My son has been at his grandparents for a few days because daycare was closed. My wife and I went out to dinner like we used to! The first night, Thursday, it was fun, just a casual dinner. We laughed and had a good time. Held hands and enjoyed each other's company. We had such a good time we decided to do dinner and a movie last night too. At our hibachi table, there was a family with two kids, older than ours, Celebrating one of the kids' birthdays. My wife leaned over and said "that will be us in a few years." I felt like all the life drained out of me. This could be the last time, at least for a long time, that we will be happy like that together. That might not be us cause I'm about to drop a bomb on our whole life. It went from being a fun night out to feeling like a funeral for our life together. I kinda knew this going in to it. I let her pick where we went. I don't like going movies and she loves it. I volunteered to go because I wanted her to really have a good time. I made sure to look her in the eyes and tell her I loved her. And I mean it when I tell her. I don't want to tell her I'm gay this soon. I have loose ends to tie up, and the timing is terrible (see some of my previous posts.) But the weight of this is crushing me. I haven't been sleeping, doing poorly at work. Coming out has been on the tip of my tongue for the last two days since we've had the house to ourselves. Last night I slept in the guest room, which isn't too uncommon as I snore sometimes. But I have barely slept. Had nightmares when I did. And now I'm laying in bed, bawling like a baby, and afraid she's going to wake up and find me a mess. I'm going to try to pull myself together and put my mask back on. I just need to get through today, and worry about tomorrow later. But I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.
The pressure was too much. When my wife asked today if I wanted to talk about what was wrong, I came out. And it went really well. It's gonna be a long road and it's not going to be easy, but we're both going to be ok. When the dust settles I'll tell my story. But for now, I'm going to sign off here because I found some support at home. Thank you everyone.
I so know what you mean about it being on the tip of your tongue. I am at same place with the woman I am living with. I just want to scream out " I want to be with a man again". But to do so would devaste her, and I don't want to do that. I do care her, we have been together for 2 and half years. But the last few months, the urge, want, need to be with a man again has grown to a overwhelming point. If you need someone to talk to I will listen.
ARB, I remember like yesterday the day I came out to my family over twenty years ago. Few days have marked pivotal changes in my life in such a clear and significant way. The journey since then hasn't always been easy but I wouldn't even think of going back in the closet. As you look back and reflect on this you will likely see a new life begun while an old one is let go, and this will be challenging. I'm sure you're going through a mix of emotions and trying to process, as is your wife. I'm really glad it has gone well so far. Please rely on us as your friends and a family of choice at this pivotal time. *warm hugs and congratulations* Patrick
ARB, good work on having possibly the hardest convo of your life. I hope things get easier for you I'm following you're story as I'm in a similar situation but I'm yet to build up the courage to come out to my spouse.
I had the same experience that you did. The pressure just became too great and I came out to my wife of 20 years. That was almost a year ago. Believe me, it will get better. It will get easier over time. Congratulations on taking this most important step in your journey. Take care. ride:
Coming out to your spouse is one of the hardest things to do. You don't know what to expect. Mine went well, and I'm glad yours did too. All the best to you!!
