It has been an eventful and uneventful couple of days. Friday was a particularly eventful day. I volunteered in my son's classroom. His teacher and I were eating lunch and we were talking about the kids in his class and I mentioned to her that things at home are tense between my husband and myself. After hinting around for awhile, I finally dropped the bombshell that I have been seriously questioning my sexuality. I've been wanting to talk to her about it because she used to be married to a man, has two kids and is now currently with a woman. My therapist had suggested talking to her, as well as some on this forum. I was hesitant and wasn't sure how I would bring it up. I also wasn't sure how I would feel talking to her. Part of me thought that I would feel like I once I told her that I'd realize that all of the feelings that I have been having towards the same sex weren't real. Talking to her was really nice. She was supportive and I even confessed that I have a crush on the school's principal. I felt much better talking to her. Then came Friday night and date night with my husband. I wasn't really sure how that was going to go. It was okay, but pretty awkward. He tried to hold my hand a few times and I always found a way to keep that from happening. He then spent the whole weekend with a rain cloud over his head. I would go into a room and he would just be sitting there staring at nothing. Poor guy, he deserves so much better than this. So that is where my life is at right now. I don't really know if people read my posts, but that is okay. I write them because it's cathartic for me. I have my appointment with my therapist soon and this time I'm going to go check out the local LGBTQ(?) center on her suggestion. I'm a bit nervous about it, but I'm looking forward to it as well. Hope everyone had a good weekend!
This sounds like an impossible situation. I went through a date like that with my wife very recently. It was the final straw that made me come out. For better or worse, the truth is out there now. The difference is that now instead of both of us hurting, we are both trying to heal. The feelings are still horrible, but we're trying to move forward instead of being separately miserable. I can't speak to your situation, but for me: I'm glad we had the talk. It didn't make things better, but I'm glad I did it.
It's hard, isn't it, when you're keeping it all inside? I'm glad you got to talk to someone. I don't know what I'd be doing without my one friend to bounce this off of. Let us know how checking out the LGBTQ center goes! If writing the posts is carthetic for you, this website has a private blog option. You can choose who can see it. I'm using that in addition to my journal. Check your profile page if you're interested.
its wonderful to tell someone isn't it? maybe you can find a group to meet with like Pflag? having that community and network has been a God send for me. regarding your date with your husband, I guess now you know. it's hard but liberating in a way I think.
You did it! You were able to talk to the teacher, I'm so pleased for you! It must have felt reslly good to open up to someone in real life, it's so freeing. Was she able to give you any advice? You have someone you can talk to now and that's fantastic. Date night with your husband sounded tough. I suppose it must be hard for him to understand, but just remember, you can't help how you feel. It's hard to not feel guilty but you aren't doing anything to purposely upset him or anything.
