1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Anyone else consumed with thought & unable to focus?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Rana, Apr 23, 2017.

  1. Rana

    Rana Guest

    This late in life LGBT stuff has been hell for my work productivity.
    Ever since feeling same sex attraction for the first time 2-3 months ago, I've had the toughest time concentrating on work. I feel like my work is truly suffering and productivity is zero. Anyone else having these issues?

    Why can't I just put all my thoughts, concerns, questions, and anxieties about this whole sexual orientation thing on hold and just focus when I need to?
    It has seriously started to mess up my work life.
    Any thoughts?
    :confused:
     
  2. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    Yes. At the time when this was happening for me, I joked that if I wasn't self employed, I would have been fired by now. Haha. Well, maybe not that bad but it was a bit of a worry because I needed to work to get paid.

    What I did was make deals with myself. No thinking about this or visiting EC until I've done these tasks or spent the whole morning on that project and then I can have one hour of contemplating my sexuality and then back to work. Sort of like a reward system. This worked for me.

    You don't want to lose your job. For a while, you're going to have to force yourself to just do it. And the need to think about this and nothing else does improve. It isn't always going to be so overwhelming.
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I found this too. It's really hard. It was lucky I was a SAHM.

    I can't offer any other ideas. Really's reward system sounds like a good plan.

    Now, I find I only think about it when I'm not working. It's where my thoughts drift to if I have free time. It does get better!
     
  4. OED27x

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2017
    Messages:
    317
    Likes Received:
    505
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hell yes. On top of that I have been dealing with my marriage, separation process, etc.
    My saving grace is I manage people and work in a project environment where I have to meet deadlines, have to produce, and have to show status increase. But, yeah, it is very consuming. I hope to work out a better system to be more focused at work!!
     
  5. ARB

    ARB
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2017
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    It's very overwhelming and quite a struggle. And it kinda seems like a rabbit hole. I've been forcing myself to keep busy and try to distract myself. Consciously choosing my thoughts and my mood. Hopefully it gets easier soon. My job is ok, but I'm trying not to let my family see my....I dunno....hot mess?
     
  6. JackieScut

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2017
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Oh yes. I have a day job and a little craft business. The day job is really busy and I don't have much choice but to get stuck in. But my little business has suffered. I just don't have the incentive anymore. It is a 2nd income that I really need but so far this year it's has been pants. I keep day dreaming, drifting off. Going into deep thoughts. Hours pass and I just sit in front of the computer. I end up putting Netflix on and then it's time for bed! I can't shake it. I'm hoping soon after a couple of LGBT meetups that I can start to get that part of my life back to normal. I just feel so disjointed! And I have been like this for nearly a year!
     
  7. Moonsparkle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2017
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    681
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I seem to be okay(ish) at work and at least somewhat on task. BUT it's the after work that I find myself just thinking and ruminating! I go to the gym A LOT-- largely as a way to distract myself from my thoughts!

    Do you write your thoughts down or keep a journal at all?

    I do. I have a long history of writing my thoughts down; started keeping a diary in 7th grade. It could help...it does help me, at least a bit. It's sort of comforting to take all the jumbled, random thoughts from my mind and get them on paper.

    I don't do anything formal, and I write the old-school way, using a pen and paper. I just keep notebooks filled with my (random) thoughts. Sometimes I go a week or two without writing anything, then write everyday for a while. No real pattern, though it seems the worse I am feeling mentally the more I write.

    I would recommend giving writing a shot. If you don't like actual writing you could type on your laptop/tablet and make yourself a journal file. Just getting all your thoughts, concerns, worries and anxieties on paper could help to move them from your mind to the paper. Once they're out of your head it may improve your focus and concentration in other areas. It might not help, but worth a shot! (Plus it's kind of cool to be able to look back at these entries.)

    That said, keep in mind this is all pretty new and fresh for you. Only months old; so give yourself a break with not being able to focus! I remember when this was all new and fresh for me a few years ago when I first started questioning. I was somewhat useless at work, I mean I was there and sort of skating by, but my mind was constantly on all the newness of this twist and turn in my life!

    I think every employee in the world at some time or another goes through a period of preoccupation with other thoughts (due to personal, family or health issues). None of us can be on our A game all the time. So allow yourself a little leeway here, be good to yourself! Your concentration at work will improve again! Take care.
     
  8. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    3,791
    Likes Received:
    869
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    i've been there, from the divorce, to the sexuality, to the gender and now the transition. but i kind of put things in boxes for a bit. kind of using that skill we all develop in the closet where we put that part of us aside so we can function. the difference is we know that we can take our sexuality or what ever out when we want and focus on that. i usually do this after i get some work done.
     
  9. Rana

    Rana Guest

    It's interesting that a few of you guys mentioned daydreaming or being lost in thoughts. I've experienced this a lot, and I think that's what takes my focus away. Thanks for the idea to journal, I'll try it. As for blocking feelings or compartmentalizing thoughts, I've never been particularly good at that but I'm trying to be. It's so strange that just about 2 months ago I wasn't feeling any of this (would love to go back just to get some peace). Peace is all I ask for these days...from my thoughts, worries, sadness, confusion, etc. I made an appointment with a good therapist for this week. I'm hoping it helps take the edge off of all this emotional stuff I'm going through. We'll see. Thank you for all your care & advice. ❤️❤️❤️