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Next step part 2

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by JackieScut, Apr 29, 2017.

  1. JackieScut

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    Well, what can I say. I feel I have take a massive step forward and also fucked up a bit again. First the step. Finished worked. Packed a bag. Picked my straight mate up at 7.30pm and we were off. Drive to Brighton was quick. 40 minutes. Half an hour later we were walking along the sea front to the bar.

    This is some fantastic place. I was nervous when I first walked in. Not very busy but very lively. I could see the meetup group I was joining. We bought a drink and went over. Like the other group I went to there were lots of conversations going on between smaller groups. I knew from the last meeting that there would be lots of newbies in this group so I wasn't as apprehensive as before.

    The host I had been communicating with on the meetup site was ill. Another lady had stood in for her and she came over and greeted us. There was no big introduction 'phew' they all smiled at us as we sat down.

    I sound like I am giving a blow by blow account here, but I know when I read others posts I want to know everything… so this is going to be a long one xx

    The age range was 35 + There was a woman I was talking to that was younger. She asked to join as she felt comfortable being in an older group. She had a partner, the partner had work at 5am the next day so she had gone home. I sat next to a lady that was similar build to me. Similar hair, hair colour and dress style. I read another post on here under anonymous that was talking about the different lesbians styles. I have been looking at this. Something else that has got me fascinated.
    I think I would describe myself as a soft butch.

    The evening went well. Lots of conversations, lot of laughs. Loads of drink. TOO MUCH DRINK. Then the drag artist came around and was chatting to us. My straight mate laughed as I had to admit that I found this person incredibly fascinating and couldn't take my eyes of him.

    I was speaking to one of the ladies and she said she would be doing a show at 10pm. I couldn't wait. She then corrected herself and said, sorry, she will be doing a show. I asked if it would offend him/her by using the wrong term. She said nah. He's lovely. He wouldn't mind either.

    2 more ladies joined the group. They seemed to be a couple, they sat and joined in the conversation with ease. I think they had been before.

    A lot of people left to go to another pub, We had just got drinks so finished them and followed after. The lady that I said was similar to me told me where the pub was. I will call her J. We were on our way, we had just walked past the door of another little bar and was grabbed and dragged in. J had hold of my arm and said… in here. We are having one in here first. There was a drag artist in there too. It was heaving. Great atmosphere and again. Everyone was just so chilled and happy and all mixing together. Then we were off again. Another dance and 2 more drinks. One of the ladies from the '2 more ladies' that joined us at the meeting was talking to a different woman. I will call her P. P was very petite. She seemed very keen on the taller woman who I will call T. In fact she was all over her. T kept trying to dance but P kept cuddling and standing close to her.

    That bar shut! I wasn't ready to go. I should have just gone to bed as it was 2am. We went back to the first bar where the meetup was. P and T came too. We sat down and I said how quiet it was. T said to me… have you not been downstairs??? Well, she took my hand and led me down 2 flights of stairs.
    MORE COMING

    ---------- Post added 29th Apr 2017 at 05:15 PM ----------

    I do like a dance. I am funny with music, I like my old faves but at the moment there is a lot of songs about that I have to have a jig too. Well I think this club had my playlist. There was a dance area and it had a barrier around the edge so that you could stand and chat. I chatted to T. She was lovely. I was very attracted.

    We chatted rubbish and I asked her how long she had been with her girlfriend. She said 'she's not my girlfriend' She had known her for a long time but they were not together.

    Now , it's been a long time since I had anything to do with anything like this. I really liked this woman. She was younger than me, incredibly good looking. Slim, but athletic. I wanted to ask her to dance, but it was obvious that P had feelings for her. I was just thinking what do you do next in this situation. Do you say something to let her know that you are interested. I was a bit older than her. I'm average looking. Still heavy set, I have lost weight (thank god) but have a bit more to go. Would she be attracted to me? I couldn't understand why if she was!

