Felt so right

Hello EC friends. Just a quick one to say hope all you beautiful people are having a good day and feeling good. If not, pop on for a chat xxx

I went to my 3rd meetup last night. half an hour drive, nearest one I have been to! Getting brave! I found the pub with no trouble (I hate going anywhere on my own) and then bottled going in alone. I rang the host of the event, she came out and met me.

There were 7 of us. We did a pub quiz, had a chat and a few laughs. I can honestly say it was the most comfortable I had felt out in public for so long. (apart from the Brighton meetup) I didn't have to watch what I said. They laughed and made gay innuendo jokes... so relaxing I loved it. I have arranged to do some other bits with this group. I can't wait for the next meeting.

I am feeling a little suspended at the moment. I feel a little low today. After a lovely night out I was back at work today and couldn't share my night out like my work colleague. She was complaining of indigestion and a quiet pub meal. I wanted to say I was out with the energetic dykes having a brilliant time! I said I went to a quiz night with an old friend.

I am finding I am now living in 2 worlds. My day to day one and the one in which I can be me. I am constantly looking for meetups that are easy to get to. I have booked 2 more. But the next day it's back to normal. Work is getting harder. I am not sure if it's the work or something stopping me concentrating properly.

I do feel great. I am happy... enjoying going out and loving making new friends. The ladies last night were just so nice. And something else I noticed... the pubs I have been in are predominantly gay pubs. The atmosphere in the pubs is brilliant. Everyone just seems so chilled. No pushing at the bar, people being honest about whose turn it is to be served. Chatting to each other at the bar. I told straight mate my thoughts. She laughed... I said I'm going to take her to prove it. My normal Friday haunt normally has some rowdy behaviour. getting served at the bar can be a nightmare. The staff are as miserable as shit at times. No one chats to people at other tables. Straight mate thinks I'm imagining it! I don't!!!

I know there is no time limit to coming out. I am out to 3 friends and 3 of my 4 sons, and my straight mates 2 children. I seem to have gone from one person knowing to a lot knowing. Although I am happy with this I feel things are moving really fast. I really want to get to a place that is all the same... not being in 2 places. Then a part of me says, slow down... some people don't really need to know. SO why do I feel the need I want to shout it in their faces. I really am in a funny mood today. It's not a low. but it is something.

Progress update on my catalyst. I have a facebook selling page. A few friends have asked me why they can't see my page. I had deactivated my facebook to simply have a break. I did find I was going on there too much and would see certain pictures of her that would tug at a part of me that is still quite raw. Today I looked at those pictures and did not feel the sudden pain. It is easing. I still have such strong feelings for her but I feel I have put them somewhere else. Not gone, just put away. It's taken a year to be able to say that!!:icon_wink

Well, it was another long one. Love you all xx

 

Peterpangirl, as much as I never want to feel pain like that again I feel it is now the centre of what I am. I have changed and I honestly think I have changed for the better. I was going along in life never really wanting to or achieving anything. My children were the best things to happen to me, and once they were off hands I had nothing. I think this came along just when it was needed. Is was so sad that it was the wrong person I fell for, that was just awful and it could have had an even more devastating affect than it did. It still may come up later on but I will have to deal with it then and if! I feel I have grown, matured... even though I'm 52 I still feel like I have grown up some more. I use words in a different way. Feel differently. I have more sympathy, empathy... I just can't work out how or why??? I don't want to go back to how I was, never. Looking at the old me I didn't like me much! Silverhalo you hit the nail on the head. I think this is all a process of leaving the old me behind and with every additional person I tell it's harder to go back as there is no going back, and that fact is really sinking in with me now. I have changed in every way... even appearance. I have lost 5 stone, and have some more to go. I have gone from long fair hair to very short dark brown. It is a new me that I look at everyday. And I love her! I just keep saying to myself that this 2 lives feeling is another process. Another learning curve that will develop into something else. How much more is there...

 

Labgirl I feel the same on here. I love reading and sharing with EC friends. It has kept me sane x I only ever come on to type something short and the next thing I have all these words flowing from my fingers. It helps me to write it down and I am so pleased you enjoy reading them. And yes... I think I will be on here lots more lol. xxx It's my little haven