Over the years sexual interest in women fade away. Anyone the same?

Being bi, I can relate to changing interests & appetites. It's often said "if u put 13 bisexuals in a room together, you'll have 13 different ways of relating to women & men."

Fritz Klein developed the notion that for bisexuals, the 0-6 Kinsey scale is only the beginning. He indicated that there are other "0-6 scales" for sexual compatibility, sexual interest & fantasies, relationship & co habitation preferences, etc.

I.e. It's the notion that you can have strong gay fantasies & dreams, but prefer to live w a woman, for the emotional support & sexual compatibility (the yin/yang effect).

Personally, I love sex w both genders, but find women more relationship oriented. As a bisexual, for closeness, I think it's wise to ignore a persons gender, & just see where the love is, who you have the deepest heart connection with.

 

I've definitely had my attraction to women fade over time. Especially since I realised I'm trans so I don't know if that has anything to do with it but honestly I'm basically just gay now.

 

once I accepted myself my sexual interest in women rapidly faded away and my desire for men became way more intense.

 

I also went from being able to have sex with women to really being turned off by it. I still look at women and think they are pretty but I went from no arousal to finding the thought of having sex with a woman unpleasant. In the past I could get 'get off' having sex with a woman but I don't think I could do that now.

 

My experience has been as I become more comfortable with my homosexuality my attraction to women has disappeared completely. This occurred over about year or so. I found that rather than be upset about it ,it seemed to increasingly validated my homosexual feelings . I have reached the point now that the idea of sexual relations with a woman grosses me out . just seems totally unnatural now. I know without any doubt I am no longer capable of intimacy with a woman and find that very comforting. I do feel some anger that I wasted so much time straight at least for me gay is so much better on every level.

 

As the years have passed for me, my gay side has become increasingly stronger. When I was a young man I was interested and attracted to women, but I always knew that I was somehow different. Sex with a woman was only ok for me and I became more and more interested in men. When I eventually had sex with a man I realized that I was gay. I loved everything about being with another guy. It's taken a long time, but it feels wonderful to finally accept that I am gay and I can admit that I no longer have any interest in women.

 

I believe that every person lies somewhere along the Kinsey scale between totally straight and totally gay. I thought I was straight until I hit my 30's. I've been married and sexually involved with several women, even after I realized I'm bi. I've never lost my ability to be turned on by women. However, I've realized that if I'm going to have an LTR, it needs to be with a male. I think that's because of my ability to relate more closely to males emotionally, not just sexually.

But as I gain experience, I've learned that gender and orientation are not binary. I'm finding myself attracted to the spectrum of genders. I wish I hadn't been born into such a binary society. But I have great trust in younger generations to continue opening our society to many things cultural, political, sexual and otherwise.

I do hope that the "gay community" will learn not to think of bisexuality as always being a "stop" on the way to being totally gay. We're always on a journey toward our true selves, period.

I fall in love and am attracted to people, regardless of gender. I'm hoping to learn more about this as I relate to people here on EC . So thanks to everyone for being members of this Community! (*hug*)

 

i used to struggle with a similar situation. i knew i liked girls, but i always confused love & friendship around guys-for example, if i always felt awesome around guys, i'd be like "WHAT? I'M CRUSHING ON BOYS NOW?!" but it was really just friendship. i've always wanted to be with girls, right now i know i would never give up on them, but that could change. sexuality is fluid, and sometimes i think they should teach that in schools. maybe you will change, maybe you won't. life is strange.

 

TY for your post about being bi … we're pretty similar, interested in emotional connections w men, & being attracted to people of both genders.

I've gone thru periods of trying to be straight, then coming out as gay … then realizing I was still attracted to women. Being a bi male is pretty shadowy, compared to being a bi woman, which has more societal appeal. I think that's bec men are expected to be rugged individuals, while women are softer & more loving - obvious generalities, but generally true, notwithstanding exceptions. Each of us is unique, including our sexuality. Rarely do we find our perfect relationship complement. All we can do is soften & love.

 

Yes! it's such a relief to not have to force it. I realized how much I was even trying to force myself to like women when it was so natural to fantasize about guys!

---------- Post added 18th May 2017 at 08:59 PM ----------

i still find myself looking at women and i find it annoying - like a bad habit. but like you i have grown to find the idea of sex with woman unpleasant.

I feel like i am finally growing up -trying to like women was like trying to like some band your friends found cool but you didn't.

 

TY, BeingDude! My biggest problem along the way has been trying to "give up" one gender or the other in order to be monogamous, and unfortunately hurting a couple of people along the way. It's finally occurred to me that monogamy isn't the only model for loving relationships (duh). Maybe I'm just naturally polyamorous. Well, I've got a LOT to learn about that and other "alternative models."

BTW, I moved to Taos from the East Bay back in 2010. I miss the San Francisco area, and I do get back there periodically to visit friends. Anyway, I'm very new here and still working toward full membership, and I guess I'm just not posting enough. Can't wait until I can send a personal message directly to you and everyone else. Thanks again, and take care all!

