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Sex with the opposite-sex is the least scary option?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by LostInDaydreams, May 6, 2017.

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  1. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    If was given the option between sex with a man or sex with a woman (made up, imaginary people), then I would probably go for the man.

    I'm not saying I would enjoy it, but...

    - It doesn't scare me. I've done it before.
    - I wouldn't get attached or lost in passion :icon_bigg, so I wouldn't be risking anything emotionally.
    - I sort of assume that he'd be straight, which would be OK. But in contrast, if she were straight, then it would be very awkward.
    - I think I'd be more self-conscious of my body if were with a woman, whereas with a man it wouldn't bother me.

    If she wanted me, that would be terrifying, but I'm already imaging the reality in my head..

    Can anyone relate to this?
     
    #1 LostInDaydreams, May 6, 2017
  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I'm thinking about this too much. I spend far too much of my time thinking about this.

    If I were gay, I think that I would probably have left my opposite-sex partner by now, or at least be very, very keen to do so. I just keep putting it off and making excuses.

    I'm not miserable either. Fair enough, I don't really enjoy the sex, but I don't really give it chance either. I don't even try to enjoy it, because if I did end up enjoying it then that would be even more confusing.

    And it's not always been this way. Admittedly it's never been fantastic, but there could be loads of reasons for that, and I have found it fun in the past.

    The thing is, I think I've been looking to hard for 'evidence' of being gay because there's part of me that wants to be gay. I can't really explain that. I suppose I really want it to be conclusive. But I'm not getting there. If I were gay, then I think it would apparent by now.

    I see out, gay women as confident, independent and not worried about what others think. I don't feel I'm really any of those things. I think I'm just imagining myself as a different person, with a different life. I'm not sure sexuality really has anything to do with it.

    I have sexual fantasies about women, but that's just one part of me. The rest of me is straight, my life is straight. I've always been straight. I really, really can't see myself as gay. I've used it as an escape from my current relationship; imagining a happy relationship. In reality, I'm not gay. I just don't see it.
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, May 6, 2017
  3. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Hi lostindaydreams,

    I've been following your posts since you first posted here and I've always been struck by how very similar your feelings and questions were to mine from the beginning until now, including what you're saying in this post.

    It took me a long time to get to the point where I was ready to separate from my husband and admit I'm gay, but when I did it felt absolutely right. I hope that what you're saying now is what feels right and gives you a sense of clarity. But we will always be here to listen and give you encouragement if you find yourself coming back to these same questions.

    Big hugs and lots of love.
     
    #3 baristajedi, May 6, 2017
    Last edited: May 6, 2017
  4. angeluscrzy

    angeluscrzy
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    I think there's a couple things that could really warrant some consideration.
    I know that I used to never be able to imagine myself as gay. I felt it contradicted too much with how my life was supposed to play put. I knew I wanted kids, and stuff like that. And it isn't odd that sex with someone of the opposite sex could still "not completely suck. Sex can feel good regardless, but its much more than that. I could have sex with my ex, but in so many areas of the relationship I was not emotionally invested really.
    I didn't really stop to see before just how much I ignored my own needs just to play this role I felt I was required to play.
    Another thing is maybe if you worry about how another woman would perceive your body, that could be somewhat of a sign.maybe you don't care what a guy thinks because you're just not really as into them period? Sex can be scary, any intimacy can. To be vulnerable, opening up to someone about your most basic wants, needs and desires IS terrifying. But projecting an image of what I feel I'm supposed to want, and ignoring what i feel deep inside, that seems far worse.
    I don't know if that seems as coherent as it did in my head, but its a thought.

    Wow I'm not even gonna try to fix all the typos. Sadly English IS my first language........I just apparently suck at it.
     
    #4 angeluscrzy, May 6, 2017
    Last edited: May 6, 2017
  5. silverhalo

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    I am just going to say this....

    with the greatest risk comes the greatest reward :slight_smile:
     
    #5 silverhalo, May 6, 2017
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