Recoming out

Ronintroy....So glad that you found emptyclosets. I know that there are a lot of folks here who will listen to you and do their best to help and support you. They certainly have for me. I'm a little different than you in that I never did have the gay experience when I was young....just too scared. So I stayed in the closet for 55 years until a crisis in 2014 that started me on the path that has led me to self-acceptance. I am still married to my wife of 38 years. I felt, as you do, that coming out would only cause hurt and disaster. After a lot of help from a therapist and much self-examination, I have come out to my wife. She has accepted me and we are now working our way through what it means to both of us. I do understand how you feel about telling your partner...it's tough when so much inside of you wants to just burst out and yet you feel that if you do it will just make things worse. There are many of us here that are going through or have gone through the same thing. Share your thoughts and emotions/feelings with us and let us help you handle the stress and the weight. Sharing a burden always divides it and makes it easier to bear. There are many here who will do their best to help so that you can catch your breath and have time to make good choices rather than choices made under such terrible pressure....Thinking of you daily....David

 

Ronintroy....Hey, I'm glad that any little thing that I or say or any of us here say helps! One really important thing...especially right now...don't hold things in until they do blowup!:bang:

If you've no one to talk with there where you live, then talk to us! We will listen and do our best to help. If you can find a therapist...that really did save my life...I'm quite serious....I had no one to talk to, EC helped a lot, but I desperately need to talk to another person, not just the computer. If you can't find one locally or it just doesn't work out to leave your partner to go see one, then check out the ones that are on line now. I have talked to an online therapist and it actually really did help. There are several websites that have online therapists for $35-$50 a week, usually unlimited text/chat. I could even setup phone calls with mine. If you are interested let me know and I think it's ok to share the website with you. I'll ask if it's ok. Anyway...the point is...don't let it build up! Share with us or someone before the pressure hits crisis level.....Take Care....David

 

Ronintroy....I sent a message to the EC staff to confirm that it's ok to send you the website info. As soon as I hear from them I'll get back to you. So sorry that you are being kind of "smothered" but it may be that she just feels better when you are around. I realize that doesn't make anything easier for you, but understanding it may make it simpler to work it out when the time comes to change your relationship. I am certainly no councilor, but it seems to me that you can not continue in the situation/relationship that you are currently in. Hopefully a councilor or a therapist will be able to help you find the way to accomplish that with a minimum of emotional damage to everybody involved. Sometimes, however, change will happen no matter what we do. So it is best to put yourself in the position of being able to at least "guide" the change to the best outcome-least hurtful solution.......David

 

Ronintroy...I'm sure you could find some websites that offer therapists online just by googling for them. What I wanted to do is send you the website of one that I know is legit and not impossibly expensive, because I've used it. I wouldn't send someone to a counseling site unless I knew for sure that it was ok!!!.... David

 

Ronintroy....I can believe every word about EC helping and about sharing will take some of the pressure off. EC is what got me through the first few months after I finally accepted myself. It was rough and without EC....well, like you at that point I had no one...NO.ONE. I could talk to. I was desperate and EC helped pull me through. Hang in there we will all help as much as we can...you do have friends here!!....David

---------- Post added 29th Apr 2017 at 07:33 PM ----------

Ronintroy......Oh yeah....good night! ...David

 

Ronintroy....Hey Hi, I'm back. 24/7 with anybody can start to be a problem. My wife and I have been married for 38 years, but I still need my alone time, even if it's just in my basement office and she leaves me alone. As I said before, it sounds to me like there is going to have to be a change. Your description of things makes it sound likes she doesn't want any changes. She may be sensing you pulling away...that can make people hold on even harder. If I don't hear from the EC moderator's in a negative way by tomorrow, I will send you the info about the counseling site that I know is good. Hope today goes well.....David

 

Ronintroy....Hey Ron! Hope you're having a good day. I haven't heard anything from the EC peeps so here is the info: Betterhelp.com. They have several different rate plans that you can choose from. You fill out an information form that's not too complicated and they "match" you with a therapist. At first I wasn't sure that my match would be good, as I wanted to talk to a guy and they matched me with a woman...but she (Mary Lee Palmer) turned out to be great! I really hope this helps. If you can use the computer, but can't really get away from your partner, then this might be the solution, at least for now. Good luck!....David

 

Ronintroy...Hey Ron....a very good, but tricky question! :bang: There is no doubt that some people are bi, but there is also another possibility that you might want to consider before you take any serious action. I try to remind myself that many things, once done, can never be undone! Here is the other possibility....Sexuality is not black & white, gay or straight, or even gay, straight or bi. It is what is often called a "Spectrum". The Kinsey scale is often used to point this out. You can take the Kinsey Sexuality Test online...it's pretty easy to find. You just answer a few questions as honestly as you can. The scale goes from 1-6. One is a totally heterosexual person, 6 is a totally homosexual person. When I take the test, I always come out a 5...homosexual with some heterosexual tendencies. That is why I was able to hide for so long and be married, be intimate with my wife and have children. Although I must admit that being intimate with my wife was very difficult and probably only possible because I did want children so very much. You see you may not be bisexual, you may just be somewhere on that "Spectrum" line without being all the way to one end or the other. This is not to say that you can't be bisexual, it certainly is possible. I just think it would be good to check out the Kinsey test/scale and talk to a therapist...if at all possible...before you go looking for a "hook-up" to test your self to see if you can still have relations with a guy....that's one of those things that once done can't be undone!!:dry: Think about it and try to talk to someone....as I said this is where a gay-affirming therapist would be a huge help. It's a big step, and one that you may decide to take, but doing it after investing some thought and especially planning will help you make much better choices....David :icon_bigg