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My desire and physical arousal seem to be contradicting each other . . .

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Paige3002165, Apr 23, 2017.

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  1. Paige3002165

    Paige3002165
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    I’m confused . . . . so, I’m 21 and just started questioning my sexuality; and if I am not straight I have always avoided the fact at least in part because homosexuality was not considered acceptable in the environment I have always lived in. Now I’m trying to pay more attention to my desires and impulses, but my conscious desires and my physical reactions seem to be sending different messages.

    I’ve never experienced particularly strong sexual attraction, but I have been experiencing (or perhaps just allowing myself to notice) more since I began asking these questions. As far as I can tell, some sense of arousal seems to happen more frequently and automatically in response to guys. I do seem to experience some level of attraction to girls, too, although it seems to be more infrequent, and I’m so used to not noticing that it sometimes (but not always) requires my conscious attention before I physically respond.

    On the other hand, however, I really can’t picture myself with a guy romantically—before I started picturing myself with women, I’d become very used to the idea that I might just not be the marrying type—and my (admittedly limited) attempts at fantasizing about men makes me suspect that I am at least somewhat sex-repulsed when it comes to men. With women, on the other hand, I enjoy the idea of romance and sex. Even though I’m not confident that I can fall in love with a women and/or would enjoy sex with one, it definitely sounds more appealing than romance or sex with men.

    So . . . what do I do with that??? Is my body or my conscious desire a more reliable indicator? Or is this just one of those times when I just need to do more exploring, and there’s not really anything else to say in the meantime?
     
    #1 Paige3002165, Apr 23, 2017
  2. beenthrdonetht

    beenthrdonetht
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    Hi Paige,

    Your third paragraph pretty much clinches it, from my perspective. (For what that's worth: a guy who has known many straight and gay people.) The guy fantasy somehow doesn't fit... but the girl fantasy does. That says: go look for a girlfriend. (OK easier said than done.)

    Naturally the "conscious" part, let's say the part of your self that is thinking thoughts, is used to the expectation that you will date guys. So it would be natural to have some arousal there.

    This isn't exactly an "answer" and of course it would be nice to just say Oh you are an X or Y or Z. But it's more like Oh, you might want to try A or B or C. (Where those are girls:slight_smile: This is not to exclude the possibility you will find a guy who turns you on and makes the earth move. Sometimes the gayest person has an exception. But in the short term? Girl date! Girl date!
     
    #2 beenthrdonetht, Apr 24, 2017
  3. Worker Bee

    Worker Bee
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    Paige. I have to agree with beenthrdonetht.

    I think you need to open yourself to the idea of dating a woman. You may discover that could you be emotionally and physically attracted to women.

    I would try not to stress about it too much. If you're not ready to date a woman maybe watch some lesbian films or read some woman+woman romances to see how you feel about it.
     
    #3 Worker Bee, Apr 24, 2017
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