This is something that's been on my mind for a while, but I've not specifically posted about. Shortly before I met my current (male) partner, I worked with a woman who I found fascinating, and at the time, I just thought that I wanted to be her best friend. I recognise now, that I had a crush on her, and I just can't get her out of my head. There are several things about this that bother me: 1. I've not seen or spoken to her properly for years, so I really should just forget about her. I often imagine what it would be like to tell her, but in reality, even if she is gay and did like me, she'll have moved on by now. To be honest, I wouldn't be brave enough to tell her anyway. 2. What if she was the exception? I've met other women that I've found attractive, but not to the same extent. What if I am mostly heterosexual and she was the exception? When I imagine myself in a relationship with a woman, it's nearly always with her. 3. What if I never meet anyone like her? And what I mean by this, is I know I need to leave my current relationship because I want to, not because I want a relationship with another person. In reality I may be single for a long time, and I need to be OK with that. At the moment, I'm not sure that I see being out and single as preferable to my current situation, but I need to accept that as a possible reality before I can progress. Can anyone relate to this?
Hi, I don't know if this helps any but a few thoughts... As far as if she is the "exception", I know I used to never let myself think of guys in any romantic or sexual way so whatever feelings I could muster for girls was what I figured was "normal". But then there have been (over the years) certain guys that when I saw them I was just instantly smitten. There was a guy I worked with whom I just really looked forward to seeing him even for just for a few minutes. I've come to realize how much we are drawn to different people for different reasons. Maybe try stepping back and really examining your attractions. As I've done that and allowed myself to indulge in same sex fantasies, I can definitely see now that guys stir up feelings and desires within me that women simply don't. Why settle for being "functional" with the opposite sex if things have the chance at "amazing" if we just follow our desires. And leaving the safety and comfort of a relationship can truly be daunting, but the longer you deny yourself and try to just maintain the status quo, the more stifling it all becomes. I've been split from my children's' mother for two years and it has all been horribly difficult and stressful in a lot of ways, but I feel now that I am living truer to myself. I've not dated and still feel far from doing so, but I don't question my sexuality anymore. I'm just trying my best to embrace it however I can. Being able to do that makes all the hard shit I'm going thru at least a little more tolerable.
Thank you. That does help. I've got a slightly more positive mindset going on at the moment. I'm thinking that if... ...I've never fantasized about men in the context of a relationship. ...I have fantasized about women in the context of a relationship. ...A male body has never been the focus of any of my fantasies. ...And I can't say the same about female bodies. ...And this all applied even before I started questioning, so I can't be making it up. Then it's fairly clear-cut.
Hi, what you wrote resonates with me so much. I had the exact same doubts as you, exact! I had/ have (not sure where i stand at the minute with it) a massive crush on a woman and all my thoughts about dating women, being in a relationship with a woman etc are all involving this one particular woman. Sure, I've found other women attractive before but nothing like this. I have often had the thought "what if she's my exception?". I recently spent some time with another girl, and while i ended it pretty quickly for reasons in my personal life, i enjoyed my time with her, i enjoyed sex and it definitely made it clear that i would enjoy all those things with a woman in my future. Just not right now. Not while I'm still somewhat interested in this other lady. I think I've come to the conclusion that as long as i still have feelings for this woman, I'm not able to be with anybody else, and thats ok. It doesn't mean I'm not capable of being with another woman, just the timing isn't right. I'm not sure if this helps at all but i just wanted you to know you're not alone. Good luck!
There is a thing called heteroflexible. It's basically where you are normally heterosexual but perhaps there could occasionally be a exception. I recommend looking a bit into it.
lostindaydreams, I can relate to so much of this! i suppressed it when i was young but my first and only real crush was 'him' sometimes i wonder what life would be like if I acted on it... and yeah why haven't i fallen for someone since? Maybe it over time I just created this image of him in my mind and it's a total fantasy?
