Advice needed!!!!

You both need to come out and either end or open your respective relationships before starting a new relationship with each other.

 

Hey, I can understand how frustrating your situation is. Have you ever sat down with her and openly discussed it?

 

Aww im sorry.

I think perhaps first and foremost you should look at your situation. You haven't spoken much about your partner apart from to say you are in a relationship. I can only assume you are not crazy head over heels in love with him if you are sleeping with your friend on the side (I am assuming this is simultaneously) so I think my advice would be to decide whether or not you want to continue that relationship. If the answer is yes then thats cool but you should probably stop sleeping with your friend. If the answer is no then I think the first step should be to end your current relationship. I know this isnt easy and its scary but if you are not 100% in your current one then its the best for both of you to step away from it.
I would like to say seeing you take that bold step in your life might encourage your friend to do the same, but nobody can say whether it will or wont. I kind of feel that at the moment she has what she wants, the heterosexual normality and you on the side so from her point of view why change what isnt broken.
Long term I think you are going to only cause yourself heartbreak.

 

I agree with what silverhalo has posted. Your friend is stuck in the questioning phase, and you are setting yourself up for frustration wishing that you can change how your friend feels and behaves. She will come out when she's ready, and trying to apply pressure to accelerate this will risk the friendship.

You can control your own behavior. If you want to date women, then you certainly can make that happen, though dating your friend is likely a longer-term play.

 

Hi, don't know if this helps but I realised I was gay when I fell in love with my friend, we were both in straight relationships with kids. I ended my relationship and I'm working hard to build an authentic life for myself, she is still in her relationship and completely miserable. I've started to move on from her and see other women now as it became excruciating just hanging on and waiting. Maybe something will happen in future but for now she has to sort herself out herself - I've realised this. My road of leaving my partner and building a new life is so hard but I'd rather be taking it than be stuck in something my heart isn't in. But that's my story, and we're all different I hope you figure out what's best for you/your friend/your partners.

 

I think it's easy to become comfortable especially in such a free and laid back relationship to yours and sometimes stepping out of the comfort zone isn't easy or something we take lightly.
Have you even been with or fallen for another woman other than your friend?

 

I honestly wish I had the answer for you or a magic wand to wave over your friend haha as I am sure you do.
You have a complete connection with your friend and there is no substitute for that but unfortunately you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.
There is a small part of me that wonders what would happen if you said to your friend that you respect her decision that she sees herself as straight and that you would never want to stop your friendship but that being with a woman, as in relationship and all is something you want to investigate further. Absence makes the heart grow stronger so they say haha. Im not saying you should, or that it would work, just sharing the ramblings of my mind really.

 

Haha absolutely, chocolate and ice cream always always.

I also think you deserve to be happy, and if she doesnt want to take a risk on you I am sure there are many others who would love to. Although I obviously understand that right now she is the one you want

 

Maybe, but then you kind of half have her. I know not entirely.

You have her friendship and you have slept together but you still desire to be in a relationship with her. What is it you feel you would gain if you both committed solely to one another?

 

Yeah I get it, and I think you deserve it.

I think it all boils down to a difficult decision. I think the only thing you can do is control the things you have control of and that is yourself.

I mean the first question is are you happy for things to continue the way they are? If the answer is be with her like this or not be with her at all which would you chose?
I know you arent completely happy but I also get the feeling that over time you will get increasingly frustrated and hurt by the situation. Its like the longer the intimacy goes on the more and more you become attached to her and the deeper your feelings grow which then just makes the decision harder and harder.

 

Anytime, I am just sorry I cant actually be any help.

Maybe or maybe she is just better at hiding it, or keeping it inside. I guess thats the problem we dont really know what is going on inside her head. If we did it would make all of these decisions so much easier.
Have you thought anymore about going to an LGBT group?