    All these thoughts running through my head and she says 'we will have to swap numbers'!!!!!!!!!!! OMG still I stayed calm. Heart was pounding. Still trying to work out the gaydar thing. Did she want to swap numbers to meetup or just to arrange to meetup when I was in Brighton next OMFG. Head spinning.

    P was back. I had forgot about her and my straight mate. P was all over T again and T kept walking off dancing. P followed. I was watching them. I just wanted to go and interrupt and dance with T. I was by this time soooooo drunk. I regretted the last 3 pints as now I was lagging. Then there was a woman dancing in front of me. She took my hands and obviously wanted me to spin her, which I did. What is this place? It's like all my fantasy dreams rolled into one. We had a bit of a dance.

    I was now feeling that I had to lay down. P was all over T. We hadn't done anything with numbers. I just had to go as I really thought I was going to throw up. We left
     
    #1 JackieScut, Apr 29, 2017
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  2. JackieScut

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    Then comes the fucked up bit. Me and straight mate staggered back to the hotel. Got to the door and couldn't find the key! We hunted through her bag loads of times. Both slaughtered, it wasn't there. Another guest let us in the main front door, we went to our room. We looked again. Still no key. 4am, no one on the door. So I laid down on the floor, put my coat under my head and passed out!

    While I was sleeping, my mate looked for the key again. Tried to find someone to let us in. Tried to wake me up. She couldn't sleep on the floor, she went home. I awoke at 7am, couldn't find her. Had texts to say she had found a train station and had gone home. What did I do? I put my hand in my pocket and there was the key. By now you probably pissing yourselves laughing. How can drink make things disappear? I know my mate is not impressed. I am gutted as I don't think she will come again now. Plus the journey home must have been awful!

    And this morning I saw that my catalyst is back on my facebook??? She had disappeared. I thought she had unfriended me as when I have done that you would be gone for good? What a weekend.

    I feel I have broken the ice now with the meetups. I am lucky that both I have been too have been good and will go again. I am not drinking anymore. I hadn't for years and I can't cope like I used to. I think I really need to focus now on moving forward.

    Oh and lastly. My mate that knows something is up, the one I let slip to the other night when I was drunk, that I had something going on. Now knows. She messaged me to ask if I was having a good time. I said yes. I will tell you what you want to know if you really want to know. She said YES. She came back with. "seriously... is that for real or the beer" I said "very serious" she came back with OK. She said later that it was a very big surprise but it don't make any difference.

    So. I best get up. 5.30pm and I laid in bed since I came home. Feeling a bit like a teenager at the moment and loving it. xxxxxx
     
    #2 JackieScut, Apr 29, 2017
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  3. Worker Bee

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    Sounds like you had an amazing time (key incident aside). Hopefully when you go again T will be there without her clingy sidekick.

    Sounds like T may have felt the same.

    Please avoid your catalyst at all costs (and perhaps alcohol)
     
  4. Really

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    Wow! Great report. When does this saga continue? :wink:
     
  5. Peterpangirl

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    So glad for you that you have met another woman that you are attracted to other than your catalyst :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Peterpangirl, Apr 29, 2017
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  6. JackieScut

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    Really: End of May is the next meetup for this venue, and I am not drinking, but am going. Nerdbynature I will be avoiding and have decided if she messages me i am not going to reply. I can't go back now. And Peterpangirl, I had decided not to go to this place with the thought of meeting anyone. But I am relieved to have been attracted to someone, obviously nothing like my catalyst. But I think I needed to be sure that wasn't a one time thing. Not sure how to word what I feel, but I sort of thought was this event in my life a once only thing. Just her. It's never going to happen with her, but if ever she said she wanted something to happen I would not be able to say no.
    And after sobering up I thought to myself, what if we had swapped numbers. That speeds up things a lot. She is properly out. I at the time had only told 2 people.

