realizing later in life and feeling trapped

You are not alone, Zumbaqueen. There are many of us here that are on this journey. It isn't easy and each individual has a unique story. You're in the right place.

 

Yes, Zumbaqueen you are not alone. I'm 41, married 24 years with four kids and a grandchild and I'm on the same journey. You probably should talk to your husband if you can. I told mine and it actually went better than I thought. Except, he still wants to "make it work" somehow. I'm just not attracted to him or any man. I would also like to date but that doesn't feel right now, while I'm still sleeping in the same bed with him. I think as we get older the desire to be authentic become so strong we can't ignore it anymore. Coming on this site has helped me so much!

 

52 years old here... 4 grown children and 2 grandchildren. I got very drunk one night and 'showed' my true feelings for my friend. That was last year! My life was turned upside down! As labgirl said you should be honest with your husband. I can't comment more about that as I was single when this hit me... but from reading and sharing posts with others we all have realised that once you admit this to yourself there is no going back. Denying this will hurt not only you but your family too. I look forward to chatting with you more.

 

It's sooo hard, Zumba. There is no easy way. When I told my wife two weeks ago, I had spent a lot of time thinking about what I would say.

I didn't plan to come out when I did. It just kind of happened. What I said was, "What im about to tell you will be painful for both of us but I need to say it. I'm gay." From there the conversation took its own path. I just stuck to that one fact, without adding a bunch of explanation, because that's all I knew for certain. The rest of the story and feelings came out over several days. Someone here said that anything else that you say right away won't be heard after the "I'm gay" bomb. I think they were right.

It feels very lonely. In my situation, I decided that it was time to come out so my wife and I could start healing. She told me that she is glad that I didn't wait any longer to tell her. I'm incredibly lucky that she is reacting so well, better than most I'd say. We are actually doing better now, in some ways, because we can talk about the elephant in the room.

I hope my experience helps you feel less lonely. Sending good vibes your way.

 

I've been married 18 years, have a large family, and haven't told my husband yet (we're separated). So I can relate to how you feel. I'm in a similar place in that my depression has worsened over the last three years and made me look at what is missing. And in many ways I'm happier, despite all the chaos, having admitted it to myself, then I've been in a long, long time. Now that I've admitted it to myself, I don't think I could go back.

Do you have any LGBT activities in your town? Maybe that would be a way to meet others but not necessarily "date" while you're still working out what to tell your husband and child? And maybe they could give you help on where to go next.

 

You are not alone.

Although I have had my own ups and downs, the journey to self acceptance began the night I found the courage to say two simple words to my wife; I'm gay.

This is a great place to talk through your fears, anxieties and concerns with kind and accepting people who are going through the same things you are.

You are not alone.

Rob

 

I am new to this site but already feel I'm in the right place. My story is almost exactly like yours only my husband "kind of" knows-I told him something has changed in me and I'm not the same person he married. I told him I need to find friends that he won't judge me about and not question and he has agreed to that. And I, as well, have no idea where to start.......Just needing someone to hear me and tell me they understand.

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I would be more than happy to talk too with you about our feelings.......I'm confused, emotional, anxious and everything in between. I live in a small town as well and no support groups near me.

 

I'm not very good at navigating around this site yet LOL so I don't know how to send messages or anything. I tried to private message you but it said I couldn't yet....I have been to therapists but it just isn't the same as being able to chat with someone who is like you at this very moment. But thank you for friend requesting me......I'm hoping together we can chat and try to get some insight on where we are with our lives at this point and how to get feelings in check......I really need someone to talk to as well. Please keep in touch with me and I will you as well. I think I've found someplace I can finally get some things out with this site and this isn't a place I'm going to just sign up for and then forget about it. I will check back as often as I can.

 

zumbaqueen I'll keep checking with you

 

i understand-I really do. and I think we have to take this just one day, one breath at a time. I've never experienced anything so hard in my life. But I feel like this all came about with me for a reason, and that something higher up put "her" in my life so I could stop thinking something was wrong with me-that my purpose is to be "this". IDK how the "plan" is supposed to turn out but I keep thinking there is definitely a plan and I'm trying to be patient for when it comes into play. I just don't understand why it happens NOW. Why couldn't it have happened 28 years ago?

 

Yes I totally understand. that's what we SHOULD do........suck it up and just deal with it for the sake of our family. But I honestly don't know if I can do this for the rest of my life either. I am trying to wait until our son is out of college (3 years) but the thoughts, feelings and emotion are just getting stronger.

 

All I can say, zumbaqueen, is: me too! Small town, bad marriage. And although I've told my husband, he's still convinced that he can make me fall in love with him again. I'm not remotely attracted to him at all. In addition to the problems that were already there. Good luck, you will feel better telling him. You deserve happiness.