Hi All I am in a 15 year relationship where we no longer have sex - we are both mid 50s. We don't have sex outside the relationship either. We are still intimate, just no actual sex. We are considering getting married this year - primarily for practical rather than romantic reasons. I have slight reservations. Is our lack of sex in an otherwise good relationship a sign that the relationship is faulty. What will happen if we marry and then one of us finds someone we do want to have sex with on a regular basis (one offs I am prepared to overlook as long as they are infrequent - we all make mistakes!) Thoughts please
Hey relationships are a very diverse and personal thing. I dont think that no sex necessarily means the relationship is broken or faulty if both parties are completely happy with that arrangement. I think before you take the step of getting married the most important thing is to have a really good conversation with your partner and talk honestly about whether you are both happy.
First question, do you have interest in having sex? Do you think about sex? Do you miss it? Do you think about having sex with other guys? Over time, even after a few years in a relationship, physical intimacy can mature. So long as both parties are interested in doing so it is up to the couple to try and keep it fresh and exciting. My husband and I continue to evolve our sex lives together. We are open minded and look to keep things fresh. We both still enjoy sex with one another, but also are conscious that we do not want it to become repetitive or monotonous. We push each others boundaries quite a bit. Sometimes we push too hard and there is blowback, sometime we both progress and find ways to keep it going. We are friends with another couple where they do not have sex anymore. When asked, they actually simply are happy not having sex anymore. They are romantic with one another, they are very close to each other, but both seem genuinely happy to simply snuggle in bed at night when sleeping together. If one of you is still interested in sex and the other is not, it is also a fair question to talk clearly with each other about possibly opening the relationship up. You might feel this is a taboo subject, then again you might think the idea is ok, but it is a discussion worth having and exploring. For me, I would never want sex to be a reason for a relationship not to work. It is one important part of a relationship, but with an open mind there are ways to ensure both you and your partner are getting what you each want out of it.
Coming from a guy with 0 relationship experience so I could be totally wrong, but it seems like you two should have an honest talk about sex in your relationship before getting married. Do either of you want to have sex together? What if the desire for sex changes later on, would the other be open to it either together or with other people? Sounds like the importance of sex varies from person to person and changes over time. Honest, open conversation seems to be very important in a healthy relationship. If you don't have that already, you must be doing something right being together for 15 years, and I hope they've been happy and fulfilling years, overall. Let us know how it goes and best wishes!