 

FJ, interesting comments which I find so true. For me the decease in my attraction to women started about year ago after I met the guy that has since become my boyfriend. As I got to know him more ( per-sexual relations) my interest in my then girlfriend started to fade. Slowly at first then more and more until I had to force myself to be able to have any type of sexual contact. More and more I was turned off by her body, her sexuality you name it. Little things started to annoy me about her. I knew what was happening but was afraid to admit it to myself. The turning point came when I first had sexual relations with my now bf. I knew that night that my sexual orientation had changed fundamentally. In complete intimacy with another man I found a dimension of my sexuality I never knew before. The connection that sex had brought about between us was mind blowing to me. I firmly believe that it was that night that I went from bi to gay. I also knew that I could no longer pretend to attracted to my gf. While I knew I was gay I felt I had to make sure one more time. It was a disaster, I was unable to be aroused in anyway. It made for the most uncomfortable evening of my life but allowed me the assurance that what I was feeling was accurate. From then on the idea of sexual relations with a woman grossed me out. For the life of me I don't see what I found attractive in women. Of course I still deal with women professionally and have a few female friends but I no longer look at, fantasize about, nor frankly give them much thought at all any more. For me I much happier having abandoned heterosexuality completely. I am working on the next step of being public about it. Once I accomplished coming out, I feel I will finally to
able to be free of any remnants of heterosexuality.

 

I had a few drunk gay hookups years ago, i was till in the closet and in denial and chickened out, so, i don't really 'count' these... now that i have accepted that I know what I want.. i know this is what's going to happen.

I already know i am gay. no bi feelings anymore but I do think the habit of looking at women will go away.

Before it was a mask i hid behind now its like a too small pair of shoes i want to take off.

looking back they always have, I never liked looking at naked women, the vagina kind of grossed me out, when GFs asked me to 'eat them out' it was pure work. But when I imagine putting my mouth around a guy's penis, I melt, when I look at an erection, i am very turned on..., i get this very seunsual feeling, I naturally want to please a guy, I never wanted to do that with women, i just wanted to 'get off.

 

I just had an incredible revelation about my own sexuality.
When I was in denial, the only 'excitement' I had about women was that was where I was going to be able to stimulate myself to ejaculate. There was never any emotional connection...

i was just thinking about when I look at a man's penis, I immediately associate it with pleasuring a partner and becoming more intimate with him, and I get aroused just thinking about pleasuring them. not to get graphic, but sensually licking it while looking up and smiling, or looking into his eyes while i caress it....i have No interest in doing that with women and i never did.

I now understand why I had any attraction at all towards women and why I might still habitually look but not get aroused.


it was just one of those I AM SO GAY moments...(!)

 

Sometimes you read something someone has written, and you know without doubt it ticks all the boxes.

And there are some differences in our experiences of course, what you have described about your experince ticks all my boxes. Amazing...but I guess not really. It just how I we are wired.

The penis, erect or otherwise to me simply appealing. I don't know why, it just seems complete. Its natural to want to enjoy it and be enjoyed. Whereas a women for me, well its not for me.!!!

Though I've experienced the female anatomy, and enjoyed the intimacy and passion... well there has also always been a discordance.

And as for pleasuring my partner I've always enjoyed it, it comes naturally...how the vagina isn't appealing...its cute but up close... well no.

Where a mans penis... well you know. Its a sense of how could you be attracted. But then there a beautifil chest, face, hands, arms, legs, bottom... IM GAY. so its natural normal.

Thank you for your post. Beautiful, open, honest, relateable.

 

thanks! Yes there are posts here of people who have come out or finally acknowledging their feelings where i have to do a double take to make sure I didn't write them

Another interesting thing was reading people a little 'ahead' of you coming out they would say 'oh i felt like that too, but don't worry you'll feel like 'x' in a few months... and sure enough!

I know we're all individuals with different life experiences, but this above all else makes me believe that when I finally have sex with a man I am attracted to, any lingering trace of hetero feelings habits or doubts will be gone.. .

 

I know just how you feel. I've been married to a wonderful and beautiful lady for twenty years. Thought I'd always be attracted to her. Before we married I thought I might be bisexual. Years later, I can now accept that I'm bisexual........or so I thought. As soon as I came to the realization that I was bi, I started to accept the fact that I get way more sexually aroused by guys and really always had. This lead me to come out to my wife and to experiment with guys again. I've met some awesome men. I've had lots of fun. My wife is patient while trying to accept what I am. We've been able to carry on during my realization that I'm attracted to men. But lately I'm starting to feel that my attraction to men is much stronger than my attraction to my wife. As a matter of fact, I barely feel attracted to her at all now, and I only fantasize about being with men. Women seem attractive to me to a degree, but when I think about having sex with them is doesn't do much for me anymore. My wife, I'm pretty sure can feel this about me too and I'm really hating the feeling that soon I might not be able to get turned on by my wife at all. Then, coming out to her (and everyone else)as gay might make more since.

 

What I find pleasing here is how we each share varied yet similar experiences, feelings, wants and needs. There is I feel a comfort in that, though it is virtual.. a modern version of letters across the sea.

As with writing with quill and ink in times past becomes tapping heat sensitive keys on a smartphone today - everything is and does change. We too. This is guaranteed.

Feelings for this way and that, for one person and not for another, all change over time. That is nature.

This has been my experience across these near 60 years.

I am truly pleased to part of this 'EC community' ... it is a convivium of like sensitivities and feeling human beings, like every other person on the planet. Unique.

May we all find the peace, gentleness, understanding and compassion we are searching for and on that journey give the same out endlessly to other.

As the lyric in a well known Australian song telling the story of nations indigenous peoples challenge in modern times goes... 'from littles things big things grow"

Happy to be gay, today and tommorrow, and to share my coming out with you all, and in turn to be part of yours.

With love and kindness

Imjustjulien