One week since I came out to my wife

Last Saturday morning my wife asked if I wanted to talk about why I've been upset and not myself lately. That simple question broke that dam and we sat down together and I told her that I've known since i was a boy that I was gay.

I've never had such a physical response to stress before. During our conversation I felt dizzy, fingers and toes and lips went numb and tingly. Had a hard time breathing. She was shocked. She had no idea.

My wife is incredibly supportive. Of course she is hurt, and scared for the future, and has all the normal worries that a person facing a dissolving marriage would have. But she accepts me and she loves me and I love her. We are going to stay together a while and figure things out together.

We've had lots of long emotional talks since last Saturday. She woke me up at 2am when she needed to talk, and I text her at work when I need to. We've been very honest with each other and been communicating very well. I think that's going to be the key for us. As long as we're still talking, we're going to be ok.

I made up my mind that I wasn't going to offer any information about the man that I had a relationship with unless she asked. But I knew it was inevitable so Monday I drove to the clinic in the city and was tested. I knew my status, but wanted to be able to give her piece of mind since trust is a tough thing for us right now. Wednesday night she asked if I had ever been with a man, and I said I had been. And she asked if it was while we were married, and I told her yes. She figured out who it was, she knew him after all. That night she was remarkably calm about it. The next day it sank in and she was angry and sad, very hurt. I thought all of the positive outlook for the future was about to be gone. What I did was terrible and selfish. This is what I'm most ashamed of. She has every right to feel all those things and more. But again, we talked through it and we both see light at the end of the tunnel.

Today we saw a marriage counselor for the first time. We had a good meeting, some tears, nothing terribly ground breaking, but we left her office laughing and glad we weren't as miserable as the couple sitting in the lobby seemed to be. We went out to lunch, held hands at the mall, and confirmed again that we really do love each other.

I had my first therapy appointment the week before I came out. My new therapist encouraged me not to continue with my plan of changing careers, moving back to be closer to my wife's family, and all the other milestones I had set for myself in my "two year plan" to prepare for coming out to her. That was good advice. I couldn't have functioned under that secret for two more years. Now my wife and I are going to execute this two year plan together. I was going to keep my secret because of the pregnancy, but we are both glad I didn't. By the time the new baby comes, we will be well on our way to healing and making decisions about the future, and can focus on the baby.

My wife is really the coolest person on the planet. My best friend. I'm sorry that I can't love her the way a husband should. She understands that now, but that doesn't make it easy. I couldn't have imagined a better way for this week to have gone, and it's all because of the wonderful person she is. We have lots of things to overcome in our future, but we're going to tackle them together. Our marriage is going to end in the next few years, but our friendship never will. I think our two kids will be better for having two loving, honest, and happy parents.

Obviously is won't be easy for her. This week has been a big shock, and she is pretty overwhelmed. But I think she would tell you, at this precise moment anyway, that things are pretty good and we're going to be ok. We talk way more than we did a week ago. We cuddle more and hold hands more. We make gay jokes, and it feels good to say it out loud and make light of it. She sent me a link to a podcast called "Nancy," which I would recommend. I can't believe I'm so lucky!

By the way, after the second meeting with my new therapist, I've come to the conclusion that she SUCKS. Our marriage counselor is referring me to someone new.

If you've seen my posts previously, you know that I was in a pretty dark place. But since I came out, things look a million times better. I'm happy to talk about my story, even as it is still being written every day.