For those of you who were married with kids when you came out, did you maintain sole or shared custody, or did you just have visitation rights? Do you feel your sexuality went against you in the court proceedings? Did your spouse pursue visitation just to get back at you or were you able to do it amicably? How did your older children (old enough to 'get it') take the news? I'm especially interested to hear from anyone who raised their children to believe homosexuality is wrong. I'm getting pretty close to when I'm going to have to at least discuss this with my husband, so I was curious to hear from people who had experience with this.
My suggestion would be to consult with a divorce lawyer before coming out, since the answers to your questions depend on which state you are in. Given that Oregon has a reputation of being fairly liberal, I wouldn't expect this to be an issue. Again your best bet is to consult with a divorce attorney. Here are some other things to consider before coming out - Preparing to come out to your spouse as gay
I can't afford a divorce lawyer. Can you think of another way that I might get a general idea of what could happen, custody wise? The only reason I'm even somewhat concerned is because I have a history of severe mental illness. That's already not going to weigh in my favor. On the other hand, I'm not asking for full custody right now; just fairly liberal visitation rights. I'd love to ask for shared custody but I can't afford it. Right now my husband and I have not had a problem with any of it, but I'm worried that will change if I tell him. I was planning on waiting until our divorce was finalized but how much I'm changing is becoming obvious to my family even though I'm not with them most of the time.
I found this online doing a simple search. Read this at your own discretion and do not take it all as fact. I do not trust every online resource I see myself, but can find a multiple of sources taken together to be helpful. You may want to try and find a pro bono lawyer to work with given your circumstances. If your working with a medical professional, they may be able to help guide you to one. In the meantime: Welcome to OregonLawHelp.org | A guide to free and low-cost legal aid, assistance and services in Oregon
The court will assign a lawyer to you free of charge if you can't afford one. You may have to show proof of income, I forget. (My divorce was seven years ago.) Good luck!!!!
