My story.....thoughts?

Relatively new here but here is what's gone on so far.
I've been married to a man for 24 years. Four kids, one grandchild later and here I am. The marriage hasn't been easy street, lots of verbal, psychological, financial and occasionally physical abuse. Over the course of the last 5 years the dynamics has changed. I went back to school for my BS, and slowly began to take the reins of my life back. I no longer tolerate anything that remotely sounds abusive or manipulative. I'm no longer afraid. That's one part.
The other part is this: for many years I felt asexual. I have endometriosis. Sex was always uncomfortable and often painful. Was content to go on without it for the rest of my life. I very much resented his "needs" because of it. Fast forward to last fall. I finally got my total hysterectomy. Soon after healing from that my libido wakes up, and basically blows my mind. See, I'm no longer attracted to my husband (truthfully, haven't been for a very, very long time). But I am very attracted to a certain female colleague. It started with a super vivid dream and I started questioning.
Sorry for the book.....I'm getting to the point.
One day, after too much Hennessy, I confessed my dream and some of the resulting feelings, to my husband. He responded by laughing and saying things like "I've seen you checking girls out" and "ours daughters thought you may be gay," etc. That was a few months ago. Now he asks veiled vague questions like "how's work going?" (Doesn't sound bad reading it but if you could see his FACE when he does this, kinda a cross between curiosity and lewd.)
Anyway, so he at least knows, however, it seems he is trying super hard to get me to fall for him again. Even going as far as reading up on lesbian sex so he can "try" stuff. I'm about to lose my mind! It's NOT working and irritating the crap out of me. And that's not all. The other night we were sitting outside and a couple of our neighbors (woman and man) we're walking their dogs and he grabs my arm. I'm like WTF? He says "I didn't want you to go jump her." What? I'm a lesbian now so I'm going to start sexually assaulting random women? He says "I'm just joking." I am not amused.
I'll just leave it there now. There is tons more but I've already made this too long. Help.....

 

Would love to. Went as far as looking for an apartment. What stops me is a little 2 year old girl, our granddaughter who we share custody of. Her mother, our daughter, is not able (she is struggling with drug addiction and currently has a felony possession charge hanging over her head). He has not been above using the children as leverage in the past. So I'm just existing and focusing on her.

 

Yes I have but I don't have the money. I make good money but somehow ended up responsible for the bulk of our bills. It started this way years ago because I was the college grad with a good job and he was self employed. Now he has so many loans and maxed out credit that even though he's working a regular job making a decent wage most of his money goes to these. I have a LOT of bitterness towards him because of this. So I feel stuck. I have calculated and I think I can survive if I find a relatively low rent place I can maintain the mortgage (until the house sells if we put it on the market). The baby is most most important priority right now. And we suspect that her dads gf may be pregnant so we're worried how that may affect her.

You can tell I don't have people to talk to, every time I post it's a book! Sorry about that, I just have so much going through my mind now. It's nice to just release it.

 

I don't know how much is bluster and how far he would go. And I am concerned about what the upheaval would do to my granddaughter. Her mom pops in and out at her own convenience and she sees her dad on weekends. She just stopped using diapers, too.

 

Yes, I know. We have one grown daughter in therapy and two that need to be in therapy. However, for the time being he has been "behaving." He claims he is different now but I've heard this before. It's only been a few months and time will tell. I do not engage when he's being a jerk and he quickly sees that it's not working. Also, he is very good with the baby. She is the little princess and the center of everyone's attention. We have avoided having arguments around her even before the new incarnation of our relationship (it made weekends very tense because it seemed like when she left the house to go to her dads it was open season and all the garbage would spew out). Like I said, it's been mainly calm recently except for the talks about me and my sexuality. He refuses to talk about the past or try to work through some of that. I think that he isn't so much bothered by me being attracted to women as he is by the fact that I'm not attracted to him anymore. In a normal relationship we would have been divorced 20 years ago. He just won't let go.