    I told the other friend tonight. Totally cool, and said anytime I need to talk she's there. She said she has another friend, who at 30, married with kids fell in love with a woman she worked with. Left her husband and now is married to her.
     
  7. silverhalo

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    That's so cool that your friend was so laid back and accepting.
    Sounds like overall it was a very successful adventure minus the small incident with the key which I am sure your friend will forgive you for even if she is a little cross right now.
    I think we all need that kind of confirmation that things were not a one off or fabricated in our heads so I'm glad you got that.
     
  8. Moonsparkle

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    You go girl! As you have probably recognized, this night was filled with positive turning points for you. :eusa_danc It made me smile!

    -For the first time since your catalyst you found yourself attracted to someone else! Proving that it's possible for all of us to be attracted to someone other than THE GIRL! Something piqued your interest about this new woman, and whether anything happens or not, that in itself is awesome!

    -You briefly mention that your catalyst was back on facebook after allegedly unfriending you. But it seems this new change in Facebook status really didn't affect you too much! After being out with new people and finding yourself attracted to someone else it just seems less important :slight_smile:

    -You came out to another friend! And she's cool with it!

    You are an inspiration to me and many of us here I would imagine.
    Though I am at the point of being more social in general, and getting out there, I have yet to find the courage to attend a meet-up. The good thing though is that more and more I am finding myself attracted to/intrigued by women other than my ex/catalyst. Women who are most likely straight(but then again who knows!). This is just attraction from afar at this point, but at least it is a small step in moving forward. Just knowing I CAN be attracted to someone else...I never would have thought even THIS was possible a few months ago!

    Thanks for sharing!:slight_smile:
     
  9. JackieScut

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    Silverhalo she has forgiven me and has told me to stop apologising. She said we will laugh about this in time to come. Thank you for your lovely posts people. I do feel really good today. I can hardly feel the knot in my stomach now.

    My mate said that my catalyst could have made her account inactive she could re-instate whenever she wanted to. Until all this happened and I came on EC I was a facebook junkie. I didn't know that was something you could do. Now i'm an EC junkie lol.

    Moonsparkle. Shame you don't live here. We could get an EC group together and go to this bar. It really is a turning point to confirm to ourselves that this is us, and not just a catalyst moment. It really was the most perfect place. Everyone was just so at home in their own bodies. It's a bit of a drive but I will be going back. And it is now 3 friends. I told the other suspecting friend last night. She also knew something was wrong. I did it in messenger bit by bit. She was lovely. she said "that is fine and it is also good. But can you now stop drinking so much??? So. It's my hang-up not telling. Not people finding out! And when that woman said we should swap phone numbers... well. If someone had bumped into me I would have been on the floor. Although she was quite younger than me. And age is something I do think about a lot. It didn't matter then as I had drink on board, and was attracted to her quite strongly.

    I really don't see myself as an inspiration. I just have this overpowering urge to find out more. I have never been one for going and doing anything on my own, but I don't really have a choice now as this is such a private thing that we don't have a choice do we. The meetups I like are so far away and involves hour long journeys. I still have not plucked up the courage to go to a nearer one! Maybe that will be the next step?

    And I thought I had a type. Older women with dark long hair and brown eyes?? Well, that went right out of the window. lol

    I did look at 'her' picture on FB today. It's the same picture that burns into that place you wish you couldn't feel. But it honestly wasn't as bad. - Probably lots of errors in this. Off out and kids moaning for me to hurry up. Have a good day, evening... whatever part of the world you lovely ladies are in x
     
  10. silverhalo

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    Brighton is an awesome place. (!)
     
  11. JackieScut

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    It certainly is. The feel of the place is lovely. I will be going again :slight_smile:
     
  12. silverhalo

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    I dont live in Brighton but I do live close by on the South Coast. You should definitely go to Brighton Pride if you are free that weekend it is really cool.
     
  13. JackieScut

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    I will look that up x thank you :slight_smile: