. I thought about that night for six months. During this time I began to silently stalk EC reading stories about stories. Finally, one quiet morning, as I watched the Sun rise, and EC was on the screen in front of me, I decided it was time to embrace my sexuality. After that moment, my journey in earnest began. I promptly told my former spouse, followed by my business partners just a few weeks later and my other associates thereafter. When my daughters finished school that summer, I told them as well, followed by moving out from our home. I memorialized those early days of my journey with various tattoos reflect critical moments as they will always be with me.
yes, it does not need to be someone you are in a relationship or a hook up with. my catalyst was a couple I have no idea who they are that I saw at the mall of all places. I was walking up the hall behind her, thinking those thoughts because she's beautiful, and very sexy, then she met up with a guy (it was obvious that they were a couple) and I was thinking the same thoughts...... hang on I say to me..... so I went got a really big coffee and started going back in my mind, meditating, parsing life experiences and after about 45 minutes I had the "light bulb" moment, You're BI...... and I felt good about that. hope this helps.
Of course! There are catalysts everywhere who are blithely unaware of the effect they have on others. In chemistry, a "catalyst" is a chemical entity (could be an enzyme, or even simple platinum, etc.) that reduces the energy required to make a chemical reaction happen between two or more other chemical entities, while remaining unchanged itself. It is thus an apt metaphor for the use of that term when someone brings that "click" to your life, by bringing together elements that were already there but never quite gelled into what could be. Suddenly everything changes while the catalyst goes about their business completely unaffected by what just happened to you. There is a classic movie on just this subject: Death in Venice, starring Dirk Bogarde, about his obsession with a beautiful lad that he happens to see from afar during a vacation in Venice.
Hi greatwhale, I have a science background, so your metaphorical description of the catalyst is music to my ears, and explained with elegance (bravo!). It is indeed an apt metaphor for the use of that term when someone causes that "click" to one's life. I first felt bizarre that this "click" occurred so quickly (I referred to it as turning on a light switch). I felt that this quick "click" was my imagination, but now I see that it's very possible and common for same-sex feelings to be awakened in this manner. Thanks again for the beautiful explanation, and the film recommendation. I will definitely check it out. ♥
Yes! For sure I believe someone you barely know can be your catalyst! Similar story happened to me. At work. New girl walks in and I was absolutely blown away! (Your phrase 'attraction on steroids' is perfect!) Up until this point I had always been with men, had been married to a man. (Which now I totally get for me was just 'okay'--never really FIREWORKS...) Anyway, I could make sense of my new crush on this woman. Was it just something about THIS woman? I started reviewing my past, realizing that maybe my 'girl crushes' throughout the years had been a bit more than 'girl crushes.' But, I had the whole conservative parents thing, being attracted to women would not have been accepted-I think I just defaulted to the 'norm.' But I KNEW something just felt right and natural about my attraction to her...it felt like the true me, even if she didn't know about it. Anyway, short version-this woman and I became close friends, and to me it seemed there was some flirtatious behavior between us, but I figured it was all in my head and wishful thinking. And then one day we admitted our 'more than friendship' attraction to each other. (Her first-- I am way too shy/insecure to EVER have put that out there first, and figured my attraction was one way only!) We started a romantic relationship and like the other poster said the first night she kissed me-WOW! It was the fireworks others had talked about! (I was around age 47 at this time!) Our relationship lasted about a year and was by far the most 'right' and emotionally/romantically and sexually connected relationship I have ever had. The thing is, long before her I even knew her well-and long before we even became an 'us'--I KNEW that being attracted to her as a woman felt right for me, awakened something in me. It sort of was confusing and scary--I kept telling myself, 'but I'm straight right?' Well, turns out I'm not! So yes, I do think that someone you don't even know well CAN be your catalyst! When I was a teen, and twenties I had NO IDEA that in my 40's my life would take this turn! Or I'm not even sure it 'turned' I think I just sort of allowed myself to evolve into who I really am. And it all started with the 'from afar' crush on the new girl at work! All the best to you
I hear exactly what you're saying Rana, great to meet a fellow traveller. And you've had some great responses here, it's what I love and need about EC, the sharing of experiences so that I can understand what I'm going through better and the occasional kick in the ass if needed! Will keep in touch.
