From my journal entry, May 8 2017 a) It only happens about ~.25% of the time per week, a feeling I’m back at 14, happy, OK with myself, cool, neat. The euphoric feeling of great peace and I am my real me – a gay teen and that’s ok to be. But now this feeling happened this morning when I stepped out of the shower and looked at my naked me in the mirror. This is a first for this feeling has only come when I sit on the floor and tie my shoes. A feeling of this is me and that is ok. No shame for being gay. No feeling for feeling wrong. No feeling I’m a freak. No feeling I’ve got to be a certain way or I’ll get my head bashed in – again. No feeling bad for not wanting a girlfriend. I just wished this feeling would come more often and stay longer.
It sounds like it will be the first of many more times to come! Your doing some hard work and soul searching working through the shame - keep it up! The more you do, the more you will be able to embrace your true self.
It is a slow process but it will come for you. Like you I am just now coming to terms with it being ok to have a boyfriend and have zeroed out my interest in women. It is an adjustment in thinking but once you have achieved it, it makes what comes next easier. Here's hoping your journey continues towards your utilimate happiness and acceptance of who you really are. Enjoy.